


Maybe I'll Catch Fire

by lozgrrrl



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bisexual Eddie Diaz, Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Eddie Diaz Speaks Spanish, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Musician!Buck, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex, Sexting, Sexual Tension, Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:40:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 56,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25310269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lozgrrrl/pseuds/lozgrrrl
Summary: When LAFD firefighter Eddie Diaz meets musician Evan 'Buck' Buckley on a night out, the connection is immediate. Buck is gorgeous, funny, sweet and makes Eddie's stomach twist in ways it hasn't in years. They strike up a friendship that teeters on the edge of more, but there is one teeny, tiny problem......Eddie is already married.
Relationships: Eddie Diaz/Shannon Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 211
Kudos: 390





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> So I got the idea for this fic whilst listening to a lot of Alkaline Trio. In this universe, Buck takes on the appearance more akin to Oliver Stark in earlier roles (dark hair and not as bulked up) whilst Eddie looks the same as he does in the show. This isn't beta read, and I haven't sat down and written a fic in about 15 years, so I apologise if it's a bit rusty. Also, I am not American so my knowledge of all things America/LA is based on the 2 times I have visited there, and google. :)

Eddie Diaz slumped into the fire truck and pulled his helmet off, shaking his head to dislodge the hair that was stuck to his forehead with sweat. The last call had been an absolute nightmare; an initial electrical fault in a student dorm room that spread to the rest of the building far too quickly for there not to have been a multitude of building violations in place. It took the 118 3 hours to get the fire under control, and between the fire and the hysterical college students, Eddie was exhausted. Luckily it was the end of their shift, and he was looking forward to a long shower and a beer (or five) at their local bar.

“So, Eddie, how many girls tried to give you their number this time?” Hen teased from next to him, cocking her head to one side. It was a running joke amongst the team about how often Eddie was hit on during calls, and whilst at first he was embarrassed, he eventually learned to take it all with good humour. Eddie was happily married – well, maybe _happily_ was too strong a word, but he was definitely _married_ – so he was not in the business of accepting any of the numbers that were shoved his way, but he couldn’t lie and say he didn’t preen at the attention a little bit. His wife Shannon hadn’t shown any interest in him for months now, so it was nice to feel wanted sometimes, even if it was just from random people they met on calls.

“Ah, none, thank you very much. I’m a professional!” he ran a hand through his sweaty locks as he gave Hen his best puppy dog eyes. She narrowed hers in response, but Eddie knew she was amused. He heard Chimney snort from across the cab, and he shot a playful glare in his direction.

“So you’re telling me that girl with the very obvious hair extensions didn’t try and give you her digits? Check your turnout pocket, she was practically glued to your side, she probably slipped it in there without you noticing,” Chimney arched an eyebrow and Hen threw back her head and laughed loudly. Eddie rolled his eyes, but made a mental note to check his pockets when they got back to the firehouse. Chim had a point; that girl had zero concept of personal space and by the end Eddie was ready to turn the hose onto her. When they finally arrived back at the station, they all jumped out and Eddie discretely shoved his hands into his pockets before he took his turnout gear off, sagging with relief when he didn't find anything untoward in there.

“Are we going to the Brunny tonight? I feel like we all deserve a drink,” Hen called over her shoulder as she grabbed her duffle bag. Both Chim and Eddie nodded immediately – Christopher was at his Abuela’s for a sleepover and Shannon was working late, so Eddie was very keen to enjoy a few hours of freedom with his coworkers. Grabbing his own duffle bag, he hummed as he made his way to the showers, ready to wash away the stress and grime from the days work.

\-------------------

Not surprisingly, Eddie was the first to arrive at the Brunny, making his way to the hightop bench next to the bar. He was greeted by Gus, the bartender, who immediately went to pour Eddie his usual beer from the tap. Eddie was torn between embarrassment that he was there so often that they knew his drink order automatically, and happiness that he had finally found a place that felt like home. He had only been in LA for 18 months, but he already felt more comfortable and accepted here than he ever had back in El Paso. Gus came over and placed the beer in front of him, and Eddie shot him a big smile.

“Thanks, Gus.” Gus nodded in response and went back behind the bar, while Eddie took a large gulp of his drink and felt some of the tension rolling out of his shoulders. He checked his phone and saw that Chim and Hen were on their way, so he took the time to take in the scenery around him. It was close to 6pm on a Thursday night, but there were only a handful of patrons scattered throughout the room. It was pretty normal for this time of the week, and that was how Eddie liked it. Enough for there to be an atmosphere, but not too many that it became overcrowded and too loud to have a conversation. Eddie’s eyes gazed around the building until they landed on the small stage in the corner of the room. There was a multitude of musical equipment set up, and a couple of guys milling about tuning them up and connecting chords to amps. He knew that the Brunny used to host bands on the regular, but he had been coming here for 12 months and had never seen live music during that time. He turned to Gus and nodded his head in the direction of the stage.

“This a new development?” he enquired, and Gus glanced over to the band before shrugging.

“Yeah, Victor wanted to try and get some new customers in. This is the first night though, so we’ll see how it goes,” he nodded at Eddie before moving away to serve someone else. Eddie took another swig of his beer and let his eyes wander back to the stage. It had been a long time since he had seen any live music, although he spent a lot of his early 20s in various music venues back in El Paso, so he was looking forward to reliving his youth. Suddenly a new person stepped out onto the stage, and Eddie’s breath caught in his throat. The man was ridiculously tall, with long legs clad in skinny black jeans and a white tshirt that showed off his impressive back muscles. Eddie watched as the man picked up an amp to move it, his biceps flexing through the thin material and making Eddie shift in his seat. The man looked up when someone spoke to him, and Eddie was sure he had never seen someone as beautiful in his entire life. Short dark hair with a little curl that fell across his forehead, large plump lips that he knew women would pay good money to have, a smatter of stubble across his jaw and eyes so blue Eddie could make them out from here.

“Fuck,” he whispered, jumping suddenly when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Whoa, sorry Eddie,” Chimney held his hands up in apology as he took a seat next to him, placing a fresh beer on the tabletop. Eddie gave him a small smile and tried to still his rapidly beating heart.

“All good, was just caught up in thought and didn’t notice you,” he glanced quickly back to the stage and then downed the rest of his drink in one go. Chimney snorted, taking a sip of his own beer before replying “Yeah, that happens a lot.” Eddie opened his mouth to respond when Hen appeared, throwing her purse onto the table and pulling out a chair.

“Oh my GOD, I am so glad that shift is over,” she whined, rolling her shoulders and cracking her knuckles, “What a fucking drainer.”

Eddie and Chimney murmured in the affirmative, and Eddie was momentarily distracted from the hot band guy (as he had mentally dubbed him) by the three of them chatting about their day. When he looked up again, hot band guy was nowhere to be seen, and he tried to ignore how that made his stomach twist a little.

 _“You’re married,”_ he reminded himself, shaking his head slightly. He was just feeling a bit neglected, that’s all. The last time he and Shannon had had sex, it was awkward and there had been very minimal physical affection since then, so Eddie was sure that was the only reason he was feeling this way. Standing up, he stretched his arms above his head and motioned to the restrooms.

“I’ll be back in a minute. Anyone want a drink while I’m up?” he asked, nodding when Hen requested a gin and tonic. Eddie made his way over to the restrooms and pushed the door open, shocked when he heard a bang followed by a “fuck!” and the door came to a halt. He ducked his head around and came face to face with hot band guy, who was standing with his hands over his face. Eddie’s mouth dropped open and he squeezed his way into the room, absentmindedly reaching towards the other man.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry! Are you alright?!” he squeaked, pulling his hands back at the last minute when he remembered that he didn’t know this person at all, but he was sure he probably didn’t want some random touching him. Hot band guy waved his hand dismissively, scrunching up his face as he tentatively took the other one away and assessed the damage. Eddie bit his lip as he watched, noticing that up close he was even hotter than he thought. His gaze fell upon a light pink mark above the mans left eye, and he winced. Fuck, he’d really hit the door hard.

“Seriously, are you okay? I didn’t realise someone was coming out, I’m really sorry,” he tried again, and now hot band guy blinked a few times before looking over at Eddie’s worried face. Eddie noticed his eyes widen a bit, and suddenly he was subjected to the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

“Oh, it’s fine! No biggie,” Hot band guy said casually, although he still rubbed his jaw once more before dropping his hands to his sides.

“Yeah but your eye,” Eddie pointed out, gesturing vaguely to his own eye and he watched as the other man went a slight shade of pink.

“Oh no, ah,” he laughed nervously and shook his head, “it’s a birthmark.” Now it was Eddie’s turn to go pink, feeling stupid and embarrassed at his mistake.

“Oh. Sorry,” he mumbled quietly. Hot band guy ran a hand through his dark hair and ducked his head slightly, looking up at Eddie through his lashes in a way that Eddie found to be unfairly attractive.

“It’s fine, really,” he smiled again and Eddie found himself immediately smiling back. They stood like that for a moment, both smiling at each other without speaking, until Eddie regained his composure and cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Well, ah, I was just,” he started, pointing to the urinals, and hot band guy nodded and pointed to the door.

“Oh yeah of course, I should probably get back before my bandmates start without me. Can’t imagine they would sound any good without a guitarist but I feel like they’d be willing to give it a try anyway,” he laughed and Eddie chuckled lightly, trying to shake the feeling of what seeing him up there playing guitar was going to do to his insides.

“I’ll see you out there then, I guess,” Hot band guy continued, before stepping around Eddie to grab the door. He flashed him one more smile before disappearing back into the bar, and Eddie stared at the closed door for longer than necessary before he shook his head and made his way to the urinal.

“Get a grip, Diaz,” he chastised himself, annoyed at how much he was allowing this man to affect him. He was married, for fucks sake. And okay, his marriage wasn’t great ( _more like terrible_ , his brain unhelpfully added) but he took his vows seriously. Plus, they had Christopher to think about, and Eddie might not be a great husband but he made sure he went above and beyond for his son. Also, this was a guy. Eddie knew that on occasion he found himself attracted to males, but he and Shannon had been together since they were teenagers, and as a result he had never been with a guy before. So whilst he had secretly checked out men now and then, it was never more than a ‘oh, he’s cute’ feeling, This though…this felt different. He had never felt butterflies in his stomach for anyone other than Shannon at the very start of their relationship, and yet here he was, stomach in knots over a man he didn’t even know the name of. Eddie shook his head, pushing that thought deep down so he didn’t have to analyse what it meant, and zipped up his jeans. He washed his hands and took a deep breath as he heard the beginning of a song playing from inside the bar, straightening his shoulders as he braced himself for what he would see on the other side of the door.


	2. Chaper II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone that left some love on chapter 1. Honestly I am writing this story purely for self-indulgent reasons, but I'm glad other people are enjoying it as well! :)

The loud bass hit him as soon as he opened the door and stepped back into the bar, but Eddie made a point of not looking over at the band as he made his way back to his table. The song was heavy, fast and definitely not what Eddie was usually into, but he didn’t hate it. The singer had a smooth voice that somehow contrasted well with the music, although he couldn’t help but narrow his focus in on the sound of the guitar. Eddie twitched with the desire to turn his head slightly to the left and match up what he could hear with a visual image, but he didn’t trust himself to not stare, slack jawed with a dopey look on his face, so he kept his gaze on his table as he briskly made his way back to his friends. He wasn’t sure what the hell was going on with him tonight, but he was finding the ability to control himself and his emotions very difficult. Slipping into his chair, he paused and raised his eyebrows when he saw Hen staring at him with an annoyed expression on her face.

“Uh, where the fuck is my drink, Diaz? I’m dying here,” she stated, and Eddie slapped his hand to his face.

“Shit, yeah, sorry. I ah, got distracted,” he stood up and this time he was forced to face the band as he stood at the bar and waited for Gus to finish serving his current customers. As soon as he did, however, he almost choked on his own spit as the vision in front of him exceeded anything he was expecting. Hot band guy was standing at the front of the stage, guitar slung low on his hips, biceps flexing as his fingers moved quickly over the fret board and the other strummed the strings so fast his hand was just a blur of movement. His face was a picture of pure concentration, eyes slightly squeezed shut and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Eddie was right to avoid looking earlier, as his brain had shut off and he was sure he would have somehow tripped over his own feet and caused a scene if he had have been walking anywhere.

This was insane – never before had Eddie been so affected by a stranger; he felt like a teenage boy with his first ever crush. All that was missing was an ill-timed boner, although he was sure if he stared a bit longer it would make an appearance. 

“Eddie!” Gus’s loud voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and he closed his mouth and tore his gaze away from the stage and back to where the bartender was now standing in front of him, a bemused look on his face.

“Sorry, sorry! I was just,” he paused, trying to think of an excuse that was better than ‘imagining what that guitar player would look like naked’.

“I was just thinking about what that guy over there uses in his hair to make it stand up so straight.” He cringed slightly at his pathetic lie, but Gus just raised an eyebrow and didn’t say anything.

“Anyway! Ah, can I have a gin and tonic and another beer please,” Eddie forced a smile but it fell away as soon as Gus nodded turned away to organise his drinks. God, he was an idiot. He ran his hand over his face briefly before leaning his forearms on the bar top and looking back at the band. The song was ending and hot band guy strummed his last chord before looking out at the crowd, his eyes scanning the room until they landed on Eddie. Eddie’s heart started thumping harder in his chest when hot band guy smiled widely, his eyes crinkling up in the corners.

_It’s not for you_ , Eddie reminded himself. _He’s just smiling because they finished the song and that’s what people do when they finish a song. He probably can’t even see you with those lights shining in his face._

“Here you go,” Gus exclaimed as he placed two drinks in front of him. “I’ll add them to your tab.”

“Thanks Gus,” Eddie smiled again and took the drinks back to his table, Hen cheering loudly when she finally received hers. At this angle he could still see the stage, however Hen and Chim were partially blocking some of the band members, including hot band guy. Eddie resisted the urge to shift his chair slightly to the side in order to get a better view, instead focusing his attention on his friends conversation. It wasn’t often that they got to go out and blow off some steam, with both Eddie and Hen having a wife and child at home, so he forced himself to be present in the moment. However, when the band started their next song it was hard to hear what they were saying, so hot band guy was appearing in and out of his peripheral vision whenever he leaned forward to catch what was being said. Eddie was certain he could see hot band guy staring in his direction on more than a few occasions, and he found himself showing off a bit more than usual; resting his arms on the table in a way he knew showed off his muscles, throwing his head back and laughing loudly at one of Chim’s terrible jokes and smiling just that little bit more than he normally did. 

The music continued and by the time they announced their break, Eddie, Chim and Hen were already 4 drinks down and starting to feel the affects of the alcohol coursing through their veins. The crowd had grown since they got there, people milling about all over the place and when Eddie got up to get the next round, he resigned himself to a decent wait while Gus busied himself dealing with the abundance of people already waiting to be served. It appeared Victor hadn’t anticipated so many people showing up tonight, because it was still just Gus tending the bar despite the large crowd. He rested his forearms on the bar top, the warm buzz of alcohol making him feel loose and happy when he felt the presence of someone standing next to him. Glancing over, his mouth went dry and he immediately stood up straight when he saw who it was.

“Hey again,” hot band guy grinned at him, and Eddie noticed he smelt like a mix of sweat and sandalwood and it should _not_ be as attractive as it was.

“Oh hey,” he replied, ignoring the way his pulse quickened with how close they were standing together, “Glad to see your run in with the door didn’t impact your performance.”

His face split into a big smile when hot band guy cocked his head to one side, his eyebrow quirked in amusement.

“Oh, you mean when you smashed a door into my face?” His smile showcased the dimples in his cheeks, and Eddie wasn’t aware until that very moment that he definitely had a thing for dimples.

“I’m Evan, by the way. But everyone calls me Buck,” he stuck his hand out and Eddie reciprocated, wondering if the other man felt a hot flush run up his arm, too.

“Eddie,” he replied, smiling brightly.

“Nice to meet you, Eddie. So, speaking of our performance, what was your favourite part?” Buck asked, his eyes sparkling with mischief. Eddie laughed at his brazenness, shaking his head and shrugging casually.

“Very bold of you to assume I was a fan,” Eddie teased, and the sound of Buck laughing loudly instantly became his new favourite sound.

“Well, I saw you watching us for most of our set, so I made an educated guess,” Buck winked and Eddie felt his cheeks grow pink in embarrassment. Okay, so obviously he was nowhere near as smooth and discreet as he thought he was. Good to know.

“I, ah, well I mean,” he stumbled over his words for a moment before Buck laughed again, putting his hand on Eddie’s shoulder.

“I’m just fucking with you,” he smiled wider as he squeezed lightly, and it took every ounce of Eddie’s willpower to not lean into the touch.

“Oh, right,” he said instead. Buck chuckled quietly as he took his hand off Eddie’s shoulder and ran it through his hair, and Eddie found himself immediately missing his touch. He swallowed thickly, trying to come up with something witty to say, but somehow his brain was coming up blank. The two men stood in silence for a moment, the air around them beginning to verge on the edge of awkward.

_Come on!_ Eddie thought to himself, clenching and unclenching his hands. _Say something! Anything. Just fucking speak so he doesn’t walk away!_

“I liked the song about the person trying to hit you with their car,” he blurted out, and Buck turned his gaze back to him with a slight quirk of his lips.

“Oh yeah?”

“Ah, yeah. It was…funny,” Eddie was cringing internally at his attempts at conversation, but Buck didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he had turned his body so that he was fully facing Eddie now, resting an elbow on the bar.

“I’m glad you can see the humour in it! I don’t know if you noticed but we tend to sing about some pretty dark shit, so sometimes it’s nice to put a lighter spin on it.”

Eddie nodded, feeling himself relax a bit when he realised Buck didn’t think he was a total idiot.

“Yeah for sure. I liked it. You guys are really good,” he wiped his hands on his jeans and glanced over at Buck, who had ducked his head and was looking up at Eddie shyly through his lashes in a way that made Eddie’s heart skip a beat.

“Thanks. We haven’t been together for that long, but we have a lot of fun,” he replied fondly. Eddie was about to respond when his phone buzzed in his pocket, and he shot Buck an apologetic smile as he fished it out of his jeans. Shannon’s name flashed on the screen and Eddie felt a mix of guilt and annoyance, but knew he had to take the call.

“Ah, sorry, I have to take this,” he waved the phone in the air and Buck held his hands up in understanding.

“Of course man, go ahead. It was nice to meet you, maybe I’ll see you around sometime,” he almost sounded nervous and Eddie smiled brightly to reassure him.

“Yeah absolutely,” he replied, before he reluctantly turned away from the bar and pressed the answer button.

“Shannon, hey. What’s up?” He weaved through the crowd and made his way outside, covering his free ear in order to hear Shannon talk.

“I’ve just finished work and I’m on my way home. I take it you’re still out?” his wife replied, and Eddie inwardly groaned. The question seemed innocent enough, but the underlying tone was _I’m on my way home and I expect you to be as well._

“Ah yeah, I am. But I suppose I can head home as well if you want?” Eddie had done this dance a thousand times before, and he knew exactly what moves he needed to do in order to keep the peace.

“Oh, you don’t have to,” Shannon protested, and Eddie rolled his eyes. He wished she would just say what she wanted to, instead of pretending. He’d fallen for that line before and learnt his lesson.

“No, it’s fine,” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I’ve just finished my drink anyway so I’ll call an Uber.”

“Okay, if you’re sure. I’ll see you soon then.” Shannon ended the call and Eddie stood in place for a moment while he organised an Uber. He then pocketed his phone and turned on his heel to head back inside. Buck was no longer in the same place as before, and Eddie felt a pang of disappointment as he made his way back to his table. Chim and Hen were laughing about something when he approached, but stopped when Eddie shot them an apologetic smile.

“You leaving already?!” Hen pouted at him, and Eddie nodded sadly.

“Yeah, Shannon wants me home.” He pretended not to notice the look Chim and Hen shot each other, before clasping them both on the shoulder.

“Another great night though, I look forward to our next terrible shift so we can do it all again,” he smiled brightly as they waved their goodbyes and he took once last glance around the room before he made his way outside. He stood on the curb and thumbed through his phone while he waited for his Uber, glancing up when he heard someone clear their throat beside him. He was met with a pair of familiar blue eyes and a lopsided grin, and he lowered his phone to his side slowly.

“Buck, hey.”

“Hey. Sorry, I don’t meant to be all weird and stalkerish, but I thought maybe you would like to have this,” Buck blurted out his words quickly, thrusting a piece of paper towards Eddie who reached forward to take it from his hands. It was a flyer for Buck’s band, with a picture of them at the top and a list of dates and venues underneath.

“It’s our gig schedule. You know, if you ever wanted to see m-, ah _us_ , play again. We’ve got a few more songs about people trying to kill us if you’re interested,” Buck stuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rolled back and forth on the balls of his feet, smiling shyly. Eddie looked up and smiled back, before folding the flyer and placing it into his pocket.

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll definitely try and make it if I can.” He felt something in his chest blossom at the way Buck’s face absolutely lit up, the taller man looking as though he’d just won the lottery. Eddie tried not to think too deeply about that, instead opting to glance down at his phone as his Uber app notified him that his car was about to arrive.

“Okay well I better get back. I already abandoned the guys when they were packing up the gear, so I think they would have my head if I bailed on packing the car, too,” Buck jabbed his thumb over his shoulder as Eddie nodded in understanding.

“Of course. I’ll see you around,” he smiled as Buck waved his goodbyes and shuffled back inside, glancing over his shoulder once more before he disappeared into the crowd. Eddie continued to stare at the space Buck had just occupied until a car pulled up behind him, and he turned on his heel to climb into the backseat. It was only when he was speeding through the back streets of LA that he allowed himself to reach into his pocket and take out the folded flyer, smoothing it out and staring intently at the face staring out at him from the top of the page. Eddie wasn’t exactly sure what was going on with his emotions tonight, but he had a feeling he had awoken something that was going to be difficult to contain again, and that thought both thrilled him and terrified him at the same time.


	3. Chapter III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned at the beginning of this story, I live in Melbourne, Australia and thus my geographical knowledge of LA and surrounding areas is limited, as is my knowledge of any local amenities. However, some of the places mentioned are real places that I know and love - The Brunny is ode to The Brunswick Hotel in Brunswick (sadly it is now closed but I think I spent every weekend in 2013 there) and Hot Copper is an actual tattoo studio in Coburg that is an all-female run business and is amazing.

Shannon was already up and making coffee in the kitchen by the time Eddie emerged from the bedroom the next morning, and he smiled when he took a seat at the island bench and she slid a fresh cup over to him.

“Thanks,” he mumbled as he took a sip and relished in the warmth it immediately provided. Shannon sipped her own coffee as she rested her hip against the bench top, looking at him in a way that immediately had Eddie squirming.

“Everything okay?” he asked, trying to mask the panic slowly rising through his chest. He knew it was impossible, but he couldn’t help but worry that – somehow – she _knew_ about what had happened the night before. That she knew about the way Eddie had felt heat radiating through his body when Buck had touched his shoulder. About the perverse thoughts he had had when he was watching Buck play guitar. About the butterflies that had appeared in his stomach whenever he and Buck spoke. She _couldn’t_ know, but guilt made Eddie panic anyway.

“Yes. I was just thinking that maybe we should take Chris to the park after we pick him up from school this afternoon,” Shannon spoke slowly, as though she expected Eddie to flat out reject her suggestion straight away. Which was probably fair, because Eddie couldn’t remember the last time he and Shannon had taken Chris somewhere fun as a family. On their own? Yes. Shannon regularly took Chris to the pool with one of her friends who also had a child CP. And Eddie and Chris had regular dates to the movies so they could gorge on popcorn and lollies. But it was rare for the three of them to be together in that capacity anymore. Eddie wasn’t sure when he and Shannon stopped being a team and became individuals, but it had been long enough that it was the norm now. He wasn’t sure if it was the guilt over his behaviour last night, or the shock that Shannon actually wanted to spend time with him, but he found himself agreeing readily.

“Yeah. Yeah that sounds like a great idea. Chris will love it,” he replied, and Shannon shot him a tight smile. She drained the last of her coffee and placed the cup in the sink before she started making her way back down the hall, leaving Eddie sitting alone in the kitchen.

\-------------

2 weeks later Eddie found himself sitting back at the same table at the Brunny, a half drunk beer in his hands and his face sore from laughing so much. Hen, her wife Karen, and Chim were sitting across from him and their firehouse Captain, Bobby, and his wife Athena were sitting to his left. It was Athena’s birthday and the 6 of them had decided to have a few drinks to celebrate. Eddie had made a point of inviting Shannon along, however he was secretly relieved when she had declined, using Chris as an excuse to stay home. His workmates liked Shannon enough, but she had never really integrated into the group the way Hen’s wife had. Eddie assumed it was probably because Hen and Karen actually enjoyed each others company, whereas Eddie and Shannon together was – to put it bluntly – a bit awkward. He didn’t _hate_ the idea of Shannon coming along, but he knew she wouldn’t actively participate in the conversations and he would feel like he was babysitting her all evening, and tonight he just could not be bothered fielding that role. It had been a long week and he really needed to unwind and relax, not sit tightly wound up, anxiously trying to decipher how long it would be until Shannon decided she had had enough and made them leave.

So Eddie came alone, and sipped his beer as he listened to Athena relay a story about a criminal who had tried to rob a service station but tripped on his way into the store and accidently shot himself in the leg with his own gun. The whole table was laughing loudly when something caught Eddie’s eye from behind Hen’s shoulder, and the beer that was halfway to his mouth stopped mid air. The man was standing with his back towards Eddie, but there was no mistaking that stance and the way the dark grey t-shirt stretched obscenely across the muscles in his back. He was leaning against a wall, one foot crossed over the other and one arm flailing wildly as a shorter, dark haired woman stood facing him, a wide smile on her face as she listened intently to whatever he had to say. Eddie forced himself to take a sip of his beer, pushing down his initial jealous thoughts about who that woman could be and reminded himself that he was _married_ , so he didn’t get to feel jealous.

His attention was ripped back to his table when there was a loud scrape and a squeal as Karen’s chair tipped from beneath her and she fell ass first onto the ground. Hen and Chim were out of their chairs immediately, leaning down to check her over and help her up as she laughed hysterically. Eddie, Bobby and Athena stood up and peered over the table, trying to figure out what the hell had happened, and when Eddie glanced back over to where Buck had been standing, he noticed both him and the woman he was with looking over at them in amusement. He felt his ears grow hot when he saw Buck’s face light up in recognition and the heat spread to his cheeks when Buck raised his hand in greeting. Chim saw Eddie wave back, and looked at him strangely before he turned his head to see who he was looking at. 

“Hey, I know that guy. Wasn’t he one of the guys in that band from last time we were here?” he cocked his head towards Eddie questioningly and Eddie shrugged before sitting back down and grabbing his beer again.

“Yeah. We got chatting at the bar for a bit and I guess he remembered me,” he tried to sound nonchalant, but from the way Chim narrowed his eyes just a little in response, he suspected he wasn’t appearing as casual as he wanted to.

“Are you alright, Karen? What the hell happened?” Athena’s voice was a welcome interruption, and both Eddie and Chim both turned their attention back to Hen’s wife, who was now sitting on her chair, face red and little giggles escaping her lips.

“Oh my god, I don’t know! But that was so embarrassing. Do you think anyone noticed?” She answered, glancing around nervously.

“No.” Hen said.

“Yes.” Chim said.

Hen hit Chim on the shoulder when Karen groaned and buried her head in her hands, before wrapping her arms around her wife and kissing her temple.

“It’s fine, baby. No one saw, it’s okay,” she shot Chim another glare and Chim held his hands up, chuckling quietly.

Eddie watched Hen console Karen, and a pang of longing ached in his chest at their obvious affection for each other. He and Shannon used to be like that, back in the day. Back when their love was new and exciting and held the promise of a lifetime of happiness. He was deep in thought, remembering the times when their relationship was less ‘you vs me’ and more ‘us vs them’, that he didn’t even notice Buck walking up to their table until he was standing right next to him.

“Hey, fancy seeing you here!” Buck greeted, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched slightly. Eddie startled and looked up, almost dropping his beer in the process.

“Oh, hi! How’s it going,” he replied, placing his glass back on the table and putting his hands in his lap to avoid anyone seeing how they were shaking slightly.

“Good thanks,” Buck smiled brightly before turning to face Karen, his face morphing more into one of concern. “Hey, are you alright? That looked like a nasty fall,” he enquired, and Karen dropped her head to the table while Chim laughed loudly. Buck glanced back at Eddie with a confused look on his face, and Eddie just shook his head briefly in reply as he, too, chuckled quietly.

“Did I say something wrong?” Buck asked, glancing back and forth between Karen and Eddie, and Hen reached out and touched his arm.

“No honey, it’s not you. Just an inside joke from earlier. That was sweet of you to ask though. I’m Hen, by the way,” she dropped her hand to shake Buck’s, who visibly relaxed at the reassurance.

“Okay, good. I’m Buck. This is my sister, Maddie,” he motioned beside him, and Eddie noticed the dark haired woman standing next to him for the first time. _His sister,_ Eddie thought with a sense of relief he didn’t feel he deserved.

“Nice to meet you both. This is my wife, Karen,” Hen put her arm back around Karen, who waved at them meekly. There was a beat of silence before Chim practically launched himself across the table, holding his hand out to Maddie with a wide smile.

“And I’m Howie! But everyone calls me Chim.”

The rest of the table chuckled at his over eagerness, but Maddie simply blushed and shook his hand shyly. Bobby held his hand out next, introducing himself and Athena to Buck, who shook their hands happily.

“So would you guys like to join us? Eddie mentioned you two met last time we were here?” Chim ignored Eddie’s pointed stare as Buck laughed softly, glancing down at Eddie again.

“Ah, he did, did he? But sure, if that’s okay with you guys?” The question was ambiguous, but his gaze was focused on Eddie, who shrugged and gestured his arm across the table.

“Yeah of course, pull up a seat,” he answered, and Chim quickly jumped over and patted the now vacant chair between himself and Karen.

“You can sit here if you want, Maddie! More hands in case Karen decides to visit the floor again,” he ducked to the side when Karen reached over to pinch his shoulder, and Maddie and Buck shared a look before Maddie made her way over, grinning. Eddie tried to control his rapidly increasing heartbeat when Buck slid into the chair next to him, their shoulders touching briefly, and gripped his beer tighter.

“So, how have you been?” Buck asked, taking a sip of his own drink as he leaned back in the chair casually. Eddie shrugged again, shooting a smile in Buck’s direction and copied his pose.

“Yeah not bad. Work has been busy,” he replied and Buck nodded.

“What is it you do?” he asked.

“I’m a firefighter. Well, we all are actually, aside from Athena and Karen,” Eddie felt a tingle up his spine at the way Buck visibly sat up straighter at the mention that he was a fireman.

“A firefighter? That’s so cool! Work must be insane for you guys!” Eddie couldn’t help but chuckle at the enthusiasm in Buck’s voice, as he nodded in the affirmative.

“Yeah, it can get a bit crazy at times,” he agreed, and downed the last of his drink, placing his glass back on the table and turning his body slightly towards the other man. Athena, Bobby, Hen, Chim and Karen all had their attention on Maddie, so Eddie didn’t feel guilty for monopolising the conversation with Buck.

“What about you? What do you do, aside from play music?”

“I work at the tax office, believe it or not. And yes, it is as boring as it sounds,” Buck replied, rolling his eyes. “But, it pays the bills and my evenings and weekends are free to play gigs, so I can’t complain too much.”

Eddie nodded, not wanting to admit that the tax office was honestly the _last_ place he would have guessed Buck worked. He had assumed some kind of bartender, or barista, judging purely on his appearance and the fact that he was in a band.

Over the following hour, Eddie felt himself grow more and more comfortable around Buck, those initial butterflies that left him awkward and tongue-tied settling into an easy familiarity. He learnt that Buck was 28 and had grown up in Pennsylvania, but had been living in LA for 2 years now. He spent his early 20s travelling around South America, and while he sucked at reading, he loved maths and science. In turn, Eddie talked about growing up in El Paso, and his time in the Army and how much he enjoyed working at the 118. For reasons he didn’t want to dwell on too much, he avoided mentioning Shannon, which also meant he hadn’t mentioned Christopher yet. He loved his son more than life itself, but for some reason he wanted to stay in this little bubble with Buck for a little bit longer, where he was just Eddie: firefighter instead of Eddie: failed husband and average father.

Buck was laughing at something he said when they were interrupted by a tipsy Karen, who waved her hand in their direction to get Eddie’s attention.

“Eddie! Eddie. We were just talking about the time we took Denny and Christopher to that park, you know, the one with the pirate ship? What was it called again?” she slapped her arm down onto the table and Eddie couldn’t help but flinch slightly.

“Ah, I think it was Peppercorn,” he replied quietly, hoping that was enough information to put an end to the conversation. Karen lifted her arm and clicked her fingers in triumph, turning to Maddie excitedly.

“Yes! That was it, Peppercorn! The boys had the best time,” she glanced back at Eddie and laughed loudly, “Remember you had to practically drag Christopher back to the car, and promise him you’d read him 2 books _every night_ for a month as long as he let you buckle him into his seat?”

Eddie felt his cheeks go red, but luckily the others were too tipsy to notice and simply continued on with their conversation without waiting for a response.

“Ah, who is Christopher?”

Eddie swallowed thickly when he felt Buck’s gaze on him, and he slowly turned to face his new friend with a small smile.

“My son. Christopher is my son,” he said quietly, and he averted his gaze to Buck’s shoulder shamefully.

“Oh shit, you have a kid? Why didn’t you say so? I love kids!” Eddie’s eyes snapped up at Buck’s response, and instead of disappointment he saw a wide smile on the other mans face. If Buck was confused as to why Eddie hadn’t mentioned he had a child over the course of the last hour, he didn’t show it.

“Really?” Eddie said dumbly, and Buck threw his head back and laughed.

“Absolutely. They view the world in such a cool way, and are way less pessimistic than adults. Have you got a photo?” Buck leaned forward in anticipation, and Eddie couldn’t help but grin as he took his phone out and showed him a photo of Chris, smiling widely for the camera.

“Oh wow, he is adorable!” Buck beamed at him and Eddie felt his heart swell with pride.

“Yeah, he really is,” he murmured, staring at the photo for a little longer before he closed the app and pocketed his phone. They were silent for a moment before Buck spoke again, this time more quietly than before.

“So, is his mum in the picture?”

Eddie felt his stomach drop and he glanced over to see Buck staring at his beer bottle, absently picking at the label. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and over his jaw before dropping it onto the table.

“She is, but it’s,” he paused, “it’s complicated.” He knew how pathetic that sounded, but he didn’t know how else to word it. Buck just nodded, and a heavy silence fell over them once more. Eddie racked his brain trying to come up with something to say, anything to break the tension and go back to the easy conversation they had been having, but he was coming up blank. Luckily for him, Buck threw him a lifeline when he cleared his throat and pointed to the tattoo on Eddie’s arm.

“Where did you get that done?” he asked, and Eddie glanced down to the script circling just under his elbow.

“Ah, a place in El Paso,” he said, lifting his arm up to inspect the slightly faded ink briefly. It was one of the first tattoos he had ever gotten, and Shannon had laughed the whole time at how hard he scrunched up his face while it was being done.

“Nice. Do you ever think about getting any more done?” Buck leaned forward and rested his head on his hand, and Eddie shrugged.

“Maybe. I mean, I’d like to, but I don’t know any decent artists around here yet,” he set his arm back on the table and turned his body to face Buck fully.

“I can help you out, if you want? I’ve got a girl I go for all mine. Down on Sunset, place is called Hot Copper,” Buck whipped out his phone and opened Instagram so he could show Eddie a few examples of her work.

“Oh, wow,” Eddie was impressed, and whilst before he was unphased about getting any more ink done, he decided then and there that he would definitely be organising a session soon. Buck nodded, shutting the app down and flicking open his contacts instead.

“Yeah, she’s super talented. Here, give me your number and I’ll text you through all the details. She’s normally booked out 6 months in advance but if you drop my name you might be able to get in sooner,” he gently nudged his phone towards Eddie, who picked it up and typed in his number before clicking ‘save’. He handed it back to Buck, trying not to react when their fingers brushed together momentarily and he felt a tingle spread from his fingers right up his arm. Buck beamed at him as he pocketed his phone again, and Eddie found himself caught up in how vibrant the blue of Buck’s eyes were, and how the birth mark just made him even more attractive. Eddie had always had a thing for little quirks in people; a small mole on a cheek, a scar on a finger, a splatter of freckles across a nose. He silently added _birthmark above an eye_ to his list.


	4. Chapter IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea how to set out text message convos, so I hope they are easy enough to follow!

Shannon dropped the grocery bags on the kitchen island with a thump, causing Eddie to look up from where he was currently helping Christopher with his homework. Her face was pinched into a look of annoyance and the way she was handling the food as she took them out of the bags was nothing short of aggressive. A part of Eddie wanted to pretend he didn’t notice her mood and continue on as he was, but the other part knew that if he feigned ignorance it would just blow up in his face later. He glanced back down to Christopher, who was working on addition sums in his maths book, and ruffled his hair.

“I’ll be back in a minute, bud. I’m just going to help your mum unpack.” Christopher nodded in response as Eddie stood up and made his way into the kitchen.

“Are you alright?” He asked as he started pulling things out of bags and placing them on the bench. Shannon didn’t answer right away, and Eddie started thinking about what he might have done to piss her off. She was fine when she left for work this morning, and Eddie hadn’t spoken to her since then so he surely he couldn’t have done anything to annoy her. But then again, maybe the fact that he _hadn’t_ spoken to her all day _was_ the reason she was annoyed? He was so busy starting to panic that he almost missed the fact that Shannon had started speaking.

“I was called into Greg’s office this afternoon, and he tells me that even though _I_ have been the lead on this project for the past 3 months, he is sending JASON to the conference,” she spat out Jason’s name like it was venom on her tongue, and practically threw the can of black beans into the cupboard. 

“Jason is fucking useless, and is barely able to spell his own fucking name, let alone be relied on to represent our whole company at the most prestigious conference of the year,” Shannon continued, her voice rising, “And then he tries to act like he’s doing me a _favour_ because he wants me to go to Tennessee and oversee the new regional office starting up instead.” She finishes her rant by slamming the bananas into the fruit bowl with so much force that 2 apples bounce out and roll onto the floor. There is silence as she takes a deep breath and pinches her nose in exasperation, and Eddie stands, frozen in place, still holding a bag of chips in his hands. He’s kind of annoyed on her behalf; he knows she has been working extra hours to get this project off the ground, so to be told that someone else is taking her rightful place to present it is justifiably infuriating. He’s about to tell her this when his brain reminds him of the second part of her rant.

“Wait, he wants you to go to Tennessee?” He places the chips on the counter as Shannon opens her eyes to look at him, a mixed gaze of guilt and defiance flashing in his direction.

“Yes. But only for a month,” she shifts uncomfortably as she glances over at Christopher, and Eddie knows exactly what she is thinking. For all their failures as a couple, both Eddie and Shannon did the best they could with their son, and Eddie knew that being away from Christopher for that long would be making her feel extremely guilty.

“Look, I,” Shannon paused, moving to sit on one of the stools and motioned for Eddie to do the same. He sat down as she continued, “I don’t have to go. But as much as I know it’s a token consolation prize for screwing me over with the conference, it’s also a really good opportunity, career wise.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Eddie staring at the kitchen bench and Shannon picking her nails and shooting nervous looks his way. It isn’t ideal, but Eddie knows how important Shannon’s career is to her. 4 weeks isn’t a crazy long time, and he knows that between himself, Abuela, Tia Pepa and Carla, finding someone to watch Christopher while he is at work wouldn’t be a problem. A part of Eddie wonders if maybe a break from one another would be a positive thing as well; give them both time to think about their marriage and what they can do to get it back on track. Or, if he’s being honest, time to think about whether they even _want_ to get it back on track.

“When would you have to leave?” He asked, and Shannon turned to look at him, a hopeful look on her face.

“Sunday,” she said quietly, and Eddie raised his eyebrows but didn’t reply straight away. That was only 3 days away. Not ideal, but Eddie was off on Monday and Tuesday, so he had until Wednesday to organise someone to pick up Christopher after school and watch him until his shift ended. It was doable. And to be truthful, the selfish part of him was liking the idea of having a break from the constant awkwardness that plagued their house whenever the two of them were home.

“Okay. Go. We’ll work something out,” he finally said, and it was almost comical the way Shannon’s eyes grew wide in disbelief. She was obviously assuming Eddie would put up a fight, and Eddie inwardly cringed a bit at the lack of faith she had in him. Although to be fair, it probably wasn’t entirely unwarranted.

“Are you sure?” Shannon pressed, and Eddie shrugged, running his hand over his jaw and glancing back at Christopher briefly.

“Yeah. Go. Like you said, it will be good for your career. Christopher and I will be fine for a month,” he smiled tightly at her and her face slowly broke into a wide smile. She was pretty when she smiled, Eddie thought. It had been a while since he had seen her smile, so he’d forgotten.

“Wow that’s,” she placed her hand on Eddie’s and squeezed gently, “that’s really considerate of you, Eddie. Thanks.” She got up and went over to Christopher, presumably to inform him of the news, while Eddie stayed in place, staring at the hand that Shannon had just let go of. He couldn’t help but think about how when he and Buck’s hands had touched, there was a rush of warmth that seeped through his skin, but with Shannon there was…..nothing.

\-------------------------

Shannon left on Sunday afternoon, and when Eddie and Christopher got back from dropping her at the airport, the sky was beginning to turn a pretty shade of pink and orange. Christopher was quiet on the drive home, choosing to stare out the window instead of engage in conversation, so Eddie decided to order pizza for dinner in an attempt to cheer him up.

“Hey mijo, are you alright?” He knelt down beside his son, who was sitting on the couch staring blankly at the TV screen. Christopher didn’t answer straight away, but Eddie waited patiently, knowing that if he hounded him for an answer before he was ready to give one, he’d wind up with a ‘I’m fine’ and nothing else - he got his stubbornness from Eddie. Eventually Christopher’s eyes moved from the TV to his father, and Eddie smiled in encouragement.

“Mum is coming back, right?” Christopher asked quietly, and Eddie huffed out a small laugh as he ruffed his hair and kissed the top of his head.

“Of course she is! She’s just got to go and be very important in Tennessee for a little while. But it will go really quick, I promise,” Eddie waited for Christopher to nod before he squeezed his shoulder and stood up.

“But while she’s gone, we can have some boy time! How about pizza for dinner?” He grinned as Christopher nodded furiously, and whipped his phone out to organise the food as he walked back into the kitchen, leaving his son watching TV with a smile on his face. He had just finished placing their order when his phone pinged, and Eddie noticed a message from a number he didn’t recognise pop up on his screen.

_Hey Eddie! It’s Buck. Sorry I took so long to get these details to you – big weekend! How are you, anyway? – 0476 267 277 [received: 6:23pm]_

The message was followed by a link to the tattoo studio Buck had recommended when they last spoke, and Eddie couldn’t help the sense of relief that spread through his chest. After 2 days of not hearing from Buck, Eddie had convinced himself that he had imagined the connection they had had, and that Buck had only got his number to be polite. He went to respond straight away before pausing – he didn’t want to come over as too eager, like as though he had been sitting by his phone all weekend, just waiting for Buck to text him. Truthfully, he kind of had, but he didn’t want Buck to know that. He clicked out of the message and slowly put his phone on the bench, staring at it for a moment as though it was some mythical object. He then took a step back, and then another, and then one more before he turned on his heel and walked back into the lounge room and took a seat next to Christopher on the couch. He allowed himself to be partially distracted by the TV show his son was watching, only getting up once the pizza had arrived. He and Christopher ate it on the couch and in the spirit of boys time, Eddie allowed Christopher to pick a movie to watch before bed. The credits for Moana started rolling and Eddie glanced over to see Christopher struggling to keep his eyes open, and he chuckled as he picked him up to get him ready for bed. Once he was tucked under the covers, Eddie practically bounced back to the kitchen to grab his phone, furiously writing out a reply to Buck’s earlier message.

**_Buck. Hey. No worries, I totally understand! Thanks for that, I’ll definitely keep them in mind next time I decide to get back in the chair. I’m going pretty well, just put Christopher to bed. How are you? – Eddie [sent: 8:54pm]_ **

He clicked send and saved Buck in his contacts before he started on his own bedtime routine, and was surprised when less than a minute later, a reply came through. Clearly Buck was not overthinking the whole ‘too eager’ thing like Eddie was.

_How is the little man?! I’m fine, just super tired. Played a gig in Anaheim Friday night, and then had a mates birthday last night. I didn’t get home until 4, and had to be up to help my sister move by 9, so I’m pretty wrecked now! – Buck [received: 8:55pm]_

Eddie snorted as he put the phone down briefly in order to change into his pyjama bottoms. He thought back to his own weekend of cleaning out the garage, helping his Abuela fix the railing of her back deck and taking Christopher to the park, and realised that he and Buck could not be living more opposite lives right now. He quickly brushed his teeth and grabbed his phone as he jumped into bed, settling back in the pillows to reply.

**_Sounds like a fun weekend! Chris is fine, he was a bit down because his mum left tonight for a few weeks for a work thing, but pizza and Moana seemed to cheer him right up. – Eddie [ sent: 9:01pm]_ **

Eddie tapped the phone against his chin as he looked over to Shannon’s side of the bed. He wondered if he was going to struggle to sleep without her there, even though more often than not they both slept at the edge of the bed, a canyon of space between their bodies.

_Oh, poor kid! How long is she gone for? – Buck [received: 9:02pm]_

**_A month. He’ll be fine, just need to distract him a bit at the start I think! – Eddie [sent: 9:03pm]_ **

_Well, I’m not sure if you’d be interested, but there is a kids fair happening down at the Santa Monica Pier this weekend. I’ve got a mate working the fairy floss stand and I reckon I can get us a discount if that’s your kind of thing ;) – Buck [received: 9:06pm]_

Eddie’s mouth fell open slightly as he stared at his screen. Was Buck asking him on a date? He immediately shook his head, feeling stupid. Of course not, he knew Eddie was married. Plus, the offer obviously included Christopher, and he was just helping out because Eddie had said he was sad about Shannon leaving. A pang of disappointment gripped his chest briefly, before he shooed the feeling away. This was about Christopher.

**_That sounds amazing, actually. Chris would love it! – Eddie [sent: 9:07pm]_ **

_Great! I’ll be in touch later in the week and we can organise details. I better go to sleep though, I have to work tomorrow and I’ve burned through the 4 cups of coffee I had today. Night, Eddie – Buck [received: 9:08pm]_

**_No worries. Night, Buck. – Eddie [sent: 9:08pm]_ **

Eddie double checked his alarm before he put his phone on the nightstand and flicked off his light. He snuggled down into the doona, unable to keep the smile off his face as he drifted off to sleep. His dreams were filled with blue fairy floss, ocean waves, a pink birthmark and soft, full lips, and he slept undisturbed until his alarm went off the next morning.


	5. Chapter V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all those people who have left comments and kudos, it really means a lot and keeps the motivation rolling. :)

By the time Saturday rolled around, Eddie was a mess. He knew he had nothing to feel anxious about; he and Buck had been texting occasionally throughout the week and it was all above board and friendly, and Christopher was going to be there. But when it came time to leave for Santa Monica, Eddie’s stomach was twisting in knots and he was regretting the coffee he had drank when he woke up. Christopher, on the other hand, was a ball of excitement. He hadn’t met Buck yet, but Eddie had spoken about him, and when he told Christopher about Buck’s friend running the fairy floss machine, well, Christopher had decided that Buck was already his new best friend.

The drive there was slow, typical LA traffic on a sunny Saturday morning, and when they found a park near the entrance to the pier, Christopher practically vibrated out of the car.

“Where’s Buck?!” he asked, glancing around while Eddie locked the car. Eddie chuckled at his sons enthusiasm, shaking his head fondly.

“He’s here, mijo. He’ll meet us inside. Come on,” he ruffled Christopher’s hair as they walked through the fair towards where Buck said he would meet them. When Eddie finally spotted him, his breath caught in his throat momentarily. Buck was wearing a white t-shirt and black jeans that sat low on his hips, a pair of dirty black converse on his feet. A light grey zip-up hoodie was open on top of his t-shirt, and his dark hair was slightly messy in that way that looked effortless but Eddie knew from experience actually took ages to perfect. He looked fucking gorgeous, and it made Eddie feel dowdy in comparison in his blue jeans, maroon tee and khaki open shirt. He was leaning against the side of a booth, one ankle crossed over the other, playing around on his phone, and Eddie was reluctant to interrupt just so he could stare at him for a bit longer. However, as if he sensed they were nearby, Buck glanced up and his face lit up as he met Eddie’s gaze. Eddie smiled back and tapped Christopher on the shoulder, pointing over to where he was standing.

“Look, there’s Buck,” he said, leading Christopher over to the booth. When they arrived, the first thing Buck did was crouch down so he was eye level with Christopher, a big smile on his face.

“Hey, you must be Christopher. My name is Evan, but everyone calls me Buck,” he said. Christopher smiled back, his head cocked slightly to one side.

“Why Buck?” he asked bluntly, and Buck huffed out a laugh, glancing up to Eddie with a twinkle in his eye. Eddie shot him an apologetic smile, although he was also a bit curious as to how he got saddled with the nickname.

“Good question. My last name is Buckley, so people just shortened it to Buck,” he replied, and Christopher seemed to mull over his answer for a moment before nodding.

“Kind of like how people call me Chris because my name is Christopher.”

“Yeah buddy, exactly!” Buck laughed as he stood up, grinning at Eddie. “He’s awesome.”

“Yeah, I think so too,” Eddie replied, a flourish of pride spreading through his chest.

“Well, Christopher. What do you wanna check out first?” Buck glanced around and Christopher did the same, his eyes finally settling on the Ferris wheel.

“I want to go on that!” he said excitedly, and Eddie’s stomach dropped. His face must have as well, because Buck nudged his shoulder and gave him a concerned look as they started moving towards the line.

“You alright?” he asked, and Eddie shrugged.

“I’m not a fan of Ferris wheels,” he admitted, and he was slightly offended when Buck barked out a laugh.

“Wait, you’re a firefighter and you don’t like Ferris wheels? Really?!” he glanced between the Ferris wheel and Eddie, eyebrow raised, and Eddie narrowed his eyes at him.

“When you have a fatality on a Ferris wheel at work, it kind of loses its appeal,” he said, not breaking eye contact. Buck’s eyes widened in response and his cheeks flushed red with embarrassment.

“Oh god, I’m sorry, I didn’t even think-“ he stopped speaking when Eddie burst out laughing, a confused look on his face.

“I’m just fucking with you,” Eddie clarified, punching his shoulder playfully. “I was on one as a kid and it broke down when I was at the top, so I always get anxious going on them now.”

Buck stared at him for a moment before punching his shoulder back, a little harder than Eddie’s attempt.

“Jesus man, that was dark,” he shook his head but chuckled anyway, and Eddie felt like he was riding a high knowing that magical sound was because of him.

They continued to chat while they lined up for the ride, Buck making sure he included Christopher in the conversation as much as he could, which warmed Eddie’s heart. Christopher seemed to have warmed to Buck more than Eddie expected, as was evident when they reached the front of the line and he opted to sit next to Buck instead of his father. Eddie feigned offense, putting his hand over his chest and pouting while Christopher and Buck giggled.

“Okay buddy. I reckon we’ll be able to see my house when we get to the top,” Buck said when they were halfway up the ride.

“Really?! What does it look like?” Christopher peered over the edge excitedly, making Eddie’s anxiety go up a little. He might be okay with heights thanks to his job, but the parent in him always panicked just a little whenever Christopher got close to the edge of something up high. He started to reach out on reflex, but stopped when he saw Buck gently grab the back of Christopher’s top to hold him in place.

“It’s over that way,” Buck waved to their left, “and it has a red roof with a chimney.” Eddie watched the easy interaction between his son and Buck, a man he had only met a few weeks ago, but felt like he had known for years. It did something to his chest, but he made a point of pushing those thoughts away. It was one (weird, awkward) thing to find Buck hot and occasionally think about him in…compromising positions, but another to feel _feelings_. He was a married man, and he had never met someone like Buck before, so the last thing he wanted to do was to make things weird and have Buck back away. He was so caught up in his inner tumultuous thoughts that he completely missed Christopher speaking to him until Buck nudged his knee with his own, cocking his head to one side questioningly.

“Ah, sorry mijo, what did you say?” he shot Buck a grateful smile before leaning forward to focus his attention on his son, who rolled his eyes dramatically.

“I _said_ ,” Christopher started, with all the sass an 8 year old could muster, “do you think we could see _our_ house from here too?”

Eddie tried not to smile at his son’s attitude, instead looking over the vast spread of rooftops and pretending to search for their own.

“Hmmm. I don’t think so. We are up pretty high but not high enough to see all the way to Glendale,” he ruffled Christopher’s hair as he sighed loudly, slumping back in his seat dejectedly.

“But hey, look out that way! I can see a big ship out there,” Buck poked him in the side and pointed out to sea, and Christopher immediately sat up straighter and peered out around him. The rest of the ride consisted of Buck and Christopher finding the funniest things they could and pointing them out, while Eddie sat back and definitely did _not_ think about how relieved he was for some reason that they got along so well.

The rest of the day went by quickly, Christopher and Buck going on almost every ride available, while Eddie opted to stay back and take photos. True to his word, Buck took them to his friend at the fairy floss stand, and Christopher got a stick of blue fairy floss as big as his head while Eddie got a gentle shake of the head when he went to pay. By the time they decided it was time to go, Christopher was already crashing from his sugar high and half asleep when Eddie strapped him into the car. Eddie was pretty tired himself, although he was slightly sad that he had to say goodbye to Buck. The entire day had been filled with a comfortable comradery between the two men, and try as he might, Eddie couldn’t shake the thought that the three of them together was just so _domestic_. When he and Shannon had taken Christopher to the park a few weeks back, it had been pleasant enough, but there was an underlying feeling of awkwardness that hung in the air the entire time. Where Eddie and Buck chatted easily when Christopher walked on ahead of them, Eddie and Shannon had sat in silence when Christopher was playing on the equipment. Anyone watching them could have been mistaken for viewing them as two strangers sharing a bench instead of a husband and wife taking their kid to the playground.

“So, do you think it took his mind off his mum?” Buck asked when Eddie shut Christopher’s door, his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes gazing up at Eddie through his eyelashes in that way that made his stomach clench. Eddie nodded, leaning against his door and smiling.

“Absolutely. Thanks so much for today, by the way. You didn’t have to come all this way just for us,” Eddie suddenly felt shy, thinking about how much effort Buck had put into today. Not just spending time with them on his day off, but shouldering almost all of Christopher’s enthusiasm for a solid 4 hours. Eddie loved his son more than life itself, but he was a typical 8 year old, full of _questions_ and _energy_ and Eddie knew how mentally taxing it could be for even a seasoned veteran like himself. But Buck just waved him off, a grin spreading across his face.

“Don’t even sweat it. I had a great time! You have the most amazing kid,” he said, and Eddie could tell he was being genuine. They both stood there silently for a moment, staring in the car window at Christopher, who had already fallen asleep. It was Buck who broke the silence first, clearing his throat and causing Eddie to refocus his attention on him.

“So, ah, what’s on for the rest of the day?” he asked, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck in a way that showcased his biceps beautifully. Eddie stared at them for a moment before realising, tearing his gaze away and feeling the tips of his ears grow hot.

“Ah, um, not much. Christopher is off to my Abuela’s for the night because I have an early shift tomorrow. I wasn’t going to do much, probably just watch a movie and go to bed. Pretty boring stuff,” he chuckled softly, feeling very lame all of a sudden. Buck probably had big, exciting plans that involved lots of people and alcohol and 4am bedtimes, and Eddie was once again reminded of how different their lifestyles were.

“That sounds like absolute bliss, actually,” Buck replied quietly, and Eddie raked his eyes over Buck, expecting to see the hint of a smile that indicated that he was being sarcastic. Instead, he found a faraway look on his face that suggested he was being genuine.

“You’re welcome to join me if you want,” Eddie blurted out before he could stop himself, clamping his mouth shut the second the words were out. Buck snapped his gaze back to him, but Eddie couldn’t return his look, instead focusing his attention on the space above Buck’s shoulder and feeling like an utter idiot.

“Um,” Buck started, but Eddie waved his hand dismissively.

“Sorry, forget I asked. I’m sure you have much more exciting plans for your Saturday night,” he forced out a laugh and made a show of grabbing his keys out of his jeans pocket and opening his drivers side door. Before he could climb in though, he felt Buck’s hand grab onto his arm.

“No, wait. Are you serious?” Buck asked, squeezing gently. Eddie shrugged, trying to appear casual despite his rapidly beating heart.

“Sure. I mean, if you want to you’re more than welcome,” he picked at a non-existent piece of lint on his thigh, only looking up when the silence stretched out to an uncomfortable length. Buck was staring at him, a big smile on his face, and Eddie couldn’t help but mirror him.

“I’d love to,” Buck finally said, letting go of Eddie’s arm and stuffing his hands back into his jeans pocket. “Text me your address and what time to come over, and I’ll be there.”

Eddie nodded, the smile on his face not wavering.

“Okay, I will. It will probably be like 5 or so, by the time I drop Christopher off and get back,” he explained, and Buck just nodded.

“Awesome, I’ll see you later on then.” Buck tapped the top of Eddie’s car before taking a few steps backwards and waving, then turned on his heel to head towards his own car. Eddie stared after him until Buck glanced back and caught him, and only then did he jump into the drivers seat, a red flush spreading down his neck. 


	6. Chaper VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to get.....complicated.

Eddie risked several speeding fines on the way home from his Abuela’s, but he had told Buck to come over at 5:30 and traffic had been heavier than he expected, so it was already 5 and Eddie still wanted to tidy up the house a bit and have a shower. He screeched to a halt in his driveway, scrambling out of the car and into the house, picking up plates and cups and toys at record speed and tossing them wherever was out of sight. He’d deal with a proper clean up later. He checked his watch and swore under his breath, stripping his clothes off on the way to the bathroom and jumping under the warm spray for the worlds quickest shower. Standing in his bedroom afterwards, he allowed himself a bit more time to pick out an outfit, trying to toe the line between comfort and style. In the end he settled on a dark blue Henley and a pair of tan chinos, hoping he looked like this is how he dressed at home all the time, even though in reality he was a sweatpants and old army t-shirt kind of guy. He had just enough time to duck into the bathroom and fix his hair before there was a soft knock at the front door. Eddie took a deep breath and stared at himself in the mirror for a moment, gripping the counter tightly.

“Relax. This is totally casual. Just two guys, hanging out on a Saturday night watching a movie. Nothing suss,” he told himself, letting go of the counter and shrugging casually. He started to walk out to answer the door before he doubled back, leaning in so close to his reflection that his nose almost bumped against the mirror.

“You’re fucking married,” he reminded himself, narrowing his eyes. Satisfied that he wasn’t going to answer the door, shove Buck up against the nearest surface and maul his face, he strode out of the bathroom and went to let Buck inside. He opened the door and his personal pep talk went straight out the window as he took in the man standing in front of him. Buck was dressed in the same jeans, dirty converse and white t-shirt, but he had ditched his zip up jacket in favour of a red fitted hooded jumper and there was a black beanie sat atop his head. A lone dark curl escaped and rested against his forehead, and Eddie had to physically clench his fists to his side to stop himself reaching up to touch it.

“Hey! I bought beer. I know you’re working tomorrow, but I figured a couple wouldn’t hurt?” Buck held up the 6 pack in his hand, grinning widely. Eddie broke himself out of his fixation and smiled back, moving out of the way to let Buck inside.

“Sounds great. I was just about to order the pizza, anything in particular you want?” he asked, closing the door and leading Buck towards the kitchen.

“Anything, as long as it doesn’t have olives on it,” Buck made a face and Eddie laughed, gesturing to the fridge so Buck could put the beers away, and opening the Uber Eats app on his phone.

“Okay, so how about a pepperoni and a margherita?” Buck nodded as he pulled 2 bottles from the pack, placing the others in the fridge and popping the lids on theirs. He slid one across to Eddie, who glanced up to smile in acknowledgement before refocusing on his phone.

“You have a nice place,” Buck noted, taking a sip of his beer and looking around approvingly. Eddie hummed in response, finishing up ordering their food before he pocketed his phone and grabbed his beer.

“Wanna go on a tour? It won’t take long, the place is pretty small.” He started walking up the hallway when Buck nodded, showing him the bedrooms, bathroom, toilet and laundry, before walking him back to the loungeroom that was on the other side of the kitchen.

“That’s it!” he dropped down onto the couch, grabbing the remote and turning the TV on. Buck followed suit, leaning forward to put his beer onto the coffee table before leaning back and resting his arm along the back of the couch.

“It’s nice. Feels really homely,” he commented, his eyes taking in the room intently. Eddie shrugged, following his gaze and freezing momentarily when he realised Buck was focused on the collection of photos hanging on the wall next to them. They were all family ones; some of Eddie and Chris, Shannon and Chris, the three of them together, Chris on his own, Chris with his parents and Abuela, and one of Eddie and Shannon on their wedding day. His eyes lingered on their wedding photo, wondering what Buck was thinking as he looked at it. Their smiling faces couldn’t be any further from reality now, but from an outsiders perspective, they looked like they were any young couple in love. Which, to be fair, at the time that photo was taken, they were. He glanced at Buck who was clearly taking in that particular print, an unreadable expression on his face.

_Fuck,_ Eddie thought, _he probably thinks we are happily married, and I’m one of those assholes who lies about being in a shit relationship in order to pick up other people._

He shifted uncomfortably, wondering whether he should say something about the photo, crack a joke about ‘the good old days’ or something, anything to reassure Buck that the Eddie and Shannon in that photo was _not_ the Eddie and Shannon of today. The question of _why_ he even felt the need to reassure Buck that his marriage was practically over nudged his brain, especially given the fact that nothing was going to happen between them. But for some reason Eddie just needed Buck to know that fact, so he pointed towards the photo and cleared his throat.

“It’s funny how you can look at a photo and know by looking at it that you were happy when it was taken, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t remember _feeling_ happy _,_ ” he swallowed thickly when Buck turned his attention back to him, and took a big swig of his beer to avoid having to add anything else to his random outburst. Buck stared at him for a moment, seemingly pondering what to say in response, and eventually settled on giving him a small smile.

“Yeah I know what you mean,” he said quietly, and Eddie wasn’t sure if he actually did know what he meant, or just wanted Eddie to feel like what he had said made sense. Neither or them said anything for a moment, until Buck took another sip of his beer and nodded towards the TV.

“So, what do you feel like watching?” he asked, shifting slightly so that his leg pressed up against Eddie’s. Eddie wasn’t sure if it was intentional, but he liked the feeling so he deliberately didn’t move so that they could stay pressed together.

“Um, I heard good things about Lion,” Eddie said, flicking through the titles on Netflix until he found the one he was looking for.

“Okay, sounds good,” Buck drummed his fingers on the back of the couch as the opening credits started, and Eddie put one arm behind his head, his elbow so close to Buck’s fingers he could feel the slight whoosh of air hit his skin as they moved.

\----------------

2 hours, 6 empty beer bottles and 2 mostly empty pizza boxes in front of them later, Buck and Eddie stared at the screen as the closing credits started. Neither of them moved, or spoke, for a few moments until Buck let out a big breath.

“Wow,” was all he said, and Eddie just nodded in agreement. The movie was better than Eddie expected, and he had Buck had barely uttered a word to each other the entire time it played. Now though, he felt he needed something a little less heavy, so he flicked through the titles until he landed on Brooklyn 99, and pressed play. It took about 15 minutes until the mood relaxed again, both of them laughing at the second Halloween Heist episode.

“Man, I love Halloween,” Buck said, tucking one long leg up beneath the other and smiling wide. Eddie glanced over at him, cocking his head to one side.

“Oh yeah? Why?” he asked, he himself pretty neutral on the holiday. Buck looked over at him like he was crazy, his eyebrows raised.

“Ah, why _not_? There’s chocolate and lollies, everyone is in a good mood _and_ there are always people in hot costumes wandering around,” he stared at Eddie as he spoke, and Eddie felt his neck heating up under his gaze.

“I suppose. It’s a bit different when you have a kid, though. I’d be pretty concerned if I was scoping out the trick-or-treaters,” he grimaced and Buck burst out laughing.

“Okay, fair point. But I’m sure there’s plenty of hot parents walking around with said trick-or-treaters,” he waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Eddie couldn’t help but smile.

“Maybe. I haven’t really noticed to be honest,” he admitted, convinced Buck wouldn’t believe him but being totally honest. Both he and Shannon normally took Christopher trick-or-treating together, and he was too afraid to even glance at anyone else lest Shannon get the wrong idea.

“Mmmm. Well, you’re missing out. We normally play a Halloween gig every year, and let me just say, hooking up with someone when you’re both in costume is a whole new level of thrilling,” Buck laughed, and Eddie suddenly felt very thirsty. He and Buck had already finished the beers Buck had brought, so he stood up abruptly and motioned towards the kitchen. Buck’s smile faded into a confused frown, and Eddie mentally slapped himself.

“I feel like another drink. I’ve got some whisky in the cupboard. Do you want one?” he asked, not waiting for a reply before he started walking over to the kitchen.

“Okay, sure,” Buck called after him, and Eddie fished through the cupboards for the whiskey and two glasses. He twisted some ice into both before topping them up generously, walking back to the lounge and handing one off to Buck before he took a seat back beside him. Neither of them spoke for a moment until Eddie swallowed a large mouthful of his drink and turned his body so they were facing each other.

“So, what’s the best costume you’ve seen then?” he asked, and Buck seemed surprised by the question, but recovered quickly enough to raise an eyebrow and smirk.

“By best do you mean creative, or best as in hottest?” He chuckled as Eddie opened and shut his mouth like a fish, and sipped his whiskey as he waited for a response.

“Both?” Eddie eventually settled on, and Buck chuckled again and tipped his head back in thought.

“Hmmm. Okay, most creative was this girl who came to one of our gigs dressed as Ursula from the Little Mermaid. Makeup was on point, and she even had the tentacle dress. It looked so cool. Hottest was probably…,” he paused before snapping his fingers.

“Hottest was definitely the bloke that came to our gig straight from work. He was still dressed in his uniform and it was…,” he stopped talking and mimicked a chefs kiss before laughing and taking another swig of his drink. Eddie just stared at him, mouth slightly open, trying to take in the information he was just presented with. A guy. Okay, so Buck was interested in men. Eddie wasn’t sure if it was relief or fear he was feeling; relief because he might actually have a chance with him, and fear for the exact same reason.

He hadn’t realised that he’d been sitting, staring absently at Buck until the other man shifted uncomfortably and let out a nervous laugh.

“Uh, are you alright?” Eddie snapped out of his daydream and closed his mouth, shaking his head in embarrassment.

“Shit, yeah sorry. I was just,” he paused, floundering for a reasonable excuse to give for his weird reaction to Buck’s revelation, but as usual, he came up blank. He huffed out a breath and weakly threw his wrist in the air, wincing when Buck straightened up, immediately on the defensive.

“Um, is this about the whole guy thing? Because I didn’t really get the whole homophobic vibe from you,” he sounded a bit hurt, and Eddie instantly reached forward too quickly, his whiskey sloshing over the edge of his glass.

“No!” His voice was so high pitched that Buck instinctively leaned backwards a bit, and Eddie groaned and put his glass on the table before he elaborated.

“Sorry, I mean, _no,_ the whole guy thing is fine. Totally fine. Better than fine,” he was rambling, but he noticed that Buck was relaxing, and his frown was replaced by the hint of a smile, so he continued.

“I just didn’t realise you were into men. That’s all. But I have no issue with it, I promise,” he shot Buck an apologetic smile, and melted just a little when he glanced down and then back up at Eddie, a happy grin on his face.

“Okay, good. Because I like you, and it would have sucked if I had to chew you out before deleting your number,” he nudged Eddie with his foot, and both men broke into a chuckle before a comfortable silence settled around them as their focus turned back to the TV. Eddie spent the next 5 minutes having an internal back-and-forth debate in his head over whether or not he should ask the question he really wanted to know the answer to, wondering if it would give away too much about what he was feeling. In the end, his curiosity won out, and he blurted out _“So what was the costume he was wearing, anyway?”_ while never shifting his gaze away from the TV. He took another sip of his drink, noticing from his peripheral vision that Buck had turned his head towards him, and waited patiently for him to respond.

“He was a firefighter, actually,” Buck said casually, smirking when that got Eddie to whip his head around to face him. They stared at each other for a moment, and Eddie noticed Buck glance down towards his mouth and back up before a tiny sliver of tongue peaked out and ran quickly across his lips. The background noise from the TV seemed to fade away and all Eddie could hear was the beating of his own heart, and the heavy breaths coming from his mouth as he finally allowed himself to admit that he was very much attracted to Buck, both physically and emotionally. He continued to stare at him, Buck’s eyes searching his face for something - either an invite or a sign to stop, he assumed. Before he could even comprehend what he was doing, Eddie felt himself answering Buck’s silent question by slowly leaning forward, closing the gap between them slightly. Buck picked up on the movement and Eddie heard his sharp intake of breath as his gaze fell to Eddie’s mouth. His head moved forward, tipping slightly to the side and they were so close that Eddie could feel his breath on his face….

**_‘Don’t blink, they won’t even miss you at all, and don’t think that I’ll always be gone…’_ **

Both Eddie and Buck jumped, Eddie reeling back so quickly he almost fell of the couch, when the loud sound of a phone call pierced the air. Buck swore under his breath as he lifted his hips off the couch and fumbled with his pocket to try and pull his phone out, while Eddie steadied himself and ran his hand through his hair. The realisation of what they were about to do hit him in the chest like a sledgehammer, and suddenly he was having trouble breathing. He stood up abruptly as Buck finally fished his phone out and cancelled the call, staring up at him worriedly when Eddie started pacing in front of the couch.

“Eddie, look, I,” Buck started, before Eddie shook his head and he snapped his mouth shut. Eddie closed his eyes and counted to 5 before sitting back down, turning to face Buck who was looking at him nervously.

“I’ve never met someone who I have clicked with as quickly as you,” he started, adverting his gaze to the spot above Buck’s shoulder. “I’m pretty introverted and I don’t tend to make friends very easily. And I’m fine with that – I’m happy with my current friendship circle. But even though we haven’t known each other for very long, I can’t help but feel like I’ve known you my whole life. And I don’t know how or why that is, but I feel like it is important.”

He glanced back down to Buck, hoping that he was understanding the point he was trying to make without him having to come out and say it directly. The nervous look on Buck’s face had shifted into something a little sadder, before he smiled briefly and clasped his hands together.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. And just so you know, I feel the same,” he said quietly, and Eddie couldn’t help but sense that there was a weight to his words that suggested he wasn’t just talking about the timeframe of their friendship. There was a moment of silence between them, but the electric vibe that laced their last spaced out silence was gone, and eventually Buck cleared his throat and slapped his hands onto his thighs.

“Well, I better get going. It’s late, you have work tomorrow and I should try and organise an Uber before they get snapped up by all the drunks,” he laughed, but it was slightly forced and Eddie felt disappointed despite knowing he was the one who essentially ended their evening. Buck stood up, gathering up some of the empty beer bottles from the coffee table and taking them into the kitchen, and after a beat Eddie reluctantly followed suit. Neither of them looked at the other as they tidied up their mess, the only sound in the house the clinking of bottles being put in the recycling bin and the muffed sound of the TV from the other room. Once there was nothing left to clean, they both stood at the kitchen island, the air thick with unease, Eddie staring at the benchtop and Buck on his phone, presumably organising his Uber. Eddie desperately wanted to say something to fix things, to make Buck look at him again with that megawatt smile, but he didn’t know where to start.

“So, ah, thanks for having me over. I had a really great time today.” Again Buck took the lead, and again Eddie was extremely grateful. He shot him a small, grateful smile and nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, I did too. Thanks for organising the fair, Christopher had an amazing day.”

“Anytime,” Buck answered. There was a beat of silence again before Buck gestured his thumb towards the door. “So, I should, um, head off.”

“Yeah, yeah of course. Absolutely,” Eddie ran his hand through his hair again, noting that it was becoming a habit whenever he was nervous. Buck lifted his hand and Eddie thought he was going to go in for a hug, but at the last minute he deviated and clasped Eddie’s bicep, squeezing briefly before nodding and heading towards the front door. Eddie stayed in place long after the door closed, conflicted emotions swirling throughout his chest leaving him with a slightly sick feeling in his stomach. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song on Buck’s phone is ‘I’m made of wax Larry, what are you made of?’ by A Day to Remember. If you have heard it before, you would see how it definitely broke the ambiance surrounding Buck and Eddie haha.


	7. Chapter VII

3 days later, Eddie was sitting on the couch at the firehouse, flicking through his phone absentmindedly when he felt someone sit down beside him. Glancing up, he was greeted with the anxious face of Chim, who was already opening his mouth to speak before Eddie could acknowledge his presence.

“You’re friends with Buck, right?” he asked bluntly, and at the mention of Buck’s name, Eddie felt his stomach clench briefly. He had sent him a message the day after their near-kiss at his house, making a joke about being at work and having to rescue people from a Ferris Wheel (that was something that absolutely had not happened, but he was desperate to clear the air) and Buck had responded with a quip about PTSD, but aside from that they hadn’t spoken.

“Um, yeah kind of I guess,” he mumbled in response, slightly nervous as to where this conversation was going.

“I thought so. Look, I need your help,” Chim started, ignoring Eddie’s discomfort. “Maddie and I have hung out casually a couple of times, and we've finally decided to go on a proper date. I need you to get some tips from Buck on what would be the best place to take her to.”

Eddie turned to face his co-worker, an eyebrow raised. That was….not what he was expecting.

“You and Maddie?” He said slowly, and Chim sat back slightly, his eyes narrowing.

“Yeah, is that an issue?” he asked, and Eddie could tell his hackles were coming up so he lifted his hands innocently.

“No, no, not at all. I’m happy for you. Sorry, I’m just out of it today,” he ran his hands over his face and shrugged, “but yeah for sure. I can ask for you.”

Chim slapped his shoulder, a wide grin spreading across his face.

“Thanks man. I appreciate it. I really like her so I want it to be special,” he had a dreamy look in his eye and Eddie couldn’t help but feel jealous. He knew that look. Hell, he had _felt_ that look exactly 3 days ago when he was seconds away from cheating on his wife. That thought made him shift uncomfortably, his brain trying to work out if the discomfort came from the knowledge that he was about to break his wedding vows, or the knowledge that given the chance again, he would 100% still want to kiss Buck. 

“You two couldn’t look more different right now,” Hen said, interrupting Eddie’s thoughts as she sat on the armrest of the chair next to them. Both men turned their attention to her, and she chuckled as she gestured her arm out towards them.

“Mr Happy here looks like he just won a million dollars, and Mr Broody here looks like he just lost a million dollars,” she leaned forward and punched Eddie lightly on the arm, grinning as he pouted at her.

“I don’t know why you’re brooding, I gave you a reason to text Buck. You should be thanking me!” Chim exclaimed, and Eddie whipped his head around so quickly he almost gave himself whiplash.

“What are you talking about? I don’t need an excuse to text him.” Eddie glanced between Chim and Hen, who were exchanging a look. “What? I don’t!”

Hen held up one hand, shaking her head softly.

“Hey, it’s fine. Chim is just kidding,” she shot a warning look at Chim, who shrugged but was still smiling smugly. Eddie narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out why that would be something Chim felt the need to joke about, but before any more could be said, the alarm went off. All three of them rushed to get their turnout gear on before they climbed into the truck and sped off into the busy LA streets.

\--------------------------------------------------

3 hours later they arrived back at the firehouse, sweaty and tired. The restaurant fire they had been called to turned out to be more extensive than first thought, but luckily it was closed and no one had been on the premises. Eddie shrugged out of his turnout coat and hung it up on the peg, wondering if he should jump in the shower now or wait. There was still 2 hours left of their shift, and it was likely he’d have to have another one later anyway. He decided to leave it, instead legging it up to the mezzanine to make himself a coffee. A few minutes later he sat down at the bench with his fresh brew, pulling his phone out to mindlessly scroll when he heard a familiar voice behind him. Startled, he spun around and knocked his cup over, swearing as the liquid cascaded over the benchtop and dripped down onto the floor. Buck stood nearby, an amused glint in his eye as he watched Eddie frantically grab the closest hand towel to mop up the mess.

“Buck! What, ah, what are you doing here?” he asked, embarrassed, heat pooling at the base of his neck and working its way up to his hairline. Buck just chuckled, holding up a brown jacket and then placing it on the dining table in front of him.

“I’m on an errand, actually. Maddie needed to drop off Chim’s jacket that he left in her car yesterday, but she was working today. I had the day off so I offered to do it for her,” he explained, glancing around the room in amazement. Eddie understood the look – most people were under the impression that firehouses were dusty old buildings with dated furnishings, but the 118 was bright, airy and modern. The mezzanine level was well equipped with a modern kitchen, a large dining table, a few couches, some small table and chairs, a large flat screen TV, a pool table and even a pinball machine. Even though he couldn’t see it from here, Eddie was sure Buck would even be impressed with their sleeping quarters. It wasn’t a huge area, but the bunk beds were spacious enough and each one had a phone charging dock and blackout curtains. Eddie suddenly had a vision of Buck underneath him in one of the bunks, his hands up above his head and his eyes blown wide with lust as Eddie ground their hips together. He quickly shook the image away, bringing his attention back to the present. Buck was still taking in the space, and Eddie was sure he was as blown away with the place as Eddie was when he first started.

“This place is amazing,” he stated, and Eddie grinned at his correct assumption.

“Yeah, it’s pretty great. Makes the time between calls less boring. Word of advice though – never play GTA against Hen. She cheats,” he replied, wiping up the last of the spill and throwing the towel into the washing basket. Buck just nodded and was about to say something when they heard his name being called out from across the room. Both men looked up to see Chim striding across the floor, a large smile on his face.

“Buck! You’re here! What a nice surprise. Eddie I just needed you to text him the question, you didn’t have to make him come all the way down here,” he said, stopping in front of Buck and raising his eyebrows at Eddie. Eddie felt himself going beet red as he shook his head quickly at Buck’s questioning look.

“He’s here to return your jacket. I hadn’t even got around to texting him your question yet,” he mumbled, sitting down on a stool and trying not to look as uncomfortable as he felt.

“What question?” Buck asked, his gaze alternating between Eddie and Chim. Chim cleared his throat and clasped his hands together, nodding his head to indicate for Buck to sit down. He did, and Chim took a seat opposite him.

“I need some advice on where to take Maddie for dinner on Friday night. I want it to be somewhere nice, but not like super formal, you know? Somewhere that she would feel comfortable. What do you suggest?” Chim stared at Buck expectantly, and Buck was staring back with a soft smile. Eddie couldn’t help but feel a tug in his chest at the sweet look on Buck’s face, his dimples slightly peaking through his skin.

“That’s really thoughtful of you. Well, she hasn’t been here long so I don’t think she has a favourite restaurant yet, but I know she likes Thai food, so perhaps start there?” Buck opened his phone and typed away before holding it up for Chim to look at.

“This is a place we’ve been to before that was nice. Cosy but not too fancy.” Chim took the phone and scrolled through the website that Buck had brought up, nodding and ‘hmmming’ as he went. Buck glanced over at Eddie with a grin, and Eddie just shook his head in amusement. After a moment Chim looked back up and regarded Buck carefully.

“And you’re sure this is the best place to go? No food poisoning incidents? No rats in the kitchen?” he asked seriously, causing Buck to chuckle and nod.

“Nope, no food poisoning or kitchen rats, I promise. In fact, last time we ate there Maddie said it was the best green curry she’d ever eaten,” he raised his eyebrows and that seemed to be enough to win Chim over.

“You are a champion, thanks so much Buck,” Chim slapped his hand onto Buck’s shoulder and grinned before standing up and walking away, staring intently at his phone. Buck turned around to grin at Eddie, who nodded in Chim’s direction.

“So, your sister and Chim, huh? I gotta admit, I wasn’t expecting it,” he said, but Buck just shrugged.

“They hit it off pretty well at the bar that time and she seems pretty into him. He seems like a nice guy,” he paused as he glanced over to where Chim was now sitting on one of the couches, “unless you know more than I do and don’t think it’s a good idea?” Buck sat up a bit straighter as he went into protective brother mode, but Eddie just burst out laughing in response.

“No way. Chim is the nicest person I know. Your sister is in good hands,” he assured him, and he could see Buck physically relax a bit.

“Okay, good. Maddie hasn’t had the best run with relationships in the past, so she deserves someone great this time.” Buck didn’t elaborate and Eddie didn’t question further, but judging by the worried look on his face, Eddie suspected his sister came with some heavy baggage. The worried look didn’t last very long though, and soon enough Eddie was again presented with a relaxed grin on the other mans face.

“So, how have you been?” Buck asked, resting his chin in his hand and staring at Eddie casually. Eddie swallowed, suddenly having a flashback to the two of them sitting on the couch, but there wasn’t an air of awkwardness surrounding them this time. If anything, the longer Buck was here, the more comfortable Eddie felt. He wasn’t entirely sure what the reasoning behind that was; by all accounts they should feel pretty uncomfortable around each other given their almost-kiss, but it wasn’t like that at all. If anything, all Eddie wanted to do right now was sit down and spend the next few hours together with him, talking about whatever came to their minds. Buck had this way of making him feel at ease, and after spending the better part of the previous 3 years feeling tightly wound up, Eddie was relishing in how little by little he was being unraveled.

“I’ve been fine. Just working really,” he replied, and Buck nodded, dragging his gaze up and down Eddie’s body quickly enough to not be creepy, but slow enough for Eddie to definitely notice.

“Yes. I can see that,” Buck smirked, and Eddie tried not to blush at the suggestive tone in his voice. He was suddenly very aware that he hadn’t showered when he got back to the station, so he was probably still covered in soot, but by the way Buck was grinning at him he didn’t think he minded at all. And if Eddie was honest with himself, he was kind of glad he had forgone the shower. He remembered Buck mentioning the hot firefighter from Halloween, and wondered how he stacked up against him at this moment. His thoughts were threatening to spiral out of control when the alarm went off, and he instinctively jumped up and ran towards the stairs.

“Sorry, gotta go! I’ll text you later!” he called to Buck as he raced by, hurrying to put his turnout gear on again. He could feel Buck watching him from the mezzanine as he got geared up and went to jump in the truck, and if he tried to make the process look as sexy as possible, well….that was his business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit of a filler chapter, but I promise the next one is WORTH it. ;)


	8. Chapter VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I know that the whole ‘do you think dogs know they are dogs’ conversation was brought up by Christopher in the show, but I feel like it is something that Buck would contemplate as well, so I reworked it. Also, this is the chapter that earns the E rating – I’ve added a few extra tags as well. Enjoy!

_Do you think dogs know they are dogs? – Buck [received 9:45pm]_

Eddie looked down at his phone, an amused smile on his face as he read Buck’s latest text message. Ever since Buck had dropped by the station and they had cleared the air, he and Eddie had been texting almost non-stop, and Eddie was still caught off guard sometimes with how utterly random Buck could be. He’d queried about aliens, deep sea creatures, traffic lights, the moon cycle and whether or not animals are self-aware and think about their ability to think. Eddie had had absolutely zero idea how to respond to any of the philosophical questions that had come his way, but often found himself staring blankly ahead at random times, contemplating the existence of alien lifeforms.

**_Have you been drinking? – Eddie [sent 9:46pm]_ **

_Ha ha. No, seriously. Do dogs just think we are bigger, less hairier, smarter dogs that walk funny? – Buck [ received 9:50pm]_

Eddie burst out laughing as he read the message, settling back in his bed and trying to find a comfortable position to text in. The last time Buck had opened with a message like that, they had spent 45 minutes discussing the intricate nature of traffic lights. 

**_Honestly I have no idea? Maybe? – Eddie [sent 9:52pm]_ **

_Huh. I think they do. What kind of dog do you think you’d be? – Buck [received 9:53pm]_

**_Easy. A Boxer – Eddie [sent 9:54pm]_ **

_Haha yeah okay, I can see that. I’ve been told I’d be a golden retriever – Buck [received 9:56pm]_

**_You are 100% a golden retriever, I agree – Eddie [sent: 9:57pm]_ **

_Hey, don’t underestimate me. I’d still take you – Buck [received 9:58pm]_

Eddie swallowed thickly as he read the message, his pulse speeding up. He and Buck had been toeing the line between platonic and flirtatious banter for a while now, and all the reasons Eddie had for why they should never cross said line were starting to seem less and less important as time went on. He stared at his phone for long enough to obviously make Buck feel nervous, judging by the 3 dots that appeared and disappeared several times until finally he shook himself out of his daydream and started to type out a response.

**_You think so? – Eddie [sent 10:05pm]_ **

_Oh, I know. You wanna go for the title? – Buck [received 10:06pm]_

Eddie stared down at his phone with his mouth open for so long that a small bit of drool dripped onto the screen. Okay, now _that_ was definitely flirty.

**_You’re deluded. I’d crush you. – Eddie [sent 10:08pm]_ **

_Yeah? And which body part do you plan on crushing me with, exactly? – Buck [received 10:09pm]_

**_Which part would you prefer? – Eddie [sent 10:10pm]_ **

Eddie’s mouth went dry as he clicked send. It was a bold move, and he knew he was steering them in a direction that they wouldn’t be able to turn back from, but he couldn’t help himself. He took a shaky breath as he moved his hand down to palm his thickening cock through his boxer-briefs. His mind was going a mile a minute, and he bit his lip as he saw Buck had started replying. He was so nervous about what the response was going to be that impulsively he threw his phone onto the bed and closed his eyes, giving his cock a few gentle squeezes. The phone pinged and even though he was expecting the reply, Eddie still jumped at the noise. What if he had misread the signs and Buck was being completely platonic? And now he was freaked out by Eddie being a creep, and was messaging to say he didn’t want to be friends anymore? Eddie left his dick alone as he picked up the phone, breathing through his nose as he tried to calm his rapidly beating heart. Opening the message log, he was so surprised by what he saw that he actually dropped the phone on his face.

“Aw, fuck,” he groaned, rubbing his hand over his eye and nose. After the pain subsided somewhat, he picked the phone up again and stared at it, his mouth hanging open slightly and his cock giving a twitch of interest.

“Well, I definitely haven’t misread the signs,” he said out loud as he stared at the photo Buck had sent through. It was obvious Buck was in bed, leaning back against his pillows with one arm behind his head. The photo was taken at an angle that meant Eddie was staring right up the plane of Buck’s stomach and chest, his muscles firm with the hint of a 6 pack and a small smattering of hair on his pecs. Buck had a lazy grin on his face, the shadows of his lamp creating a halo affect across his hair, and instinctively Eddie found himself lightly tracing Buck’s face with his finger. He hadn’t realised he had been staring at the photo for so long until his phone pinged again, and a new message from Buck popped up.

_Too much? – Buck [received 10:20pm]_

Eddie quickly replied, his fingers flying over the keys at record pace.

**_No, not at all. Are you trying to kill me? – Eddie [sent 10:20pm]_ **

_Haha. I’m glad you like it. Do I get anything in return? ;) – Buck [received 10:21pm]_

Eddie bit his lip, thinking for a split second before he leapt up and practically ran into the ensuite. He stared at himself in the mirror, checking his teeth before using a little bit of gel to style his hair in a way that he hoped screamed ‘sexy bed head’. Power walking back to his bed, he grabbed his phone and positioned himself in several poses, snapping away before going through the pictures and deciding on the best one. He slapped a filter on it so that his ab muscles stood out a little bit more, and clicked send. Taking a deep breath, he glanced around the room, his eyes falling on a photo of him and Shannon sitting on their tallboy. It was an old photo, back when they were young and happy, taken at the lookout of a beach. Eddie was behind Shannon, his arms wrapped around her waist and his head resting on her shoulder. She had one hand curled around his arm, the other holding her dress down as the wind threated to expose her underwear to the rest of the tourists milling about. Her long brown hair was flowing behind her, and both she and Eddie were mid-laugh. Eddie felt a pang of guilt as he flicked his gaze from that photo to the photo he just sent, and back again. He quickly stood up, walking over to the dresser and pausing before he reached out and gently placed the photo face down. His phone pinged as he climbed back into bed, and his face went red when he read Buck’s message.

_Fuck, you’re hotter than I imagined. – Buck [received 10:25pm]_

**_Ha! You’ve been imagining me shirtless, have you?! – Eddie [sent 10:26pm]_ **

_Would it make you feel weird if I said yes? – Buck [received 10:26pm]_

**_No. – Eddie [sent 10:27pm]_ **

_Well in that case, I’ve imagined it on many occasions. – Buck [received 10:28pm]_

Eddie took another deep breath as he typed out a reply. The line that Eddie had been refusing to cross for weeks now was about to disappear into the distance, and while Eddie knew it might not be the best idea, too much blood had rushed south for him to be thinking logically anymore. All he wanted – no, _needed_ – right now was Buck.

**_Oh yeah? And what exactly have you been imagining? – Eddie [sent 10:29pm]_ **

_Well, you’re naked, obviously. In my shower. You’re all sweaty from work, so I’m helping you clean off. There’s a lot of shower gel involved, so everything is slippery and wet. And I stand behind you, running my hands up and down your sides, occasionally slipping my hands over your hips and caressing the inside curve of your thighs…. – Buck [received 10:31pm]_

Eddie audibly moaned when he read Buck’s message, his dick now rock hard and straining against the material of his underwear.

**_Fuck. Tell me more? – Eddie [sent 10:31pm]_ **

Eddie reached down and pulled his boxer briefs off, tossing them aside as he took his cock in hand. He closed his eyes, imagining the scenario Buck was describing, precum dribbling out and aiding in his slick hand movements. He slowly fisted himself, envisioning Buck pressed up against his back, his hands ghosting over his skin. His phone notified him that Buck had replied, and he raised it over his head while he continued to stroke.

_You reach up and wrap your hand around my neck, turning your head so that we are kissing. I rest one hand on your hip and run the other one down your chest and stomach until I reach your cock, wrapping my hand around it and tugging lightly. You moan into my mouth but I don’t grip any tighter – I want to tease you until you start to beg. – Buck [received 10:33pm]_

HOLY. SHIT. Eddie was stroking faster now, biting his lip so hard he was sure he was going to break the skin. It had been so long since he had been this turned on, and there was no way he was going to last very long with those images playing in his head.

**_Shit, Buck. I’m so close… - Eddie [sent 10:34pm]_ **

_Fuck, I wish I could see you right now. I want to push you down and run my hands over every inch of your body. I want to lick into your abs, bite little marks into your skin and kiss down your stomach until I get to your cock, and then I want to swallow you whole as you arch your back and thrust in and out of my mouth. – Buck [received 10:36pm]_

Eddie’s vision went white and his legs involuntarily kicked out as he came, a strangled moan escaping his lips. Tingles of pleasure washed over every part of his body like waves, his mouth dropping open and his toes curling and flexing. When his orgasm finally subsided, he was panting hard and there was a slight cramp in his left leg.

“Fuck,” he muttered, looking down at the white stripes covering his skin. He couldn’t believe how intense his orgasm was; he hadn’t had one that strong in years. He took 3 deep breaths, waited until his heartrate slowed down to a normal rhythm and then typed out a shaky message.

**_Wow. I’m so glad I’m home alone right now. That was intense… - Eddie [sent 10:41pm]_ **

Eddie threw his arm across his eyes, a lazy grin appearing on his face.

_Yeah? I wish I could have seen your face. I’m almost there… - Buck [received 10:42pm]_

Eddie read the message and his eyes flicked up as a sudden thought came to him. Before he could second-guess his decision, he took his phone and snapped a picture of the ropes of cum coating his chest and abs and sent it through with the message _‘this was because of you’_.

While he waited for Buck’s reply, he reached over to grab some tissues off the side table to clean himself up. He tossed the tissues into the bin, pulled his boxer briefs back on and settled back under his doona just as a message popped up on his screen.

_Holy shit. That is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Wow. - Buck [received 10:48pm]_

Eddie chuckled before another message followed immediately after, this one an almost identical photo of the one he had sent. But it was Buck’s stomach and chest coated in thick white ropes this time, and Eddie practically whimpered at the sight. He stared at the picture for a moment before he saved it to his phone, knowing full well he would be revisiting it at a later date.

_Okay, I am wrecked – Buck [received 10:51pm]_

**_Yeah, me too. I have a feeling sleep is gonna come easily now. Thanks – Eddie [sent 10:52pm]_ **

_I aim to please ;) night Eddie – Buck [received 10:52pm]_

**_Night Buck – Eddie [sent 10:53pm]_ **

Eddie put his phone on the bedside table and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. He felt sated and content after the…conversation with Buck, but the longer he laid there, the more uneasy he became.

“Fuck,” he whispered into the dark room. He and Buck hadn’t done anything physical, but he knew Shannon would definitely consider what they _had_ done cheating. Truth be told, Eddie did too. He’d admitted to Buck that he was attracted to him, gotten himself off thinking about him, and sent him the photo to prove it. Their friendship could no longer be considered platonic, and Eddie wasn’t sure what that meant moving forward. He spent a considerable amount of time tossing and turning, the uneasy feeling in his stomach spreading until it had dispersed throughout his entire body and he felt the hot prongs of guilt stabbing him repeatedly.

“Fuck,” he whispered again. What the hell was he going to do now?


	9. Chapter IX

Eddie was cooking dinner when his phone rang, and his stomach dropped a little when he saw Shannon’s name pop up on the screen. It had been 2 days since he and Buck had….done what they had done, and he was still feeling guilty. It had taken him a long time to fall asleep after their text conversation, the mix of conflicting emotions swirling throughout his body. When he woke up the next morning, he was still just as confused as he was before he had fallen asleep. On the one hand, he felt guilty for cheating on Shannon, even if it wasn’t _physically_. He was a married man, and he took his vows seriously – they had a family, a life, a _child_ together – and even if they weren’t happy, he still had responsibilities.

On the other hand, he had enjoyed it. God, had he enjoyed it. His entire body had felt like it was on fire when he came; the image of Buck on his knees, his pretty mouth wrapped around his cock, was one of the hottest things he had ever visualised in his life. He could no longer ignore the feelings he felt for him; the way he felt at ease in his presence. It was the first time he had felt like he didn’t have to be on high alert since he moved to LA. The tightly wound coil sitting in his stomach never seemed to waver – at work it was expected given the fact they could be called to an emergency at any given time, but it didn’t dissipate once he clocked off, either. Being at home, the expectations placed on his shoulders (many, admittedly, given to him by himself) to be a good father, a good provider and a good husband, were enough to never let them sag. But being with Buck….the expectations seemed to fade away and he was allowed to just _be._ He knew realistically that he and Buck could never happen, but that night he had allowed himself to pretend, and it was both the best and worst decision of his life.

Buck had texted him the following morning, sending him a link to an exhibition on Space at the planetarium that he thought Christopher might like to go to, and Eddie’s heart had soared. Firstly, he was just in awe of how attentive Buck was towards his son, despite only meeting him once. And secondly, he was somewhat relieved that he didn’t mention what they had done the night before. If they didn’t speak about it, he could pretend it never happened, despite the evidence sitting in his messages. He had slightly panicked then, highlighting their conversation thread and hovering his finger over the delete button. In the end he couldn’t bring himself to delete it completely, so he settled for screenshotting the conversation and saving it, along with the pictures Buck had sent, in a folder labelled ‘work docs’. He then tidied up their text history; if anyone was to stumble upon it, they would think they stopped talking after Eddie agreed Buck would be a golden retriever if he was a dog, and picked up again when Buck suggested taking Christopher to the planetarium.

Eddie had spent the following 30 minutes rereading the messages and staring at the images of Buck, flicking from his selfie in bed to the picture of his abs covered in cum whilst taking himself in hand. His orgasm this time was slightly less intense than the night before, but no less enjoyable. Taking advantage of the empty house, he had allowed himself to moan Buck’s name when he came, imagining what the other mans face would look like when he tipped over the edge.

Back in the present though, he really didn’t want to answer the phone. He was worried that Shannon would somehow immediately figure out what he had done, but it had been a few days since they had last spoken and he owed it to Christopher to let him talk to his mother.

“Hey Shannon, how are you?” he asked as he answered the call, turning the gas down on the stove and starting to move towards the lounge where Christopher was watching TV.

“Hi! I’m great, how are you?” Shannon sounded high-pitched and happy, and Eddie slowed down his movements.

“Ah, I’m good thanks. You sound….happy,” he replied, and his eyebrows shot up to his hairline when Shannon let out a loud, exhilarated laugh.

“Gosh Eddie, you’re acting as though this is something new and different for me!” she followed her laugh with a giggle and Eddie pursed his lips together, caught off guard by her tone. He didn’t think Shannon was depressed or anything, but there hadn’t been that kind of genuine, happy laugher in their household for a long time.

“Do you want me to get Chris?” he eventually asked, suspecting that there might be a few glasses of wine behind this upbeat mood and tossing up whether or not it was a good idea for her to speak to him right now. He listened to a few thumps in the background and figured that Shannon must be back in her hotel room and getting changed out of her work clothes.

“Chris? No, not right now. I wanted to talk to you,” she replied, and Eddie suddenly felt nervous.

“Me?” he asked, walking back into the kitchen, “why?”

“Oh my god, Eddie! Because you’re my husband?” He could almost hear Shannon rolling her eyes, and he resumed his spot in front of the stove, stirring the soup slowly.

“Okay. What do you want to talk about?” Eddie wasn’t sure what they could converse about; aside from Christopher they barely had anything in common anymore. There was some rustling on the other end of the line before Shannon let out a breathy giggle.

“Well, I’m currently sitting in my bed, thinking about you, and I’ve just taken all my clothes off.” Her voice was low and Eddie almost had to strain to hear her, but he definitely didn’t miss the last part of her sentence. His eyes widened and he dropped the wooden spoon into the soup pan, splashing hot soup over his hand.

“Aw, fuck!” he cried, sucking the liquid off his hand before rushing over to the sink to run it under cold water.

“Eddie?! Are you okay?” Shannon sounded concerned and Eddie didn’t answer right away, his brain still catching up to what she was trying to initiate with him.

“No, I’m fine. Just got some hot soup on my hand is all,” he replied, turning the tap off and bringing his hand back to his mouth.

“Oh, okay, good then,” Shannon sounded more reserved now, and Eddie couldn’t help but feel relieved. The idea of having phone sex with Shannon was something he was 100% not interested in right now, although the irony that he had enthusiastically done exactly that with Buck only 2 nights ago was not lost on him. There was a beat of silence before Shannon cleared her throat and giggled again, and Eddie winced.

“Well, do you have some time to talk privately?” she purred, and god, the sick feeling in Eddie’s stomach was growing.

“Ah, probably not, sorry. Chris is in the lounge and I’m making dinner,” he tried to sound apologetic despite feeling anything but, hoping it was enough of an excuse to cease the direction the conversation was going in. But Shannon was anything if not persistent, and she just laughed again.

“Come on, Eddie. I’m sure Chris can be distracted with TV for a bit and dinner can wait 15 minutes. Don’t you care that I am sitting here, wearing nothing but that diamond necklace you got me on our wedding day, thinking about you and all the things I want you to be doing to me?”

Her voice sounded breezy and Eddie’s dick gave a small twitch of interest in response. Okay, so they weren’t exactly in a good space romantically, but it had been a long time since Eddie had had sex – something his body was clearly very aware of. He ran his hands over his face, ignoring the physical reaction her words had on him, and shook his head.

“What brought this on, Shannon? Are you drunk?” He knew it was the wrong thing to say the second it came out of his mouth, and he grimaced at the sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line.

“Jesus Christ, Ed. Are you serious? Fucking hell, is it so bad that I want to have sex with my husband? Gosh, how dare I, what a horrible wife I must be!” Shannon’s voice had gone from breezy and happy to venomous and spiteful, and Eddie squeezed his eyes shut.

“That’s not what I meant,” he tried, but stopped when Shannon let out a disgusted snort.

“Yeah, okay sure. Fuck Eddie. Sometimes I don’t know why I even fucking bother anymore,” she spat, and then Eddie was left listening to silence as she disconnected the call. He stood there for a moment longer, the phone still at his ear, as he tried to wrap his head around what had just happened. Shannon was definitely drunk, Eddie was sure of that, but she’d been drunk numerous times over the last year and not once tired to initiate anything sexual. He wasn’t sure why this time it was different, although he wondered if perhaps the fact that they weren’t in the same state had something to do with it. While Shannon was keen to verbally take the conversation into R rated territory with him, it was far less intimate than physically being together, and Eddie suspected that was part of the appeal. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he had forgotten all about the soup on the stove, and only realised when Chris called out, asking what the burning smell was. He swore under his breath and quickly turned the gas off, taking the now burnt-smelling soup over to the sink and tossing it down the drain. Bits of burnt pieces stuck to the bottom of the pan, and he poured dish liquid onto it and filled it with hot water to soak. He grinned sheepishly at Chris when he wandered into the kitchen and held up his phone.

“Uber Eats?”

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Shannon didn’t call again for a week and a half, and when she did, it was to inform Eddie that she would be gone for an extra week because she decided to stop in and visit her parents back in Texas. To be honest, Eddie wasn’t totally surprised that she was prolonging her trip, but he was a bit concerned with how Christopher was going to take the news. When Shannon first left, he had sat down with his son and created a countdown calendar so Christopher had a visual reminder of when his mother would be back, and he had been dutifully crossing off the days. To Eddie’s surprise, Christopher took the news with minimal fuss, simply nodding his head and asking if they could add the extra days to the calendar. Eddie didn’t push the issue, satisfied that if Christopher was upset about the change in plans, it wasn’t enough to warrant him being concerned. He guessed that after 4 weeks perhaps Christopher was used to Shannon not being around, so an extra week wasn’t too big of a deal. Even so, they added the extra days and continued on with their week.

2 days before Shannon was due home, Buck messaged Eddie and asked if he wanted to come along to his gig that night. It was a last minute slot, filling in for a band who’s drummer had come down with food poisoning, and Eddie didn’t need to think twice before replying in the affirmative. The last month without Shannon home had been tricky at first, but sooner than he expected, he and Christopher had fallen into an easy rhythm. He had been right about there not being an issue with finding someone to watch Christopher when he was working, although it was probably a blessing that the other family Carla worked with had gone to New York for a medical trial and left her with extra shifts to fill. Either way, he had found that he enjoyed it just being himself and Christopher; the house felt light and there was no tension in the air anymore. Coming home from work no longer brought with it a sense of anxiety; instead Eddie looked forward to the end of his shifts and the few nights he had had on his own. At first he had struggled to relax fully, not allowing himself to completely tear down the walls he had built around himself because he knew it was only temporary, but one day – about a week after Shannon left – he came home to an empty house after dropping Christopher at Abuela’s and he felt….peaceful. Lighter. And that was it, the final bricks were thrown away and he finally acknowledged that he was happier without Shannon around. It was a startling realisation, and Eddie was still unsure if he could act on his newfound awareness or not, but the truth was there at least. 

So, after Buck extended his invitation, Eddie figured that he deserved to go out and enjoy himself one last time before the coil that had slowly unfurled over the last few weeks was wound back up tight and he had to make some tough decisions about his future.

He dropped Christopher off at Abuela’s in the early afternoon, promising to collect him the following day for a trip to the aquarium. Christopher was very excited that his mum was almost home, so he happily agreed and flashed Eddie the kind of smile that seeped through his skin and furled around his heart. Eddie brushed off the pang of guilt that accompanied it though, wondering if he would still be on the receiving end of said smile if he decided to break up their family unit.

Once he got back home and started to get himself organised for his night out, however, the worries about his family faded and the excitement about spending time with Buck kicked in. They had only seen each other in person once since their little sexting session, and that was by accident. Eddie had tagged along with Chim to go and get everyone coffee in the middle of a 24 hour shift, and unbeknownst to him, Chim had teed up a ‘run in’ with Maddie at the coffee shop. And unbeknownst to both Eddie _and_ Chim, Maddie had dragged Buck along with her. There was a moment of awkwardness when Eddie had locked eyes with Buck inside the shop, but the easy smile Buck had offered him was enough to break the tension and have Eddie smiling back like a fool. Thankfully, Chim was too engrossed in Maddie to notice, or if he did notice, he chose not to mention anything later on.

There were a few butterflies floating around alongside the excitement, Eddie very much aware that this was the first time since their ill-fated evening at his place after the Pier that they were hanging out alone.

“Get it together, Diaz,” he chastised himself as he checked out his reflection in the mirror. After trying on most of his closet, he had settled on black jeans, dress shoes and a fitted white t-shirt. He ran his hands through his hair and contemplated whether or not he should shave, but eventually decided against it.

If he was being honest, he thought he looked pretty good.

If he was being _super_ honest, he thought that Buck would think he looked pretty good, too.

But, being _super_ honest was dangerous, so he shook that thought away and went to get his wallet and phone. As he organised his Uber, a message from Buck came through and his stomach twisted briefly at the image that came up when he opened the text log. It was a selfie of Buck at their soundcheck, guitar raised in the air and his tongue sticking out between his teeth as his mouth split into a wide grin. He looked ridiculous, and absolutely adorable, and Eddie felt the familiar pull in his gut that stopped him in his tracks. Eddie knew that they had already crossed the line that kept their friendship platonic, but a part of him still partially downplayed the severity of _that_ particular incident because technically he hadn’t _physically_ done anything. He couldn’t lie to himself and say he hadn’t cheated on Shannon, because he considered what he did to definitely fall into the ‘unacceptable behaviour when you are married’ category, but he still gripped onto the reminder that he hadn’t put his hands or his mouth on another person. It was a pathetic excuse, but he clung to it like it was a life raft; the only thing that had stopped the guilt from completely consuming him. Now though, a part of Eddie knew that tonight the line that they had crossed was going to go from partially obscured to completely eradicated. It was a strange mix of emotions in his head – the shame of crossing boundaries he always assumed he wouldn’t even contemplate fighting with the absolute _want_ he felt towards Buck – but he knew, he _knew_ , that tonight his wants were going to overpower his conscience. Technically he had two choices: turn around now, cancel his Uber, tell Buck he wasn’t feeling well and spend the night at home by himself, trying to figure out how he can fix his marriage. Or, he could walk out the door, meet up with the man he hadn’t stopped thinking about for months, surrender to every urge he felt towards him, and completely blow-up his marriage.

Eddie glanced back towards the living room, his eye catching his and Shannon’s wedding photo. He bit his lip, glanced back down to the photo of Buck still on his phone screen, and strolled out the front door.


	10. Chapter X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we finally have an end point for this tale! I still have about 2 chapters left to write, but I've had a few moments of peace lately so I've been able to bang out quite a bit. Life in lockdown (I think we are in week 8 now?) with a 3 year old and a 6 month old hasn't exactly been relaxing, but I've been able to steal time here and there between naps and ipad time to sit down and get some of my ideas out.   
> Thank you again to everyone reading, commenting and leaving kudos - it really makes my day! :)
> 
> This chapter is a loooong one (just over 5,000 words) so I hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think at the end!

The venue was absolutely packed when Eddie arrived, so much so that he could feel trickles of sweat dripping down the back of his neck by the time he had fought his way through the crowd and reached the bar. He had messaged Buck when he arrived, and Buck replied instantly, telling him he was backstage organising some last minute things but that he would be out soon. He drummed his fingers on the bar top as he waited to be served, his eyes taking in the scene around him. It was obviously a college bar judging by the cheap décor and the fact that 80% of the crowd was definitely under 25, and Eddie tried not to look as out of place as he felt. He by no means had the appearance of an old man, but he was still 32 and feeling every one of his years tonight. A gaggle of shrill giggles caught his attention and he flicked his gaze to the end of the bar, where a group of girls were standing. 5 pairs of eyes were trained on him, and Eddie immediately flushed red. He had been so consumed with thoughts of Buck for the past two months that he hadn’t even noticed if people were flirting with him at work (although according to Hen, they definitely still were), but he knew those looks. One of the girls – tall, with long dark hair and striking red lips – was raking her gaze up and down him slowly, only stopping to smirk when she caught his eye. Eddie could appreciate the fact that she was gorgeous, but aside from that telling observation, he felt nothing else. He watched with growing panic when the girl turned to her friends and said something before slipping away, her eyes still locked on him as she snaked through the crowd. Absently he played with his wedding ring, rehearsing the ‘sorry, I’m married’ speech in his head when he felt someone’s hand on his lower back. Spinning slightly, his anxious frown transformed into a grateful smile when Buck squished his huge frame into the tight space beside him.

“Hey! Sorry I couldn’t meet you right away. I had to restring my guitar and ugh, what a fuckin nightmare,” Buck shook his head dramatically, raking his hands over his face, but glanced back at Eddie with a grin. Eddie dug his nails into his palms, using up all his energy in resisting the urge to lurch forward and attack the other mans lips with his own. There was something about Buck’s smile that transformed Eddie; if there was a word to describe it, it would be ‘sunshine’. He had no idea how Buck did it, but his grin could travel through the air and seep into Eddie’s skin, spreading warmth throughout his entire body in a way that he had never encountered before. This was one of those times, and he had completely forgot about the girl from the other end of the bar until he felt a cool hand grip onto his elbow gently. He glanced back over his shoulder and the warmth from Buck’s smile slowly started to dissipate as she grinned at him wickedly.

“Hey there. My friends and I are having a bet and I was wondering if you could help us settle it?” The girl cocked her head to the side slightly, biting her lip in a way that Eddie immediately knew was meant to be seductive, but was definitely being wasted on him. He glanced back at Buck, who was staring at the girl as well with an amused look on his face.

“Ah yeah, sure. What is it?” he asked, hoping the bored tone in his voice was apparent enough for her to get the hint. It wasn’t, apparently, judging by the way the girl leaned forward, her shoulders hunching slightly in an effort to enhance her cleavage.

“Well, Ginny thinks you are a doctor, but _I_ think with those muscles you _have_ to be some kind of athlete,” she emphasised her point by reaching up and squeezing his bicep briefly, and Eddie had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself laughing in her face. He glanced back at Buck again, who had put one elbow on the bar top, resting his cheek on his palm to cover up the laugh he was trying to hold in. He glanced at Eddie and winked, and Eddie grinned back, turning back to the girl and shaking his head.

“Ah, neither. I’m a firefighter, actually,” he replied, and the girl’s eyes widened immediately. She raked her eyes up and down his body again quickly, before letting out a breathy laugh and bringing her mouth to his ear.

“Well then, Mr Firefighter, how do you feel about coming back to my place and showing me how to use your hose?” She was obviously going for sexy, but Eddie couldn’t help himself and burst out laughing in response. The girl reeled back quickly like she’d been slapped, her mouth forming a little ‘o’ shape as Eddie struggled to keep his composure. He tried stopping, feeling a little bit mean for straight up laughing in her face, but the corny pickup line was _terrible_ , and he every time he tried to stop giggling and start talking, he would just break out into laughter again. The girl’s face went from confused to bewildered to downright angry, and she rolled her eyes when Eddie tried to apologise for the third time, making it 2 words in before laughter broke out again. She pushed back off the bar and disappeared into the crowd, and from his peripheral vision he could make out her appearing back with her friends, talking animatedly as all 5 girls turned to glare at him in disgust before spinning on their heels and being swallowed by the throng of people.

Eventually Eddie regained his composure and spun back to face Buck, who raised his eyebrows in question. Eddie just shook his head, flicking his fingers up to get the bartenders attention and ordering two beers before fishing out his card to pay.

“She asked if I could come back to her place and show her how to use my hose,” he eventually explained, and Buck’s eyes widened as his corners of his mouth twitched upwards.

“Oh wow. Girls are so much more forward than I remember,” he chuckled, and Eddie grinned.

“You’re telling me. I don’t think she’ll be pulling out the corny pickup puns again anytime soon though.”

“Yeah you really shot her confidence down with your reaction, I think. Poor girl is probably in the bathroom now, flicking through Tinder for ego matches,” Buck reached forward and took the beers that had been placed in front of them, clinking it with Eddie’s before taking a sip. Eddie followed suit, a twinge of regret at his behaviour before disappearing when he remembered that it really was a tacky line to use on a stranger.

“Oh well. She was pretty enough, I’m sure she’ll find someone else’s hose to play with by the end of the night,” he said casually, causing Buck to laugh loudly. Again the warmth spread throughout Eddie’s body, loosening his limbs and creating a light buzz underneath his skin.

“Well, I better get going, we are on in 20 minutes so I have to go get ready. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay by yourself? It’s only a short set and we are only playing 5 songs, but I feel kind of bad making you come all the way here to stand here alone,” Buck nibbled on his lip in a way that Eddie found adorable, and he couldn’t help but smile at the worrying tone in Buck’s voice. Without thinking, Eddie reached up and placed his hand on Buck’s shoulder, his thumb rubbing against his collarbone gently.

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m looking forward to watching you play. Go get ready and I’ll meet you afterwards.” He paused, glancing around briefly. “Assuming I haven’t been kidnapped and murdered by a gaggle of angry young women, hellbent on revenge for humiliating one of their own.”

Buck’s eyes widened and he glanced around as well, his brow furrowed in apprehension.

“You don’t think they’ll try anything as payback, do you?” he asked, voice low and serious. Eddie laughed loudly as he gripped Buck’s shoulder more tightly, shaking his head to shoo away the other mans fear.

“No. I was joking. I’ll be fine, go and play,” he reluctantly let go and gestured towards the stage, and Buck’s worried look was replaced with a happy one.

“Well, be careful. I’ll keep an eye on you from the stage, just in case,” Buck winked before turning and heading towards the stage area, leaving Eddie standing there dumbly, gripping his beer tightly and becoming increasingly aware of a red flush creeping up the back of his neck. After a few moments of his brain going offline, he shook himself out of his daydream and downed the rest of his drink before turning back towards the bar to top himself up.

\-------------------------------------------------

**_I’m bad luck, can’t fuck, got no reflection today,_ **

**_Maybe I’ll stay down next time I get hit by a train,_ **

**_By a train,_ **

**_I lied my face off when I said that I would be okay,_ **

**_It’s never fine when you go away_ **

Eddie stood in at the front left of the stage, an almost empty beer glass in hand, staring up as Buck’s band belted out the last chords of their final song. Their set had been a hit with the crowd, who were now cheering and clapping loudly, but Eddie’s focus was solely on Buck. He was standing to the right of the lead singer, his hair sweaty and sticking to his forehead with a wide grin on his face, and he looked absolutely ecstatic. Eddie couldn’t help but smile as well, his enthusiasm infectious, and his smile only widened when he caught Buck’s eye and the other man winked at him cheekily. He blushed a little and ducked his head, chucking back the lukewarm beer at the bottom of his glass as the band exited the back of the stage and the crowd started to spread back out throughout the venue. The air in the bar had taken on a more electric vibe in the past half an hour, and Eddie was buzzing. He made his way back to the bar for another drink, rolling on the balls of his feet as he waited for an opening to squeeze himself into. 2 women were waiting beside him, and Eddie couldn’t help but listen in to their conversation when he heard them mention Buck.

_“Wait, so the guitarist? The one with the dark hair?”_

_“Yeah, him. Like 6 months ago.”_

_“Wow, okay, he is hot. What was it like?”_

_“She said he was an amazing kisser but it didn’t go any further than that.”_

_“Oh my god, why not?! I would climb that man like a tree if I got the chance.”_

_“Right?! Apparently he doesn’t do one night stands. I dunno, maybe it was an excuse because look at him. You telling me that someone who looks like that and plays in a band every weekend doesn’t get laid at the drop of a hat? Please.”_

_“Maybe we can find out. One of us should try and hook up with him.”_

_“You think? I mean, we both look hot tonight, I’m sure we could try.”_

Eddie's hands had curled into fists while he was listening to them speak, and he could feel his nails digging moon shaped crescents into his palms. He wanted to say something, to turn to them and berate them for being so disrespectful towards Buck, acting as though he was just some object they could do whatever they wanted with. A small part of him was also stuck on what they said about him getting laid every weekend; he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy curl up in his chest, even though realistically he knew that even if it was true, he had no right to be envious. A gap opened up in front of him and he shoved his way into it, a small smile playing at his lips as he heard the 2 girls beside him huff in annoyance. A small, petty victory, but a victory none the less.

10 minutes later Eddie was sitting at a tall table, fresh beer and a whiskey sitting in front of him. He figured he might as well get 2 drinks instead of 1, not wanting to fight his way back though the crowd again. Plus, he was at that pleasant stage of tipsy and he wanted to retain his buzz for as long as he could. He sipped his beer as he flicked through his phone, opening Instagram and immediately clicking through to Buck’s account. He had spent so much time on his page lately that he almost had every picture and caption memorised, but that didn’t stop him from swiping through the photos again, heat pooling in his gut at the abundance of selfies at his disposal. His finger hovered as he came across his favourite photo of Buck, a polaroid of him in a plaid shirt and a hat, a soft smile on his face. Eddie wasn’t sure what it was about that photo in particular that he liked the most – especially considering Buck had many, _many_ shirtless photos on there – but he could easily zone out as he stared at it, and that is exactly what he did now. It wasn’t until he felt someone bump his shoulder that he was jostled back to reality, and his cheeks burned red when he saw Buck smirking at him as he sat down across from him.

“See something you like?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Eddie quickly closed the app and pocketed his phone, fumbling for an excuse as the red in his cheeks spread down his neck to his chest. He didn’t think he had ever been so embarrassed in his life; having Buck catch him drooling over one of his photos was the pinnacle of humiliation for him. Buck sensed his shame and laughed, stealing his beer and taking a sip whilst waving his hand casually.

“I’m kidding, Eds. Sorry I took so long getting back out there, I got caught up. You were bored and it’s easy to fall into the Instagram rabbit hole. I’ve been there,” he gave Eddie an out, which the other man appreciated immensely, before placing the drink back in front of him. Some of the redness eased, and Eddie shook his head and forced out a small laugh.

“Yeah, it definitely is,” is all he said in reply. Buck grinned at him, all teeth and crinkled eyes, and the tension in his shoulders seeped away.

“So! What did you think?” Buck asked, taking another sip of Eddie’s beer. Eddie waited until he placed the glass back down in front of him before he shook his head and pushed it gently towards him.

“You have that. I’ve got a whiskey,” he added as Buck started to protest. “And it was great. You guys really charged up the crowd.”

Buck beamed at the compliment, and the heat in Eddie’s cheeks returned, but for a different reason.

“Thanks! For the beer _and_ the compliment,” Buck replied, kicking his foot against Eddie’s under the table. Eddie smiled back at him, and they both sat in silence for a moment, grinning at each other. Eddie noticed Buck’s gaze flicker down to his lips briefly, and the butterflies in his stomach started to ramp up at the implication. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted when someone knocked into him and he felt a wetness seep down his neck and back.

“What the fuck?!” he cried out, leaping up impulsively and peeling the wet fabric away from his skin. He looked backwards and his eyes narrowed when he saw the 2 girls from the bar staring at him with fake remorse on their faces. One of them was holding a half empty glass, and the other had her hand over her mouth dramatically.

“Oh my _god_ , I am so sorry!” The redhead one, Taylor if Eddie’s brain remembered correctly, said, pouting at him. She glanced over to Buck, then back to Eddie, and immediately Eddie knew what her game was. He rolled his eyes, still holding the fabric away from his skin, and plastered on a fake smile.

“It’s fine. Accidents happen,” he replied tightly, and the other girl jumped in to execute what Eddie assumed was the rest of their little plan.

“Here, come with me. I’m sure the bartender could help with a towel or something,” she said, grabbing Eddie’s elbow without waiting for him to reply, and tried to drag him away. Eddie glanced up at Buck, who was shifting his gaze between Eddie and the girls, and tried to pull his arm out of her grip.

“It’s fine, really,” he protested, but the girl held firm.

“No, seriously, that was cider. It’s going to be sticky if you don’t get yourself cleaned up quickly,” she said, tugging him again. Taylor stepped in and gestured towards Buck, fake concern on her face.

“I’ll wait here and clean up the table so it’s dry when you get back,” she purred, a sickly sweet grin overtaking her features. Eddie looked up at Buck again, and it seemed the other man had cottoned on to what was happening as well, because he stood up and shook his head.

“It’s okay girls. I’ve got a spare shirt in my jeep that you can have,” he said to Eddie, reaching forward to pry the girls fingers off his elbow. The girls exchanged a panicked look between them, with Taylor taking a step closer to Buck to try and pry his attention back to her.

“Oh, surely that’s not necessary. I mean, it’s not that wet and I’m sure a quick wipe down would suffice,” she let out a breathy laugh, her friend nodding along furiously in agreement. But Buck didn’t back down, shaking his head briefly and taking Eddie’s hand in his own.

“Really. It’s okay. Have a good night,” he said through gritted teeth, tugging Eddie who just followed wordlessly behind him. Even if he wanted to say something, his entire being was focused on the warmth of Buck’s calloused hand in his own as they weaved through the crowd of people towards the exit. If he thought Buck gently touching his hand previously was enough to send tingles up his arm, the reality of him gripping it tightly now was enough to make him feel like he was on fire. In a good way, of course. They reached the exit and walked out into the cool air, not saying a word as Eddie let Buck lead him towards the side of the building to where his jeep was parked. Eddie noticed that despite the fact that they were no longer in a crowded space, Buck still hadn’t let go of his hand, and his heart started to race a bit faster at the realisation. When Buck finally stopped walking, he was standing beside a black jeep and dropped Eddie’s hand before unlocking the door and rummaging around the backseat. Eddie bit his lip as he allowed himself to shamelessly stare at Buck’s ass, confident no one was around to catch him ogling like a creep. After a moment, Buck leaned back, turning around with a dark blue Henley in his hands.

“The benefits of having a messy car. When I need something, I can usually find it in here,” he joked, and Eddie shook his head, chuckling. He paused for a moment, wondering if he should just strip his wet t-shirt off here or turn around or something, but then remembered that he had literally sent Buck a photo of his abs covered in cum. He blushed at the memory but took a deep breath and stripped his t-shirt off quickly, scrunching it into a ball and shuffling from foot to foot as he stood in front of Buck, shirtless. Buck, to his credit, tried to resist raking his eyes over Eddie’s body, only glancing down a couple of times as he stood frozen on the spot. Eddie felt his lips quirk up when he realised Buck was nervous, and this made his own nerves ease somewhat and his confidence grow. Taking a step closer to the other man, Eddie watched as the Adam’s apple in Buck’s throat bobbed slowly as he swallowed, then moved his gaze up to his face. Buck’s eyes were downcast, blatantly staring at Eddie’s exposed chest, and Eddie felt a spark of desire flare up his spine.

“Buck..,” he said softly, and Buck’s eyes jolted back up to his own, his iris’ blown wide. He swallowed again and licked his lips, the blue Henley gripped tightly between his hands.

“I, ah, I have, um,” Buck stumbled over his words, and Eddie cocked his head to one side in amusement. Eventually Buck stopped speaking, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, he shot Eddie a smile.

“Okay, what I’m _trying_ to say is that you should probably wipe down your back before you put the new shirt on. Those girls might have been weird, but they were right about cider becoming sticky,” he said, scrunching his nose up briefly. Eddie laughed as Buck handed him the top and turned back to his car, rummaging around a little before straightening back up with a white tea towel.

“Jesus, you weren’t joking then you said you had everything in there,” Eddie grinned as Buck shrugged, but a slight pink tinge was evident at the base of his neck.

“A boy scout always comes prepared,” he said, motioning for Eddie to turn around. Eddie did as he was told, and couldn’t help the shiver that took over him as he felt Buck gently run the dry towel over his semi-wet, starting to go tacky back. His head dipped forward as his eyes slipped closed, enjoying the feel of Buck’s hands on him, even if there was fabric separating them.

“What was the deal with those two, anyway?” Buck asked, and Eddie snorted but kept his eyes shut.

“They were trying to get me to fuck off so that redhead could try and pick you up,” he explained, and he felt Buck hesitate briefly before continuing to dry him off.

“How do you know that?”

“I overheard them at the bar earlier. Apparently you’d hooked up with someone they knew a while ago and they wanted to get in on the action. I’m pretty sure they would have agreed to a threesome if you were up to it,” Eddie said, laughing softly until he noticed Buck was no longer touching him. Twisting his head, he glanced back to where Buck was standing behind him, towel still raised in the air. He was staring at Eddie with an amused look on his face, and Eddie quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Oh really?” Was all Buck said in response, and for a moment Eddie had a panicked thought that perhaps he would have been up for it. He said as much, but Buck huffed out a laugh, glancing down and then back up at Eddie with a soft smile.

“No, definitely not. I’m, ah, kind of interested in someone else, ya know,” he admitted quietly, and Eddie suddenly felt very hot despite the fact that he was still shirtless. They stared at each other for a moment, the air reminiscent of the time on Eddie’s couch, but this time there were no interruptions. Eddie turned his body fully so that they were facing one another, his heart beating wildly, and slowly lifted a hand and placed it flat against Buck’s chest. He stared into Buck’s eyes, searching for a reason to stop what he was about to do, but found nothing. On some level he knew he should let go, put his shirt on and go home, but a bigger part of him knew he couldn’t. So instead he softly pushed Buck backwards until his back hit the jeep, and then he closed the gap between their lips.

The kiss was soft at first, more of a peck than anything else, until reality hit and both men seemed to realise what was happening. Then it quickly turned frantic, Eddie sliding his hand up Buck’s muscular chest to rest on the base of his neck, and gripping his hip with the other, dropping the shirt onto the ground in the process. Buck wrapped his arms around Eddie’s midsection, one hand splayed flat above the other on his back, pulling him flush against him. Eddie felt drunk, his head fuzzy as their kiss turned into a desperate flurry of lips, tongue and teeth. All the sexual tension, the unspoken words, the lingering stares and aborted touches from the past few months flowed out between them, and Eddie was about ready to pass out from want. The soft sounds Buck made when he was kissing him, the way his fingers dug into his flesh and then flexed outwards, the hardening presence Eddie could feel pressing up against his thigh…he was so dizzy with desire that if Buck had have pulled him into the backseat of his jeep and asked to fuck him, he would have said yes.

After what seemed like an hour, but in reality was only a couple of minutes, Eddie broke away from the kiss, resting his forehead on Buck’s shoulder as he panted for air. He could hear Buck breathing heavily as well, but his hands never left Eddie’s back and they stood there like that for a moment, unmoving. Eventually Eddie remembered that he was still sans shirt, so he reluctantly pulled back and stared up at Buck with a shy smile on his face. Buck stared back down at him, his head resting against the top of the door, and Eddie could see a red flush spreading up his neck. He moved backwards, causing Buck to drop his hands, and he heard Buck suck in a sharp breath when he knelt down on the ground to pick up the discarded top. Straightening back up, he pulled the Henley over his head and ran his hands through his hair before placing them on Buck’s shoulders.

“That was, ah, that was…,” he was unsure how to finish the sentence, knowing if he used the word that had originally sprung to mind, it would freak Buck out. So instead, he moved his hands up to Buck’s cheeks, cupping his face softly as he rubbed his thumbs against the coarse skin. Buck just stared at him, his eyes bright and wide, until Eddie closed the gap once more and kissed him again. This time around it was more subdued, and Eddie’s brain was able to catalogue more of it; the way Buck’s lips were just as plump and soft as he had imagined, the way Buck traced his tongue along Eddie’s lips before licking his way into his mouth, the way Buck rested both hands on Eddie’s hips and squeezed gently. It was everything Eddie thought it would be and more, and he was becoming borderline emotional as the kiss went on. Kissing Buck made him feel safe and secure, and not just because the man was taller than Eddie, but because there was something else there – something deeper, that both excited and terrified him. He wanted this to last forever; to be able to kiss Buck whenever he wanted, to be able to touch him and hold him and wake up beside him. He wanted it all, in a way that he hadn’t wanted with Shannon for a long time.

_Shannon._

At the thought of his wife, Eddie snapped back so quickly that Buck almost faceplanted at the sudden loss of balance. His eyes sprung open and he stared at Eddie anxiously, his lips red and kiss-swollen.

“I have to go,” Eddie blurted out, and Buck’s eyes darted across his face rapidly. Eddie could see the confusion in his eyes, but he took another step back and glanced back towards the front of the carpark.

“I really have to get home,” he repeated, and Buck twisted his head slightly, blinking at him. Eddie knew he was dumbfounded by Eddie’s sudden backflip, but he needed to get out of there. The realisation that what he felt for Buck was much stronger than he originally thought, coupled with the reminder that he was still _married_ was enough to send him into a panic spiral. Buck lifted his hands and went to take a step towards him, however Eddie shook his head and Buck immediately stopped, dropping his arms to his sides and frowning.

“Eddie,” he started, but Eddie was already starting to walk backwards, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he went.

“I’m so sorry Buck. I really am. Please forgive me,” he begged before he turned around and started to run in the opposite direction. He didn’t stop running until he was 3 blocks away, stumbling into a shop alcove to catch his breath. A cold, aching feeling gripped his chest and he felt like he was going to vomit. He’d fucked it up. All of it. His marriage, his growing attraction to Buck; hell his _friendship_ with Buck was all but over now. Eddie slumped down to the ground, putting his head in his hands as tears prickled at the corners of his eyes. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there for, but by the time he raised his head and looked around, the street was dead and a cold chill had seeped into the air. Eddie stood up on achy legs and unlocked his phone, ignoring the missed calls and messages from Buck, and organised a ride home – alone.


	11. Chapter XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I apologise for the short chapter - I promise the next one is a monster though and I will be uploading it on Monday, so there won't be much of a wait.   
> Secondly, the Spanish in this chapter is derived entirely from google translate, so if it isn't entirely correct I'm sorry!  
> Thirdly, the comment about House Hunters International is based entirely on my own opinion - and I stand by it (sorry, American readers!)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

“Mum!” Christopher’s excited cry rang out when Eddie and Shannon walked into Abuela’s house, crayons spilling onto the floor as their son pulled himself up and made his way towards the door.

“Christopher! Oh my gosh I missed you so much!” Shannon dropped to her knees as she took Christopher in her arms, squeezing him tightly as Eddie walked over to where Abuela was standing, a small smile on her face.

“Hola nieto. Te ves cansado.” She kissed Eddie on the cheek, and Eddie chuckled as he shook his head. _[Hello grandson. You look tired.]_

“Hola. Estoy bien no te preocupes,” he assured her, but her raised eyebrows told him she didn’t believe him. _[Hi. I’m fine, don’t worry.]_

“Christopher was so excited to have his mother back,” Abuela said after a moment, changing the subject. She was staring at Eddie with a knowing look, and it made him uncomfortable. He loved his grandmother more than anything, but sometimes she was too perceptive for his liking.

“Yeah, he is,” Eddie settled on saying, sitting down on the stool next to the kitchen island and fiddling with his watch.

“And what about his father? Is he excited to have his wife back?” Abeula asked quietly, and Eddie stilled his movements. He could easily lie, god knows he’d spent enough time practising when it came to his marriage, but he knew he couldn’t fool his grandmother. She might be old, but she was still sharp as a tack. Eddie shrugged, glancing up to look at Shannon and Christopher, who were now sitting at the dining table while Christopher showed her all his drawings.

“I guess,” he said, and his gaze flickered back to Abuela when he heard her chuckle.

“You know, even up until he passed away, your Abuelo was still able to give me butterflies when I saw him for the first time after some time apart. He would walk in the door with a bouquet of flowers and a wide grin that reminded me of sunshine.”

Eddie froze as he took in her words, and his mind flickered back to Buck in the bar and the way that exact word had came to mind when he thought about Buck’s smile. He remembered the way he smiled at him by the car and the way that smile had felt against his own lips, and a wave of sadness washed over him. Abuela sensed the change in his demeanor and turned to face him, placing a delicate hand on his shoulder.

“El hecho de que inicialmente viéramos la felicidad en un viaje no significa que sea en el que estábamos destinados a estar para siempre,” she said softly, quiet enough so that Shannon would not hear, even though she wasn’t fluent enough in Spanish to understand anyway. _[Just because we initially saw happiness on one journey doesn’t mean it was the one we were meant to be on forever.]_

Eddie raised his eyebrows, firstly because it seemed like she had looked straight into his soul and pulled out his biggest fear, and secondly because was his very Catholic grandmother advocating for divorce?! Abuela shrugged, as if sensing his surprise.

“The world is a very different place these days, Edmundo. God wants you to be happy, and so do I,” she patted his shoulder and then his cheek before turning back to Christopher and Shannon and instructing Christopher to get his belongings from the bedroom. Eddie sat, frozen in place, letting her words mull over in his head until he felt Shannon tug at his arm to indicate they were ready to leave. He put on a fake smile and kissed Abeula goodbye, her raised eyebrow not going unnoticed as she watched the three of them walk out to Eddie’s truck. She was still standing on the porch, arms crossed loosely, when Eddie pulled out into the traffic and sped off down the road.

\---------------------------------------

Having Shannon back was not as bad as Eddie anticipated, but things were still frosty between them. He’d spent the better part of the last week avoiding being alone with her, which wasn’t too hard between her work, his shifts and Christopher being home. He had a feeling she sensed something wasn’t right with him, and to be honest she wouldn’t be far off the mark. He hadn’t spoken to Buck since the night at the bar, and had avoided the texts and phonecalls that the other man had sent through in the immediate aftermath of Eddie’s….cowardly retreat. Even though he had absolutely _zero_ right to feel disappointed, that was exactly how he had felt the day Shannon had arrived home and Buck had stopped trying to get in contact with him. Eddie’s sour mood had not gone unnoticed at the firehouse, either, with both Hen and Chim checking in on him a couple of times before backing off after the third time he snapped at them that he was fine.

So that was why Eddie found himself at home on a Wednesday evening, 10 days after Shannon got back, having declined an invitation from Hen to go and have a few drinks after their shift. He was sitting on the couch, flicking through his phone mindlessly as the TV played House Hunters International in the background. So engrossed in his aimless browsing he was that he didn’t even notice Shannon enter the room until he felt the couch dip beside him and he looked up to see her sitting there, a tentative smile on her face.

“I think this is the first time we’ve been alone since I got back,” she said with a chuckle, and Eddie feigned surprise even though he had deliberately planned it that way. There was silence again until Shannon nodded towards the TV, an amused look on her face.

“You’re not yelling at the people on this show like you normally do, so what’s wrong?”

Eddie rolled his eyes at her dig, and placed his phone down to face her.

“I’m sorry, but the Americans on this show are ridiculous. They go to another country and be all ‘we want an authentic house that is a reflection of the new place we are moving to’, when what they _really_ mean is ‘we want our new house to be exactly the same as our house back in the US, but with an exotic tile backsplash or an oriental rug’. It’s infuriating,” Eddie’s voice went up on octave as his tirade went on, Shannon’s amused grin growing wider until she was giggling loudly.

“Okay, okay, you’re right. Us Americans are insufferable,” she conceded, holding her hands up in surrender. Eddie couldn’t help but smile slightly, the tension in the air breaking somewhat. Shannon sat in silence for a moment until it was obvious Eddie wasn’t going to take the lead on a conversation, before she leaned backwards and rested her head on the back of the couch.

“I know something isn’t right. What is it?” Her voice was soft but her tone dictated to Eddie that she expected an answer. Eddie had been practising the lie he was going to tell her when she inevitably was going to ask this question, but now that the moment was here he was drawing a blank. He technically _could_ tell her the truth; tell her that although he still cared about her, he was no longer in love with her and that he had met someone else. That that someone else made his heart ache in the best possible way, who had a smile that made him want to be a better person without any words needing to come out of those lips, who Eddie had kissed and pressed his body up against. The person who had made Eddie feel something so intense that he had wanted to cry from how overwhelming it all was. But then he remembered the crushed look on Buck’s face when he ran away, the desperate _‘please, just tell me what I did wrong’_ texts he had sent that Eddie left on read, and he decided against it. His chest already felt like a vice was slowly crushing it with every day that passed, he didn’t think he’d survive having the added weight of Shannon’s wrath on top of it.

“I’m just worried about money. Chris’s school fees are due soon, and those surfing lessons he has started taking aren’t cheap. Add to that the fact that we definitely need to upgrade your car and make adjustments to the bathroom now that Chris is getting bigger…it’s just all adding up.” The lies slid easily out of his mouth, but he knew that it was a sure fire topic to make Shannon take him for his word. She was always banging on about money, so he knew it wouldn’t be so far fetched if he started to worry, too. Sure enough, he saw Shannon’s face soften and she nodded in sympathy.

“Look, I know it’s a lot but it will be fine. If you work a few more overtime shifts and cut back on unnecessary items then it will all work out,” she patted his knee reassuringly, and even though Eddie was totally lying about the money anxiety, he couldn’t help but lean back and stare at her quizzically.

“What kind of unnecessary items are we talking about here,” he asked, eyeing off the new blouse she was wearing. Shannon frowned, shifting awkwardly before gesturing her hand out casually.

“Oh, you know. That gym equipment you bought while I was away. The nights out you have with Hen and Chim…stuff like that.”

“Okay firstly, you bugged me about cancelling my gym membership so I did, but I still need to work out in order to keep fit for work. The gym equipment was second hand and I paid a fraction of the cost of what it is actually worth. Secondly, the nights out are 1 or 2 drinks after work every couple of weeks. I drive. All up I would normally spend less than $10. If we want to talk about unnecessary items, how about the revolving door of clothes you have? Honestly Shannon, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear the same thing twice,” Eddie knew he was projecting here a bit, the guilt over cheating causing him to lash out, but he was still annoyed that somehow it was only _him_ that needed to make an effort to save more money.

“Excuse me?! Eddie, I have a corporate job. I am _required_ to dress professionally every day. I know you don’t understand that, but that’s the way it is,” Shannon spat back, her eyes flashing with anger. Eddie narrowed his eyes at her dig at his job, confirming his suspicions that she had always disapproved of his career progression into firefighting.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that professional attire meant a new fucking outfit every day. I know I’m just a _lowly_ fireman, but I’m pretty sure you won’t be fired if you wear the same skirt two days in a row,” he spat back, equally angry. The tension that had eased earlier had reappeared, thicker than ever, as husband and wife sat and glared at one another. Eventually Shannon rolled her eyes, throwing her hands up in defeat and standing up.

“This is ridiculous. We can’t even have a conversation without it evolving into a fight. I’m exhausted, Eddie, and I need a break,” she pressed her fingers into her temples and Eddie scoffed.

“You just _had_ a break. 5 weeks, in fact. If anyone deserves a holiday here, it’s me.”

Shannon stopped and stared at him, her mouth hanging slightly open. Eddie stared back at her, part of him wishing he could take back some of the things he had said, but a bigger part of him too stubborn to do so. So instead he sat silently and watched as Shannon shook her head, mumbling _‘you’re unbelievable’_ under her breath as she stormed out of the room. Eddie didn’t follow, but he winced when he heard the bedroom door slam behind her. Immediately he sagged down on the couch, running his hands over his face in frustration and resisting the urge to scream all his grievances out into the empty lounge room. What he really wanted right now, was Buck. He knew that just one minute in his presence would be enough to bleed his anxiety out and calm his mind, but that was off the table now. Sadness and anger pricked underneath his skin, and his knee bounced up and down with the excess energy flowing through his veins. Eventually he got up and grabbed the wrapping tape from the cupboard, wrapping it around his hands as he moved into the garage and made his way over to his boxing bag. Stretching his neck from side to side, he did a few warm up jumps before taking a stance and jabbing the bag forcefully. He continued to hit, alternating combos until it became second nature and all he was focused on was the _jab jab jab_ against the bag. By the time he finished, he was drenched with sweat and panting for air, but his mind was clear. He unwrapped his hands, stretched his fingers and went to take a shower, resigned to a night in the spare room and a grovelling apology to Shannon in the morning.


	12. Chapter XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a looooooong chapter (almost 6k words) but I honestly couldn't find a suitable space to break it up so I just left it.  
> I haven't read back over it, so I apologise if there are any errors - it has been a rough week and I'm too exhausted to edit. Also, I'm not sure if the days flow properly, so try not to notice if there are any inaccuracies in the timeframe haha.  
> Aside from those things, I hope you enjoy! :)

Eddie rocked up at work on Friday morning in a weird mood. He had slept in the spare room for the past 2 nights, and while Shannon had reluctantly accepted his apology the morning after their argument, she made it clear she wasn’t ready to resolve any of the topics that had been brought up just yet. He was buttoning up his work shirt in the locker room when he was cornered by Hen, who motioned for him to follow her out to the ambulance.

“I need you to help me restock supplies,” was all she said, walking away before he had a chance to protest. Eddie sighed, running his hands through his hair before shuffling out after her, knowing that resisting was futile. When Henrietta Wilson had a point to make, she was going to make it, come hell or high water. So Eddie quietly followed her into the back of the ambulance, a box of replacement supplies and a laminated checklist at his feet. At first they worked silently, the only words spoken when Hen read out an item from her list and Eddie fished it out of the box and gave it to her. He was beginning to wonder if maybe he had read the situation wrong, and Hen wasn’t actually interested in interrogating him, when she made her move.

“2 Endotracheal tubes, 2.5 uncuffed.”

“Check.”

“Meconium aspirator adapter.”

“Check.”

“10ml non-Luerlock syringes.”

  
“Check.”

“Okay so what has been going on with you lately?”

Eddie stopped with his hand midway into the box, glancing up to see her staring at him expectantly. His stomach sank and he cursed himself for letting her trick him into complacency, because now he was caught off guard and couldn’t think of a passable lie fast enough.

“I’m fine,” he started to say, but Hen cut him off with a scoff and a wave of her hand.

“Bullshit, Eddie. Look, I’m not saying you have to share your utmost darkest secrets with me, but you’ve been a miserable sack of shit ever since Shannon got back, and while I find it extremely annoying, I am also your friend and I’m worried about you,” she said, starting off her tirade in an irritated voice but ending it on a soft note. Eddie stared at the spot above her shoulder, the wheels turning in his head. Hen was right; she and Eddie were pretty close, not just at work but outside of work as well. Her son Denny and Christopher had many playdates together and it wasn’t unusual for Eddie to stick around with Hen and Karen while they played, sitting at the dining table drinking coffee and chatting about life. She had never passed judgement on anything Eddie had said or done, simply offering support or advice or just listening when he needed to vent. Which, admittedly, wasn’t very often. Eddie was a closed book most of the time, a side-effect of growing up with a father whose mantra was ‘suck it up and move on’. He knew that even if he divulged everything to her, she wouldn’t chastise him or make him feel guilty, but he was still hesitant to open up. Eventually he settled on half-truths – he wasn’t ready to admit that he had cheated on Shannon, but he figured sharing the fact that he wasn’t in love with her anymore and that he had started feeling something towards Buck was enough to satisfy her curiosity. So he explained the parts he was happy to share – the growing attraction to Buck, how he was pretty sure Buck felt the same way, the expanding distance between himself and Shannon, the fights and arguments and the tension in the air whenever they were in the same room…

“And then Buck and I had an….argument a few days before Shannon got back and we haven’t spoken since,” he finished, wringing his hands together and staring at his feet. He didn’t mention that it was less of an argument and more like Eddie kissing him and then running away like a coward, but Hen nodded anyway, a sympathetic frown on her face.

“It sounds like it’s been a heavy couple of months for you,” she said quietly, and Eddie snorted at the understatement. That caused Hen to chuckle softly, before she leaned back a little and fixed him with a knowing look.

“You know,” she started, “I had a feeling this had something to do with Buck.”

“What? Why?” Eddie startled, looking up at her in confusion. Hen just shrugged, a smile playing at her lips.

“The moment he and Maddie came and joined us in the bar that day, it was obvious there was a connection between you two. Even Maddie mentioned it.”

“Two people can be friends without it leading to anything more,” Eddie mumbled, even though he knew she was right.

“Yes, of course they can. But you two were different. There was just…. _something_ between the two of you that suggested more than just bros. I don’t know how to explain it, but I have a feeling you understand exactly what I’m talking about.”

Eddie just stared at her, unsure of how to respond. He definitely knew what she was talking about without her having to elaborate, but somehow he found it reassuring to hear that someone else had picked up on the vibe between himself and Buck. It made him feel less shitty that he had developed feelings for someone other than his wife, with someone else acknowledging that he didn’t seem to have a choice in the matter.

“Have you spoken to Shannon about any of this?” Hen asked after a moment, and Eddie’s stricken face had her holding up her hands in front of her. “Relax, I would never say anything to her about what you’ve told me. You know that. I’m just wondering if perhaps keeping all these complicated emotions inside is going to become too much for you soon. The last thing you want is for it to get to a boiling point where you can’t cope anymore.”

 _Yeah, the last thing you want is to become so overwhelmed that you kiss Buck and then freak out so much that you run away and ghost him and ruin everything,_ Eddie thought bitterly. Instead he just shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. Buck doesn’t want to speak to me anymore, so I should just forget about him,” he reached down to pick up the box of supplies again, indicating to Hen that the conversation was over. She stared at him for a moment before sighing and picking up her marker, pointing it at him briefly.

“I wouldn’t write him off so quickly, Eddie Diaz,” was all she said in response before she started rattling off equipment, and Eddie handed them over quietly while he mulled over her words. Perhaps she was right, but he had seen the hurt look on Buck’s face when he ran off. If he was Buck, he wouldn’t want anything to do with Eddie ever again, and Eddie would just have to live with that.

\--------------------------------

2 weeks later, Chim clapped Eddie on the shoulder and informed him that he was having a little party at his place, and demanded that he attend. Eddie was reluctant, knowing that if it was at Chim’s place, then Maddie was going to be there, and she probably hated his guts by now. That is, assuming Buck had mentioned anything to her. But even if he hadn’t, chances are she knew _something_ was up, and Eddie didn’t really want to be interrogated when he was supposed to be enjoying himself. He tried to make excuses as to why he couldn’t make it, but Chim was adamant, counter-protesting every reason Eddie put forward until he caved and agreed to drop by. And that was how he found himself outside Chim’s house on a warm Saturday evening, telling himself he would stay for an hour before pretending that Shannon demanded him home. He knocked on the door, gripping onto the bottle of whiskey he had brought along, and faked a big smile when Chim opened the door, his arms spread wide.

“Diaz! You made it! And you brought me a present,” he grinned as Eddie rolled his eyes and followed him into the house, his senses greeted by the buzz of music and people laughing and chatting, and the waft of pizza filling his nostrils.

“You can have one glass,” he shot back, and Chim laughed as he rounded the bench in the kitchen to get him a glass and some ice.

“Edmundo, you wound me with your stinginess.”

Eddie was about to shoot back a witty remark when he glanced out the patio doors to the backyard and caught sight of a familiar crop of short, curly dark hair. He sucked in a sharp intake of breath, and it was only by sheer luck that he didn’t drop the whiskey bottle onto the floor. He stared as Buck talked animatedly to Karen and Hen, his hands flying everywhere as the two women doubled over in laughter at whatever he was relaying to them.

“Yo, Eddie! Earth to Eddie!” Chim’s raised voice brought him back to reality, and he swivelled his head around to see the smaller man waving the glass of ice in his face. He blinked a couple of times before looking down at his whiskey and finally connecting the dots.

“Oh yeah, sorry Chim. Thanks,” he took the glass and placed it on the bench, opening the bottle and pouring a generous amount in. Chim raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, just took the bottle from him afterwards and placed it next to the rest of the liquor bottles. Eddie took a large sip of his drink, wincing slightly as the liquid burned down his throat.

“Ohhhhhhkay,” Chim said slowly, still confused as to what was going on, before a familiar voice cut through the air.

“Chim! Where is the vodka? Alice needs a ref- oh, hi Eddie,” Maddie waltzed into the kitchen before stopping suddenly, a tight smile on her face. Eddie grimaced, any question over whether or not she knew he and Buck were no longer speaking answered by the way she stood stiffly beside Chim, her shoulders tense. Chim glanced between her and Eddie, confusion written on his face, until he broke the silence by clearing his throat.

“Ah, the vodka is here, and you might as well take it outside with you because Alice is downing it like a fish,” he said, and Maddie turned her attention away from Eddie and smiled, kissing him on the cheek as she took the bottle from him with a giggle.

“Thanks. I’ll see you out there,” she glanced back at Eddie, nodding once before disappearing outside. Chim raised his eyebrows, opening his mouth to speak, but Eddie just shook his head, taking another large gulp and walking out to the yard. He made a point of avoiding where Buck was, instead making his way to the opposite side of the garden to where Bobby and Athena were seated, chatting to a couple that Eddie didn’t recognise. They greeted him warmly when he sat down, facing the direction of Buck but obstructed enough that he didn’t think the other man would be able to see him. He half-heartedly listened to the conversation happening around him, nodding and laughing at random intervals, but his attention was focused entirely on Buck. He looked gorgeous tonight, dressed in a pair of dark jeans and an olive green t-shirt, his dark hair curling wildly on his head. Eddie felt a pang of longing in his chest when Buck grinned widely, remembering how it felt to have that smile directed at him. He was busy cataloguing how Buck’s biceps flexed as he launched into another animated conversation when his attention caught onto a pair of arms slipping around Buck’s waist. Eddie sat up straighter, an uneasy feeling spreading in his gut, as he watched Buck curl his arm around a woman’s shoulder. She was average height, slim, with long blonde hair and was wearing a tight red dress and black heels. Eddie could objectively note that she was very attractive, but her presence beside Buck was enough for him to loathe her on sight. He couldn’t tear his eyes off them, the sick feeling in his stomach growing stronger as he watched the woman speak to Hen and Karen, who were smiling politely at her. He continued to watch until he saw Hen excuse herself and walk inside, mumbling an excuse about using the bathroom as he jumped up and sprinted into the house. He caught Hen just as she was walking into the bathroom, grabbing her arm with a wild look in his eyes. She turned around angrily before she realised who it was, her expression softening and a small smile appearing on her face.

“Eddie. I didn’t realise you were here,” she said as Eddie dropped her arm and stuffed his hands into his jean pockets.

“Yeah, I’ve been here a while,” he admitted, and a knowing look came across her face.

“Ah. And I suppose you’ve been lurking in the shadows, then?” She raised her eyebrow as Eddie blushed and looked away, before glancing back at her with a sad look on his face. Hen took pity on him, looking around before stepping closer and lowering her voice.

“Her name is Louise. She’s a pharmacy assistant and she and Buck met at one of his shows. They’ve only been on a couple of dates, but she seems pretty smitten.”

“And what about him?” Eddie asked in a small voice, bracing himself for a further blow. Hen just shrugged, a tiny smile tugging at her lips.

“I don’t think he’s as into it as she is,” she assured him, and it was only a sliver of hope, but it was hope none the less. Eddie nodded, giving her a brief smile before she patted his arm and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Eddie standing alone in the hallway. He stood there for a moment, taking in the information she had given him, until someone cleared their throat from behind him. Spinning around, his pulse kicked up a notch when he saw Buck standing there, a stoic expression on his face.

“Buck,” he breathed, his mouth suddenly very dry and his hands feeling clammy in his pockets. Buck’s expression didn’t change, but Eddie noticed his shoulders relaxed slightly as his eyes darted over Eddie’s face. They stood in silence, Buck continuing to stare at Eddie without saying anything long enough that Eddie started feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. He fidgeted and brought his hands out of his pockets, rubbing them over his jeans and crossing them in front of his chest, tightly gripping his elbows. Eventually Buck broke his gaze, turning on his heel and making the move to walk away. Eddie instinctively stepped forward, reaching a hand out but avoided touching the other man. He was pretty sure Buck wouldn’t appreciate the physical touch, and Eddie didn’t want to piss him off any more than he already had.

“Buck! Wait,” he called out, and Buck stopped but didn’t turn around.

“Buck, I…look, I’m sorry. I..-“ he stopped as Buck’s date – _Louise_ , he thought bitterly – appeared in the hallway, stepping close to Buck and putting her arms up around his neck.

“Hey! I wondered where you’d gone!” she giggled, but stopped when she noted his tense stance, staring over his shoulder and noticing Eddie for the first time. She slowly let her arms drop back to her side, smiling nervously in Eddie’s direction as she took a step back.

“Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting something?” she asked, glancing between the two. It was this moment that the bathroom door opened and Hen stepped out, whistling a tune quietly. She froze when she took in the scene in front of her, before a loud cackle pierced through the air. It was so loud that Louise jumped in surprise, and Hen doubled over and slapped her knee while Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Oh my god, this is perfection. I gotta tell Karen,” she gasped between laughs, slapping Eddie on the shoulder as she made her way out to her wife, her laughter lingering long after she left the hallway. Eddie looked up at Buck and Louise again, noting that Buck still had his back to him, but Louise was standing next to him like a deer in headlights. She glanced back at Buck again, opening her mouth to speak, but he just grabbed her hand and started to drag her away.

“Come on, let’s get another drink,” he said, not turning around. Louise stumbled after him, her gaze flicking back to Eddie in confusion for a moment before she fell in step with him, Buck’s arm firmly around her shoulders. Eddie sighed, leaning backwards and letting his head thud against the wall. He supposed he deserved it, but it still stung to have Buck flat out reject him like that. He stayed in the hallway, staring at the ceiling until someone else came in to use the bathroom and gave him an odd look. He faked a smile and pushed himself off the wall, making his way to the kitchen where Chim was grabbing some beers out of the fridge.

“Eddie, hey. Having a good time?” he asked when he noticed him, placing the beers on the bench and twisting the caps off them. Eddie shrugged, not verbalising an answer as he went over to his whiskey bottle and unscrewed the lid, bringing it to his lips and taking two big gulps. He ignored the sting as it went down his throat, holding the bottle in front of his chest while he caught his breath, before bringing it back up to his mouth again and taking another long sip.

“Okay, enough of that. I don’t want to be pumping your stomach in an hour,” Chim intervened, grabbing the bottle and placing it on the bench away from Eddie’s grasp. Eddie grumbled in response and grabbed one of the beers, sidestepping out of Chim’s reach as he danced his way out of the kitchen. Moving out into the backyard, he surveyed the scene and decided to go and sit with Hen and Karen now that Buck and Louise had moved on to another group of people. As he approached, both women gave him a sympathetic look, Karen reaching out for a side hug as he flopped down beside her.

“Hen told me about the hallway. What happened?” she asked, and Eddie cocked his head to one side, eying her suspiciously.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said slowly, his focus turning over to Hen, who at least had the decency to turn a shade of red when she realised she’d been caught out.

“Sorry, Eddie. I didn’t say anything, I swear! She guessed on her own,” she protested, and Karen nodded.

“It’s true. I could tell there was something going on between you guys when we were at the bar,” she gave him a kind smile and Eddie groaned, covering his eyes with one arm.

“I’m married. Nothing is going on,” he lied, but even he knew he didn’t sound convincing. Karen just shrugged, taking a sip of her wine and crossing her legs.

“Sometimes marriages don’t work out.”

It was a brutal assessment of the state of his relationship, but he was beginning to think there was merit to it. First Abuela, now Hen and Karen. Maybe he was the only person deluding himself that everything was going to be alright. He shrugged again, chugging his beer like a man dying of thirst. Hen and Karen exchanged a look, but didn’t say anything.

“Nothing happened in the hallway, anyway. He left as soon as you did,” he replied, his eyes drifting over to where Buck was sitting, his arm casually draped over Louise’s shoulder and her hand resting on his thigh. Hen clicked her tongue in disapproval, looking over to Buck as well before she patted Eddie’s knee reassuringly.

“It will be okay, Eddie. Trust me, this girl isn’t going to last. I suspect she’s just a rebound fling,” she said, and Karen nodded furiously in agreement.

“Yes, definitely a rebound fling. There’s no spark there,” she agreed, but Eddie just rolled his eyes as he took another drink.

“It doesn’t matter if she’s a fling or the woman he marries. I don’t care anymore,” he declared, straightening up his shoulders and glancing around at the congregation of people. “I don’t need him.”

“Eddie, I don’t know -“ Hen started, but Eddie stood up and pointed to a group of 3 people – two women and a man – standing over on the patio.

“That woman was checking me out when I got here. Maybe _she’ll_ talk to me,” he decided, tossing back the last of his beer and placing the empty bottle on the table before he wandered on over to the group. He smiled as he caught the woman’s eye, and she smiled back shyly before moving so that he could join into their conversation. He learned that her name was Ana and she was a teacher, she liked hiking on weekends and she had a cat named Gus. Eddie turned on the charm with her, and soon she was laughing at all his jokes and absently twisting her finger in her hair whenever he was talking. A few times he looked up and found Buck watching him, but he would always look away immediately, tightening his grip on Louise and taking a big drink from his cup. Eddie couldn’t help but feel a bit smug at that, knowing that he was getting to him a little. Eventually all his drinks caught up with him, and he excused himself to go to the bathroom, promising Ana a refill of her wine when he got back. He was stumbling a little as he made his way inside, his head pleasantly fuzzy and his limbs feeling a little looser. Closing the bathroom door behind him, he used the toilet before washing his hands in the sink, taking a moment to stare at his reflection. His hair was looking a little more dishevelled than it was when he arrived, but it didn’t look terrible. If anything, combined with the stubble growing on his cheeks and jaw, it made him look more rugged than usual. He took a deep breath and straightened up, turning around to open the bathroom door, but stopped abruptly when someone blocked his exit. He looked up and found himself staring into Buck’s eyes, but this time they weren’t a bright, sparkling blue, they were dark and stormy and shining with anger.

“Ah,” he started, but Buck cut him off by grabbing his wrist, dragging him down the hall and pushing him through a door. Eddie stumbled into the darkened room, wincing in pain when his shin bumped into something pointy before the lights came on and he realised he was in Chim’s spare room. He bent down and rubbed his leg, glaring at the side of the tallboy that was the source of his pain. When he straightened back up, he noted that Buck had shut the door behind him and was pacing back and forth in front of it, his hands running through his hair and occasionally tugging at the curls.

“Um,” he started again, but Buck stopped pacing and shot him a look so severe that Eddie clamped his mouth shut.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing?” he demanded, his voice laced with anger. Eddie just stared at him, unsure of what he meant, and Buck took this as his cue to continue.

“You kissed me. _You_ kissed _me_ , and then you fucking ran off without so much as a backwards glance, and ignored every one of my calls and texts. And then you show up here a month later, _flirting_ with somebody else right in front of me, like a right asshole. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Little bits of spit were coming out of Buck’s mouth as he started pacing again, and Eddie felt like he had sobered right up during his little tirade. His mouth went dry and he opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Buck stopped pacing and stared at him, and Eddie realised he was expecting an answer. He knew he should take this time to apologise for his behaviour, but then his mind drifted to images of Buck with Louise, his arm draped around her, and he felt a surge of rage flow through him.

“I’m sorry, but you’re one to talk. You show up here with a _date_ , acting as though you guys are some kind of newlyweds, and you’re pissed off at me for _talking_ to someone else? Hen told me you guys have been dating for a little while now, so you can’t have been too upset with me if you were right back out there straight away,” he spat, and Buck cocked his head to one side and narrowed his eyes.

“Louise and I met a week and a half ago. She’s new to LA and this is literally our third date. I brought her because she doesn’t know anyone and I figured this might be a chance for her to make new friends,” he said calmly. Eddie scoffed, throwing his hands in the air.

“Right-“

“Yeah, _right,_ ” Buck interrupted, shaking his head. “You don’t get to be the angry one here, Eddie. You knew how I felt about you. You _knew_ I liked you, and you strung me along like some kind of fucking lost puppy. You sent me that picture of you, told me you were thinking about me while you were fucking yourself, and then you _kissed_ me. I thought you were special. Do you honestly think I’m the kind of guy who goes around screwing with married men? Because I’m not. There was something about you that pulled me in and made me feel like there was something there. Like, this vibe or this energy that I have never felt with anyone else. And I was dumb enough to convince myself to cross that boundary and fall for you, even though you were married. And wow, what a fucking terrible decision that turned out to be.”

Buck shook his head as he walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, dropping his head into his hands. Eddie was frozen in place, Buck’s words piercing his skin as he tried to take everything in. He was right, Eddie knew. Everything he said had merit, including the fact that he had no right to be angry. He was the one who had essentially pushed Buck aside, and so it was perfectly acceptable for him to move on and date someone else. Turning slowly, he took in Buck sitting on the bed, his body slumped in defeat and his hands tugging at his curls gently. After a moment he walked over and joined him, grimacing when he noticed Buck tense up as he felt the bed dip beside him. They sat in silence until Buck let out a shaky breath and lifted his head, twisting until he was facing Eddie. His eyes were red rimmed, and everything in Eddie screamed to reach out and hold him. Instead he clenched his fists to his sides, racking his brain for something to say that wouldn’t fuck things up more they already were. Buck must have been giving Eddie a chance to speak his side, because after a minute of neither of them talking, he sighed and made a move to stand up. Instinctively Eddie reached out and latched onto his wrist, stilling his movements, and Buck froze for a moment before settling back onto the bed.

“Eddie, you can’t keep doing this to me,” he said quietly, but he made no attempt to disentangle himself from Eddie’s hold.

“I know,” Eddie whispered back, squeezing his eyes shut and loosening his grip slightly. He felt Buck twist his wrist around so that his fingers could reach Eddie’s hand, and he curled them so the pads of his fingertips grazed over Eddie’s wrist.

“Did you even feel anything for me at all? Or was this just some kind of ego boost for you?” Buck asked, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. Eddie hated how small and vulnerable he sounded, especially because it was _his_ actions that were making him sound this way. He shook his head furiously, turning his body and reaching over to take Buck’s other hand in his.

“No! God Buck, no, not at all. This was,” he paused, closing his eyes and deciding that it was time for him to take the leap. He opened them again and tugged Buck’s hands gently until he looked up and into Eddie’s eyes.

“Shannon and I married when we were young. We were in love and had these idealistic views on what marriage and parenthood would be like. When Christopher was born, and we discovered he had CP, it broke us. Not because he was anything less than perfect in both our eyes, but because we realised how _different_ we were. Beforehand we could coast through life, zero responsibilities on our shoulders, and it was easy. We were married, but we mostly existed side by side. Then we became parents and suddenly we had to exist _together._ And it became very apparent that that wasn’t going to be easy for us. And I think it became obvious to everybody that we weren’t right for each other anymore, but I guess we both have our stubborn reasons for continuing to plow through life pretending everything was fine. I guess because I didn’t consider myself to be actively unhappy, I didn’t feel like anything needed to change. I had a job that I loved, the worlds most amazing kid, and some really good friends who had my back. Maybe my marriage was a sham but you can’t have everything, right? And then you came along,” Eddie paused, wondering if what he was saying was going to be too heavy for Buck. Hell, he was ready to jump up and run away after all that, and _he_ was the one talking. But Buck was just staring back at him, his blue eyes wide and one of his thumbs stroking against Eddie’s palm in a soothing gesture. So Eddie took a deep breath and continued.

“You came along and you threw me for six. Suddenly I felt alive again, which was odd because honestly I didn’t even realise I had _stopped_ feeling like that. I saw you up on that stage, setting up your equipment, and I couldn’t take my eyes off you. And then I got to know you, and you went from being a guy who was visually appealing to me, to a guy who had carved out a place in my heart. I ran away from you that night because kissing you made me realise how much I had fallen for you, and it terrified me. Shannon and I might not be in love anymore, but we are still married. And the realisation that I had strong feelings for you, coupled with the reminder that I was still married to somebody else,” he shrugged helplessly, “it was just too much. And I know it was shitty and unfair and I am so sorry that I made you feel like you didn’t mean anything to me, but I just….panicked.”

Eddie closed his mouth and looked down at their joined hands, his heart beating heavy and fast in his chest. It was the most he thought he had ever spoken in one go, and combined with the intimate nature of the subject, it had left him feeling exhausted. Buck didn’t speak at first, but he was still tracing patterns onto Eddie’s palm, so Eddie took that as a good sign that he wasn’t ready to bolt away at the first opportunity. Eventually the prolonged silence was starting to make him uncomfortable, so he looked up again and met Buck’s gaze. The other man was smiling softly at him, the blues of his eyes standing out even more now that they were glossy with tears. Without thinking, Eddie pulled his hands out of Buck’s and moved them to his face, resting them on his cheeks and using the pads of his thumbs to gently wipe away the tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. They continued to stare at each other, and Eddie felt himself leaning forward until their lips connected, soft and sweet and without any rush. They stayed like that for a moment, exchanging small, chaste kisses, until Buck reached up to grasp onto Eddie’s biceps. He squeezed them softly before he ran his hands down his arms, along his forearms until he reached his wrists, where he wrapped his long fingers around them and gently pulled Eddie’s hands away from his face. He pulled back slowly, exhaling a shaky breath, and Eddie opened his eyes and stared at him worriedly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his throat feeling tight in anticipation. He might have shared his utmost secrets to Buck, but that didn’t mean Buck was simply willing to forgive and forget. Buck entwined their fingers together and placed them in his lap, staring at them for a moment before raising his head.

“Eddie, look. You know how I feel about you. And now I know how you feel about me,” he gave a brief smile before continuing, “but I don’t want to be someone you keep a secret. I don’t want to be the _other_ person that you sneak around to see before you go home and climb into bed with your wife. And I understand that you have Christopher to consider, so leaving your marriage isn’t so cut and dry, but I think you need to make a decision about what you want. For all our sakes.”

He brought their hands up to his face and kissed Eddie’s knuckles several times before letting go and running his hands through his hair.

“I think I’m going to get going, I’ve got band practise tomorrow morning. Get in touch when you know where I stand.”

Eddie watched as he stood up, wiping his hands on his pants and shooting him one last smile before he opened the door and disappeared back into the hallway. Eddie sighed, flopping back onto the bed and bringing his hands to his face. He could still feel the ghost of Buck’s lips on his knuckles; the skin tingling and warm against his cheeks. And he knew that Buck was right. Again. Deep down he also knew what he wanted to do, but the question was, was he brave enough to act on it? Eddie still wasn’t sure.


	13. Chapter XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Eddie and Shannon are finallllllllllly having "the talk" and it gets a bit agnsty.
> 
> (honestly when I started writing this I did not plan on having it so heavy on the agnst, it just kind of happened haha)
> 
> I hope you enjoy anyway :)

Eddie winced as he registered the sunlight streaming through the window straight onto his face, and lifted his arm to block the rays from piercing his eyelids. He rolled over in the bed and groaned, the simple movement causing the dull ache in his head to expand into a sharp, stabbing pain. The first thing he thought of was how stiff and sore his limbs were; he noted that he was still fully dressed, shoes and all, so he put the aching in his muscles down to the fact that he must have stumbled home, face planted onto the bed and not moved until morning. The second thing he thought of was the conversation he had had with Buck the night before. The sadness in Buck’s eyes when he told Eddie he couldn’t handle being yanked around anymore by Eddie’s indecisiveness. The way he had held his face in his hands and kissed his knuckles before he left. The absolute conviction in Eddie’s thoughts when he realised what he knew he needed to do, but the worry about what that decision could lead to. He laid there for a long time, his brain running a mile a minute, until he could hear the sound of Christopher laughing and pots and pans clanking in the kitchen. He groaned as he sat up, a momentary feeling of nausea washing over him before vanishing just as quickly, and he rubbed his temples to try and relieve some of the throbbing in his head. When he was satisfied that he wasn’t about to throw up or faint, he stood up on shaky legs and made his way to the bathroom. A very quick shower and a brush of his teeth had him feeling somewhat alive again, and he pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before making his way out to the kitchen.

Christopher was sitting at the island bench, paper and crayons spread in front of him. Shannon was at the stovetop, cooking what Eddie suspected was French toast, and she looked up when he entered the room.

“Morning,” she said with a tight smile. They always made a point of acting ‘normal’ whenever Christopher was around, so Eddie walked over and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek before making his way to his son and ruffling his hair.

“What are you drawing, buddy?” he asked, leaning down on his elbows to survey the abundance of papers in front of him. Christopher looked up at him and beamed, waving around his latest creation.

“This is a stegosaurus! We learned about dinosaurs at school last week, and I’m going to draw all of them. Mum said we can hang them on the fridge when I’m done,” he announced proudly, and Eddie couldn’t help but grin widely at the excitement in his voice.

“Well, that is the most realistic stegosaurus I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to see the rest of them!” he replied, and Christopher nodded before turning his attention back to his paper. Eddie ruffled his hair once more before he walked over to where Shannon was, standing nearby and leaning against the counter. He stared at the bread sizzling in the pan for a moment before he worked up the courage to open his mouth.

“I was thinking we could drop Christopher at Abeula’s this afternoon,” he started, not tearing his gaze away from the stovetop, “and maybe we can sit down and have a talk? I feel like maybe it’s long overdue.” He could feel Shannon’s eyes on him, and when he eventually glanced up to meet her look, she was staring at him suspiciously.

“A talk,” she repeated slowly, and Eddie nodded. His heart was in his throat, but as much as he was dreading it, he knew it was time. Not just because Buck had given him an ultimatum, but also because laying out everything to him the night before had made him realise how stupid he was being. He had spent so long feeling guilty about leaving Shannon and Christopher in those early years, and that guilt had manifested into the idea that he didn’t deserve to be happy because of it. Instead, he was supposed to stick around and make it up to them; his own desires and hopes and dreams be damned. But Buck had made a good point that as admirable as his intentions might be, all it lead to was both himself and Shannon being miserable. They had been amazing together when they had existed side by side, and perhaps they could go back to that if they stopped trying to force themselves to exist _together._ He straightened up, confidence spreading through his body, and nodded again.

“Yes. I think it’s important,” he clarified, and Shannon continued to stare at him apprehensively before shrugging and turning her attention back to the stovetop.

“Okay.” Was all she said, and while it wasn’t the enthusiastic response he had hoped for, it was pretty much the response he had expected. So he took it as a win and pushed himself off the counter, tapping the top twice before he wandered back to his room to call his grandmother.

\-----------------------------

Abuela had insisted that Christopher sleep over that night, once she found out that Eddie was planning on talking to Shannon about the state of their marriage.

_“Just in case you need some extra time, Eddito.”_

She hadn’t come out and said it, but the implication was there.

 _In case shit goes crazy_.

He appreciated her thoughtfulness, even if the idea of things going pear shaped made his insides spasm. But he had committed to the discussion, so even if there was a chance Shannon would fly off the handle, he had to go through with it. A couple of times over the course of the afternoon he contemplated texting Buck, to let him know that he was serious about what he had said the night before, and that he was in the process of trying to make things better. But every time he paused before he could write anything out, bargaining with himself that he could text him _after_ their talk.

By the time he got back from dropping Christopher at Abuela’s, the reality of what he was about to do was starting to sink in. He still wasn’t sure if he should mention that he had kissed Buck, or if he should just admit to _feeling_ something for him, but either way he knew it wasn’t going to end with Shannon feeling thrilled. He took a deep breath before he let himself back into the house, walking into the kitchen and dropping his keys on the counter. The house was quiet, and he glanced around nervously as he tried to locate where his wife was.

“Shannon?” he called out, moving towards the bedrooms.

“Out here!” Came her reply, and Eddie stopped and turned around, making his way outside to the back patio where he found her sitting on one of the deck chairs, a coffee in one hand. She motioned to the table in front of her, where another cup was sitting, the steam billowing up into the air.

“I made you a coffee,” she said quietly, and Eddie smiled at her as he sat down and grabbed it. Briefly he wondered if having hot liquid was a good idea given the conversation they were about to have – he wasn’t a vain man by any means, but he would prefer not to have his face marred by third degree coffee burns.

“Thanks,” he said eventually, taking a sip. He leaned back in the chair, feeling the warmth of the sun beaming onto his skin. It was peaceful in the backyard, just the sounds of birds and a lone lawnmower drifting through the air, and Eddie thought if it was any other time, it would be the perfect way to spend an afternoon. He was broken out of his thoughts, however, when Shannon cleared her throat and shot him a look that indicated that she was ready for him to start talking. He took another sip of his coffee, stalling briefly before taking a deep breath and opening his mouth.

“So I guess you’ve noticed that things have been a bit…..off with us for a while,” he started, glancing up at her briefly before returning his gaze to his coffee cup. “And I guess part of that is my fault, because I’ve had this stubborn idea that if I just pretend that things are fine, then somehow it will all be alright. And I suppose the last couple of months have shown me that pretending things are okay between us is doing neither of us any good. And that maybe we need to actually address the issue instead of ignoring it.”

There was a moment of silence before Shannon spoke, her voice eerily calm.

“And what issue might that be?”

“The fact that our marriage isn’t working, and hasn’t been working for a while, and that maybe it would be beneficial for both of us if we just separated.” Eddie wasn’t planning on throwing it all out there right away; he thought there would be more of a lead-up to the main event, but he supposed there wasn’t really any point beating around the bush. He suspected Shannon had known this was where the conversation was going as well, judging by her reaction. She looked upset, but not surprised, and she simply sipped her coffee slowly instead of speaking. Eddie watched her nervously, trying to watch for any tell-tale signs that signaled she was about to douse him in hot liquid, but there was nothing. Instead she put the cup down on the table and clasped her hands together in her lap.

“I expected you to bring up the fact that there are issues in our relationship, but I wasn’t expecting you to just want to throw it all away without working on them first,” she snipped, and Eddie winced at her tone.

“I honestly don’t think at this stage that there is any point,” he admitted slowly, “I mean, I feel like it has been a steady downward spiral since Christopher was born.”

Shannon snapped her head up at that, her eyes narrowed.

“What, so you’re blaming our _son_ for our marriage not being perfect?!” Her voice was shrill, and Eddie’s chest clenched at the accusation.

“What?! Of course I’m not blaming Christopher, Jesus Christ Shannon,” he ran his hand through his hair, shaking his head furiously. “Fuck, how could you even suggest that?! I just mean that I think having Christopher made us realise that perhaps we don’t work as well as a team as we thought we did.” Shannon didn’t say anything, but her face was set into a frown and Eddie felt himself growing uncomfortably warm under her gaze.

“Why now?” she said eventually, and Eddie stared at her in confusion.

“What?”

“I said, why now? If this has been a steady decline for 8 years, what has changed so much that you felt like you should bring it up _now?_ ”

Eddie felt the tips of his ears going red, and he reached forward to take another sip of his coffee.

“I guess it just got to the stage where I got sick of pretending everything was okay,” he shrugged, but Shannon was still staring at him suspiciously.

“You’ve met somebody else.”

Her accusation, whilst entirely accurate, caught Eddie by surprise and he almost dropped his cup.

“Huh? What?” he stammered, knowing full well his reaction was enough of a confirmation for her by the way she shook her head in disbelief.

“Oh my god. You fucking lying bastard,” she scoffed, and Eddie put his hands up in surrender.

“Shannon, it’s not like that,” he started, but she threw her head back and laughed, the sound bitter and cold as it infiltrated the quiet air.

“Bullshit. Tell me what it is _like_ then,” she spat. Eddie sighed and ran his hands over his face, wondering how much he should divulge about Buck and the last few months.

“Okay. Fine. I met someone else. It wasn’t planned, and it wasn’t something I was actively looking for. We just….met one night and started talking and it just….grew. The connection, I mean,” he clarified as she raised her eyebrow.

“Look, Shannon. I never set out to hurt you. Fuck, before I met him I just figured we were going to keep coasting along like this, unhappy together but neither of us willing to admit it. And I-,” Eddie stopped talking when he noticed Shannon’s face contort, her mouth forming a little ‘o’ shape. He cocked his head to one side and she shook her head in disbelief.

“Him?” she asked, and Eddie internally kicked himself. He figured she would have found out eventually, but he thought finding out her husband had fallen for someone else _and_ he was bisexual all on the same day might have been a bit much. Instead he just shrugged, and Shannon let out a puff of air.

“ _Him._ A guy. My husband has fallen for a _guy_ ,” she said, more to herself than to Eddie. Eddie wasn’t sure if that made things better or worse in her eyes, but he stayed quiet anyway. Eventually Shannon shook herself out of her reverie and stared at him again.

“Have you two had sex?” she asked, and Eddie almost choked on his own spit.

“What?! God, no Shannon. We’ve, just..no. We haven’t had sex,” he assured her.

“Have you kissed him?”

Eddie hesitated and that was enough of an answer for Shannon, who bit her lip and shook her head.

“Un-fucking-believable,” she pursed her lips into a thin line before running her hand over her head and fixing Eddie with a heavy glare. “Well Eddie, I hope he was worth losing your son over.”

She stood up abruptly, and Eddie’s eyes widened in shock as he stood up as well.

“Wait, _what_? What are you talking about?!” he felt a bolt of horror tear through him, but Shannon just put her hands on her hips and stared at him like he was an idiot.

“You think I’m going to stay with you after you cheated on me? Fuck no. I’m going to go and stay with my Aunt, and Christopher is coming with me. You can go and continue having this little, midlife crisis or whatever the fuck it is that is going on right now, but I don’t want Christopher to have anything to do with it. Expect to hear from my lawyer soon.” She shot him one last glare before turning on her heel and storming back into the house, and Eddie stood frozen in place before he processed her words and he bolted inside after her.

“Shannon! No, you can’t do this! Look, I know what I did was wrong, and I am _sorry_. But you know how much I love Christopher, you can’t just take him away from me!” he pleaded, but Shannon was frantically grabbing her phone and purse, shoving them into her handbag as she laughed bitterly.

“Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you _cheated on me_ , you fucking asshole.” She slung her handbag over her shoulder and started to walk towards the front door.

“Oh, and don’t even think about going to your Abuela and making her refuse to let me collect him. If you do, I’ll have you both arrested for kidnapping.” And with that she slammed the door behind her, leaving Eddie to stand in the silence of the house. He was positive that her threat of calling the police was an exaggeration - after all, Eddie was his _father -_ but it was unnerving all the same. Fear started to spread through his body, so strongly that he felt his hands starting to shake, and before it got to the point where he had a full blown panic attack, he quickly grabbed his phone and called the first person that came to mind. The phone rang three times before it was answered, and by this point the tears were already sliding down Eddie’s cheeks.

“Buck?” he said in a small voice. “Can you come over? I think….I think I’ve just lost my son.”


	14. Chapter XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I added an extra 3 chapters to the story, as the last few chapters were far too long and needed to be split. 
> 
> As usual, a huge thank you to everyone leaving kudos and comments - I've had a bout of writers block lately but reading your comments has been a big motivator to get back into it, so I really appreciate it :)

“Eddie?”

Buck’s voice pierced through the silent house, and Eddie curled himself up tighter on the bed, a loud sob escaping his throat. He didn’t have the mental capacity to call out, but it was enough to alert Buck to where he was located. He heard heavy footsteps making their way down the hallway before they stopped, and he opened his eyes to see Buck hovering in the doorway, a horrified look on his face.

“Eddie! Oh my god, what happened? You said you lost Christopher?” he rushed over to where Eddie was laying and knelt down in front of him as he ran his hand gently through Eddie’s hair. His fingers were soothing and Eddie felt himself lean into the touch, closing his eyes again and taking a shaky breath.

“She…she… _took_ him,” he managed to get out, and Buck’s fingers stilled as he furrowed his brow in confusion.

“She? Who’s she?” he asked, and Eddie shook his head, ignoring his question.

“I can’t believe she would do this to me. She knows how much I love that kid,” he mumbled, and his rambling was enough for Buck to cotton on to what was happening.

“Shannon. Shannon took Christopher,” he said, leaning back on his heels. Eddie nodded, and Buck glanced around the room, confusion etching over his features once more.

“But why? Why would she take Christo-,” he stopped mid-sentence and fixed his gaze back on Eddie, realisation dawning on him. “You told her. You told Shannon about us and she took off with Christopher.”

Eddie simply nodded, fresh tears pooling in his eyes. Buck moved his hand down to Eddie’s face, thumbing away the tears in a manner reminiscent to the way Eddie had done to him the night before.

“Fuck. Eddie I am so sorry,” he said gently, leaning closer until their foreheads were resting together. They stayed like that for a moment, until Buck ghosted his lips over Eddie’s and pulled back.

“She can’t do this, Eds. Look, she’s probably just really pissed off and hurt and embarrassed and this is her way of dealing with that; to hurt you the way she is hurting. Maybe you just need to give her a day or so to calm down, and then you can try talking to her?” Buck tried to reassure him, but Eddie shook his head, pulling out of his grip and moving into a sitting position.

“You didn’t see her face, Buck. Yeah, she was angry and hurt, but when she found out I’d kissed another guy?” he shook his head, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand, “she looked disgusted. Said she didn’t want Christopher around whatever mid-life crisis I was having.”

Buck grimaced at the implication, running his hands up and down Eddie’s arms, trying to ease some of the tension in his muscles.

“Did you know she was homophobic?” he asked quietly, and Eddie scoffed loudly.

“No! She has never indicated anything like that, at all. She’s always been friendly enough around Hen and Karen, and I know one of her co-workers is gay. I’m shocked, to be honest.”

“Well, I mean sometimes people are okay with the gays until it affects them directly. Could be that, maybe,” Buck shrugged slightly before continuing. “Or it could just be the fact that she’s just found out her husband is into men, and she’s just shocked. I mean, you did admit to cheating on her with a dude, and I’m sure she was _never_ expecting that.”

Eddie mulled over Buck’s explanation for a while, before nodding a few times in agreement. He was certain that the fact that he was bisexual wasn’t as big of an issue to her as he thought it was, and it was far more likely that she was just caught off-guard and lashing out at him. He nodded again, giving Buck a small smile, and reached forward to push the little curl off Buck’s forehead.

“Thank you,” he whispered, the panic attack he was on the verge of suffering well and truly gone now. Buck just twisted his head slightly to leave a soft kiss on Eddie’s wrist, and it sent a surge of warmth up under his skin.

“Always,” Buck whispered back.

\-------------------------------

3 days later, Shannon messaged Eddie to say she was coming by the house after she picked up Christopher from school to collect some things, and requested that he not be there. Eddie was with Buck when he got the message, relaying the details to him as he rolled his eyes. Shannon had allowed Christopher to call him from her Aunt’s place the day after she had stormed out, but she was still pissed at him, so he didn’t want to push his luck by arguing. It didn’t really matter because he was working a 24 hour shift so wouldn’t be home anyway, but he wanted Shannon to believe that he was trying his best to grovel so he readily agreed to her terms. Buck, however, was not working, and had a secret plan that he hoped would make things right. 

“I’ll see you after my shift?” Eddie asked as he gathered up his things from Buck’s kitchen bench, throwing them into his work duffle bag. Buck nodded, smiling and giving him a quick peck on the lips before he walked out the door. He waited a few moments before he was sure Eddie’s truck was gone, then he grabbed his phone, keys and wallet and made his way down to the underground parking garage and jumped into his jeep. He wasn’t sure how long Shannon was going to take to collect her things, so he was on a timer. He sped his way over to Eddie’s house, a mixture of apprehension and relief flowing through him when he saw what he assumed was Shannon’s car parked in the driveway. He took a deep breath as he exited the car, making his way to the front door before knocking 3 times and stepping back to wait. Buck was sure he could help, but he just hoped that his plan worked. Otherwise…..

“Hello? Can I help you?” a woman – Shannon – answered the door, a tentative look on her face. He had seen photos of Shannon before, but he wasn’t expecting her to be so striking in person. Her brown hair was up in a ponytail, her blunt fringe and loose strands framing her face. Her pale blue eyes were wide but Buck could sense a sadness in them, and he shuffled in place, suddenly unsure as to whether or not he was doing the right thing.

“Uh, hi, I’m-“

“Buck!” Christopher’s voice carried through the entrance hall, and Buck glanced past Shannon to see Christopher shuffling over to the door, a wide grin on his face. He looked absolutely thrilled to see him, although when Buck glanced back at Shannon, her face displayed an entirely different emotion. Confusion was slowly replaced by rage when the realisation of who Buck was hit her, and it made Buck's palms sweaty. 

“Ah, hey buddy! How are you?” he greeted him, but made no attempt to move. Christopher had made it to the door and was about to continue outside when Shannon placed her hand on his shoulder, gentle but firm enough to stop Christopher in his tracks.

“Eddie isn’t here, so I think you should leave,” she said through gritted teeth, and Buck looked back at her and attempted a weak smile.

“Ah, actually, it was you I was hoping to catch,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. Shannon’s eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up, but her surprise was not enough to replace the anger on her face.

“I don’t think so. Christopher, go and finish packing your bag please,” she gently pushed Christopher back, and he looked up at Buck in confusion. Buck just grinned back at him, hoping it was coming across as more relaxed than he felt.

“Better do what your mum says, buddy. We can catch up another time,” he said, and Christopher furrowed his brows but nodded, turning around and making his way back towards his bedroom. Shannon made a move to shut the door, but Buck reached out and grabbed it before it could close, staring at her with pleading eyes.

“Look, I know you absolutely hate me, and rightly so. But please, I just want to explain some things. I know you have questions, and I want to be able to give you answers,” he begged, and Shannon’s eyes darted over his face, contemplating his offer. Eventually her shoulders sagged and she looked away, nodding curtly before turning and walking back into the house. Buck breathed out a sigh of relief as he followed her in, closing the door gently behind him. He made his way into the kitchen, but there was no sign of Shannon, so he stood awkwardly at the bench and waited. A few minutes later she walked out, motioning for him to follow her out to the backyard. He did so, following her lead and sitting down on one of the patio chairs, his hands folded in his lap.

“I gave Christopher the ipad and some headphones. His show goes for 15 minutes so you have that long to talk before I’m kicking you out,” she said in a clipped tone. Buck pursed his lips and nodded – it was probably more than he was expecting, to be honest.

“I want to start off by saying that Eddie didn’t send me here. In fact, he ah, he doesn’t actually know that I’m here. But he’s an absolute mess over this whole thing, and I wanted to assure you that he never meant to hurt you,” he began, holding his hands up with Shannon scoffed and made a move to stand up, “no, wait! Please. Just listen. _Please._ ”

Shannon rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, but she sat back down.

“Thank you. Like I said, Eddie never meant to hurt you. This thing between us, neither of us expected it to turn into what it has. And the fact that it has, well, it’s been killing him. He has always put you and Christopher first, even if it was at the detriment to his own happiness, and he really resisted anything happening between us for a long time. We both did.” Buck glanced down at his hands, wondering if the next part of his speech was going to be overstepping the mark, but figured he was here so he might as well keep going.

“Look, from everything that Eddie has said, you guys are fantastic parents. He has never once had anything but positive things to say about you as a mother, and I’ve met Christopher – he’s the happiest kid I know. So I mean, you guys are obviously doing a great job raising him -“ Shannon’s mouth twitched slightly at that compliment - “but I grew up with parents who weren’t in love with each other. And as much as they tried to shield me and my sister from that fact, we always knew. And it sucked. They weren’t awful parents, but they didn’t exactly instill us with a healthy representation of what a marriage should look like. And honestly, as much as I love them, I kind of resent them for staying together when they should have divorced a long time ago, because it really did affect me and my ability to form connections with other people.”

There was silence as Buck allowed Shannon to think about what he had said, but when he looked up, he immediately regretted sharing that little tidbit about his childhood because Shannon looked ropable.

“I’m sorry, are you trying to say that if I don’t happily let Eddie waltz off into the sunset with the man he _cheated_ on me with, that my _son_ is going to become some kind of fucked up adult with commitment issues?!” she snarled the words at him, and Buck widened his eyes in horror.

“No, no! That’s not what I meant at all,” he protested, but Shannon shook her head furiously.

“Well, you better clarify it then, because you’ve got 5 minutes left.”

Buck sighed and ran his hands through his hair before he started again.

“Okay, no. I didn’t mean that you have to do anything in order to prevent Christopher from having issues as an adult. I’m just sharing _my_ experience. I guess what I’m trying to say is that….Eddie is miserable. And I suspect that you are as well. I just see so many people trying to stick it out in a marriage that isn’t working because they feel like they _have_ to for their kids. And while it is a noble notion, the reality is that most of the time it’s doing more damage than good. Christopher loves both of you, but I am sure that if you sat down and spoke to him, he would admit that he knows neither of you are happy. Kids are perceptive, and Christopher is super smart. It would be an adjustment at first, but I’m pretty confident that if he was given the choice, he’d prefer two homes with two parents who were happy, than one home with two parents who were unhappy. And honestly…Eddie and I...there is some kind of connection there that I can’t describe, that was unexpected but not unwanted. But Shannon,” he leaned forward and stared right into her eyes as he continued, “if he had to choose between me and Christopher, it wouldn’t even be a choice. Not for him, and not for me, either. I love him, but I’m not about to be the reason he isn’t allowed to see his kid anymore. So I suppose the reason I came here today was just to tell you that Eddie isn’t this horrible monster that stepped out on his marriage for fun. But I think you already know that. And I just hope that eventually you can find it in your heart to forgive him, or even if you can’t do that, just…don’t take Christopher away from him. I’ll walk away, no questions asked, if that is what it takes. Just..please let him stay in his life.”

He knew he was essentially begging, but he meant every word. He had realised when he saw Eddie at Chim’s house that he was in love with him, but he knew that he could survive losing what they had. It would hurt like hell, but he could do it. But Eddie losing Christopher….Buck was certain that was a heartache he would never recover from. He continued staring at Shannon, who’s face had gone from infuriating anger to something more…subdued. She still looked angry, but Buck wasn’t fearing for his life anymore, so he took that as a win. She didn’t say anything though, and they sat quietly until Christopher’s voice broke the tension as he informed Shannon he had finished his show. That seemed to snap her out of the daydream she had been in, and she sat up straighter and cleared her throat.

“Okay baby, hold on!” she called out cheerfully, before looking back at Buck and standing up. “I think you need to leave. I trust you know how to let yourself out.”

And with that, she walked quickly back into the house, leaving Buck sitting alone. He let out a deep breath, running his hands over his face before he stood up and made his way through the house. He could hear Christopher’s excited voice drifting down the hallway, and prayed that Shannon would see sense when it came to Eddie’s role in his life. He glanced at the photo of them hanging by the door; saw the way neither of their smiles reached their eyes, before he opened the door and walked outside. Now all he had to do was wait, and hope that he hadn’t made things worse.


	15. Chapter XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I started writing this story, I didn't plan for it to be so....angsty. However, I wanted to make it as realistic as possible, and so as a result it has been HEAVY at times.   
> Thanks for sticking with me, though, because you are about to be rewarded. I've finished writing the fic now, and can assure you that this is the last angsty chapter. ;)

The moment Eddie finished work, he messaged Buck and asked him to come over. He needed the company after the grueling shift he had just endured; back-to-back calls, all progressively worse than the last, until eventually he was able to grab a fitful 3 hours of sleep. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and he just couldn’t stomach the idea of going home to an empty house. Not when he would usually go home and spend time with Christopher – his go-to whenever he had had an exceptionally taxing shift. Buck had readily agreed, and Eddie was only home for enough time to have a shower and get dressed before there was a knock on the door. Eddie opened it to find Buck’s smiling face, and his stomach did a little flipflop at the sight in front of him. Buck was clean shaven, his dark hair floofy and curling over his forehead, and he was wearing grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He looked like he was ready to curl up and cuddle, and Eddie wasn’t sure if it was a deliberate choice of clothing or he was just feeling very casual today, but either way he was grateful. Buck pecked him on the cheek as he walked in, making his way straight to the lounge room and flopping down on the couch. Eddie followed, flicking on the TV as he took a seat next to him, their shoulders pressed together. Neither one of them spoke, but it was a comfortable silence as Eddie scrolled through the choices on Netflix until Buck pointed his finger and said ‘that one’. He pressed play on the remote, before laying down and resting his head on the arm of the couch and lifting his legs so that they were draped over Buck’s lap. It had only been a few days since Shannon had left, but Eddie had found that he had become very clingy towards Buck, as though he was worried that if he let him go he would leave as well. Buck didn’t seem to mind, however, and simply began running his hands up and down Eddie’s thighs and calves, massaging any area he deemed to be too tight. It was a very domestic scene, one that made Eddie’s heart rate speed up not out of arousal but out of pure happiness. It only took a few minutes of Buck rubbing his legs before he fell asleep, only waking up when the smell of chicken infiltrated his nostrils. He jolted up, noting that he was alone on the couch now, and there was an entirely different movie playing. It was dark, the only light coming from the TV and the kitchen, and Eddie glanced around to see Buck at the island bench, chopping up something as the chicken sizzled in a pan behind him. He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes, and a glance at his watch told him that he had been asleep almost 4 hours.

“Oh hey, sleeping beauty. You’re awake!” Buck sang from the kitchen, and Eddie couldn’t help but snort as he stood up and stretched his arms above his head. He watched as Buck stopped chopping, the knife mid-air, as his eyes flicked to Eddie’s body. Eddie grinned and made a point of raising his arms a little bit higher, the patch of skin between the hem of his t-shirt and his sweatpants growing that little bit wider. Then he dropped them and cocked his head to one side, looking at Buck with an amused smirk. The other man glanced up at Eddie’s face and shook his head in denial, and Eddie barked out a laugh as he made his way into the kitchen.

“What are you making?” he asked, wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist and resting his head on his shoulder. Again, it was this kind of domestic intimacy that had been missing from Eddie’s life for years now, and now that he had had a taste of it, he was loathe to let it go.

“Teriyaki chicken stir fry. Figured you needed a good dose of veggies and protein after such a long shift,” Buck replied cheerfully, his hands expertly chopping the carrots into julienne style. Eddie murmured in response, squeezing tighter before planting a kiss on his neck and stepping back to retrieve some bowls and forks from the cupboards. They worked in tandem for a while, Eddie turning the chicken while Buck finished chopping the vegetables up, until Buck took over the wok and Eddie grabbed them some beers from the fridge and sat down at the bench.

“So, ah, has Shannon reached out to you at all?” Buck asked eventually, a nervous tinge to his voice. Eddie uncapped his beer and took a swig, shaking his head as he placed it back on the counter.

“Nope, why?” he asked, raising his eyebrow when Buck shrugged casually but didn’t turn to look at him as he mumbled _‘no reason’_ from his position at the stove. He was about to probe deeper when the timer went off and Buck switched off the gas, turning around with the wok in his hand and a big smile on his face.

“Dinner is ready!” he announced, placing the wok on the wooden chopping board and proceeding to divide the food into two bowls. Eddie closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the delicious aroma making his mouth start to water. He forgot all about Buck’s question at that point, instead focusing on the first proper meal he had had since he started his shift the day before.

\-------------------------------

The following morning, Eddie woke up alone with a note on the pillow next to him.

_Didn’t want to wake you._

_There’s coffee in the pot in the kitchen._

_Have a great day,_

_Buck x_

He smiled widely as he finished reading and flopped back down on his pillow, the phantom limbs of Buck still ghosting over his skin. Last night was the first time they had spent the night together, and even though there was nothing more than small kisses exchanged between the two, it was up there with one of the best nights of Eddie’s life. He hadn’t realised how much he missed that feeling of having someone wrap their arms around him, holding him close and feeling the tickle of breath on the back of his neck as he slept. He was suddenly jolted out of his daydream by the startling awareness that if Buck had already left for work, that meant he was going to be late getting Christopher to school. He bolted upright, halfway out of bed before the realisation that Christopher wasn’t here sucker punched him in the chest. Aborting his movements, he sank down onto the mattress and took some deep breaths to calm his racing heart. It had only been 4 days since he had seen his son, less since he spoke to him on the phone, but the gaping hole that his absence left was enough to knock the wind out of Eddie whenever he remembered. He sighed, resting his head in his hands and tried to come up with some ideas as to how he could convince Shannon to let him see Christopher when he was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He sighed again before reaching over to grab the phone off the nightstand, a shocked expression on his face when he saw Shannon’s name on the screen. He connected the call, bringing the phone to his ear nervously.

“Hello?”

“Hi. Are you free today?” Shannon got straight to the point, and although Eddie had planned on going out to do errands today, he was willing to scrap them all if it meant he could potentially see Christopher.

“Uh, yeah. Of course. What’s up?” he asked, trying to hide the hopefulness he felt from his voice. He heard Shannon sigh on the other end, and what sounded like her saying _‘I can’t believe I’m doing this’_ before she cleared her throat.

“I think we should talk. Properly,” she added, and Eddie felt himself sag with relief.

“Yes, of course. Yes that would be great. When? Where? Here?” he started to ramble and Shannon clicked her tongue in exasperation.

“No, not there. Come to my Aunt’s place. She’s out for the day. I’ll text you the address.”

“Okay, great. I can be ready in 10 minutes,” Eddie stood up and started to make his way to the bathroom, shedding his pants as he walked.

“Alright, there’s no rush. I took the day off so I have nowhere to be,” Shannon replied, and Eddie stopped walking when he noticed the sad tone of her voice.

“Shannon, look, I-“ he started, but was cut off by Shannon coughing briefly.

“Let’s just talk when you get here,” she said, before ending the call. A few seconds later an address popped up in his notifications and Eddie continued his way to the bathroom, and 15 minutes later was making his way through the LA streets.

\-------------------------------

When Eddie pulled up out the front of a cute little blue and white cottage style house 25 minutes later, the nerves he had successfully repressed up until now burst out of their cage and spread throughout his body. He was hopeful that Shannon wanting to talk was a positive thing, although it could just as easily end the same way their previous talk did – and Eddie really didn’t want to go through that kind of pain again. He sat in the car for a moment, working up the courage to get out, when the front door opened and Shannon stood in the doorway. The decision made for him, Eddie wiped his hands on his jeans and got out, walking up the path to the porch and smiling nervously at her when he reached the door.

“Hey,” he greeted her quietly. Shannon managed a small smile in return, nodding her head to gesture him to follow her into the house. He did so, feeling as though he was on a first date with a stranger instead of the person he had been with for a decade. Shannon’s Aunt lived in a small house, with exactly the kind of décor you would expect from a white, 60-something woman in California, except there were also traces of Christopher littered around; a homework book here, a stack of lego there. It made Eddie’s heart ache to be so close and yet so far away from him. Shannon lead him to the sunroom, where she took a seat on one of the couches and Eddie sat on the chair opposite her.

“Do you want something to drink?” she offered, but Eddie shook his head, worried his nerves wouldn’t allow him to hold a cup steady enough to mask how anxious he was. Shannon nodded, folding her hands in her lap and turning her head to look out the window into the backyard. Eddie sat silently, watching her, wondering if he should kick the conversation off or whether it was best to let her take the lead. In the end he decided to wait until she spoke – after all, she was the one who initiated the catch up, so she obviously had some things to get off her chest. Eddie just hoped they didn’t involve keeping Christopher away from him.

“Your boyfriend came and visited me yesterday,” Shannon said suddenly, not turning her head. Eddie froze, a million thoughts in his head, but none of them made sense. Boyfriend? Did she mean Buck? Why would Buck go and visit her? And how? Even Eddie didn’t know where Shannon’s Aunt’s place was, so there is no way Buck would. And Buck didn’t have Shannon’s number, so he couldn’t have teed anything up via phone. Shannon sensed his confusion and turned to face him, taking in the look of shock on his face and chuckling quietly. That just made Eddie even _more_ confused, because what could possibly be funny about this?!

“Well, at least I know he wasn’t lying when he said you didn’t know that he had come,” she shrugged, and Eddie wasn’t sure how he felt about this little revelation. He didn’t know if he should be annoyed at Buck for inserting himself into their family drama without his consent, or thankful because whatever he said obviously was enough to get Shannon to at least talk to him.

“No, I was not aware that he came and saw you,” Eddie said finally, “What, ah, what did he want to talk to you about?”

Shannon sighed, curling her feet up underneath her legs and turning her body so she was fully facing her husband.

“When he first rocked up at our house when I was collecting some things,” she started, and the puzzle finally clicked into place for Eddie as to how Buck had managed to get a hold of her, “I didn’t even know who he was at first, until Christopher called out to him like he was his best friend. And then it clicked. I was so angry. Like, ready to call the cops angry. I thought, how _dare_ this man come here, to _my_ house, after everything he had done. And then he told me he could answer some of the questions I had, and I didn’t want to make a scene in front of Christopher, so I gave him 15 minutes to say what he had to say. And I admit, I was fully expecting to kick him out well before that time was up, but then he told me how miserable you were.”

She looked at Eddie, who wanted to open his mouth and protest that he was fine, really, but ultimately decided against it. There were no more secrets now, and the truth was that he _was_ miserable, so there was no point denying it. So he stayed silent and let Shannon continue.

“And I should have been shocked, but the truth was I already knew. And then Buck said that he was pretty sure I was miserable as well, and I couldn’t deny it. It’s obvious when we look at our marriage that things fizzled out a long time ago. And I think we are both just too stubborn to admit it, and we had this notion in our heads that we were failing as parents if we split. And then Buck spoke about his own parents, and how they stayed together despite not being in love anymore, and how he always _knew_. And then he said that having such an unhealthy representation of a relationship growing up made him struggle to make connections with people, and at first I was pissed off that he was trying to suggest that we were screwing Christopher up by staying together, because it just seemed like he was trying to convince me that breaking up was a good thing, but then he…”

Shannon stopped talking, biting her lip as if she was wondering whether or not she should disclose the next piece of information. Eddie was leaning forward in his chair, his heart in his throat, as he listened to her speak. He didn’t know anything about Buck’s parents because he refused to talk about them, so it was weird to know that he had spilled something so personal with Shannon instead of him. When Shannon continued to pause, Eddie reached out his palms to encourage her to go on.

“I assumed he was telling me all this so that I would accept our breakup and be out of the way, so that you two could get together. But then he told me that if I wanted, he would walk away from you,” she stared at him directly in the eyes, and Eddie felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. Buck said _what_? He sat back in his chair, shock written all over his face.

“He said he’d leave?” he asked in a quiet voice, still not quite believing it. He thought back to the night before, when Buck had come over after his shift. It was obviously after he’d spoken to Shannon, but he didn’t give any indication that he was planning on going anywhere. If anything, they had gotten even closer. Eddie didn’t know what to think, and was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost missed when Shannon continued to speak.

“Yeah. He said that he would leave if it meant I would let you back into Christopher’s life. He practically begged me, actually,” she almost sounded amused, and Eddie screwed up his face. Okay, perhaps she should have added that little bit in at the start, instead of trying to make it out as though Buck was just willing to waltz out of Eddie’s life without a second glance. Eddie figured it was deliberate; a sly little jab to remind Eddie that she still felt he deserved to suffer a bit. And maybe he did, but it was still a low blow.

“What did you say?” he asked, ignoring the desire to accuse her of being cruel. Shannon shrugged, biting her lip and studying her fingernails.

“I told him his 15 minutes were up and he had to go,” she admitted, and Eddie raised an eyebrow. He could only imagine how vulnerable Buck would have felt, going in there and admitting those things about his parents, then offering to leave, no questions asked, if Shannon just let Eddie back into Christopher’s life - having her respond with ‘please leave’ would have devastated him. Shannon had the sense to look a bit guilty though, so he again didn’t feel the need to stoke the fire with a comment about how shitty a reaction that was.

“Look, I was still mad,” she said as way of explanation, “and to be honest that offer only made me madder.”

“What? Why?”

“Because it showed me how much he actually cared about you. He was willing to leave you, despite telling me he loved you, because he knew how important Christopher is to you. And it just reminded me of how unhappy and lonely I’ve been the last few years, because I knew that you would never make any kind of grand gesture like that for me. And it hurt, and I was jealous I suppose.” Shannon continued to pick at her nails, avoiding Eddie’s gaze, until Eddie cleared his throat and caused her to look up.

“I’m sorry, Shannon. Not just for the whole Buck thing, but for everything before that, too. I should have told you how unhappy I was, I guess I just figured if I pretended things were okay, eventually they would be. But I want you to know, I never wanted things to end up like this. I never expected to meet someone like Buck and have all this happen, I promise,” he pleaded with her, and Shannon just nodded and waved her hand dismissively.

“I know, Eddie. And I’m not going to pretend that everything is okay, or that I’ve forgiven you, because it’s not and I haven’t. And I’m still mad, and probably will be for a while. But we always said that Christopher comes first, and he misses you. So I’m not going to deny him his father, even if right now I still need space,” she informed him, and Eddie felt his heart soar. He couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face, and he was very close to leaping across and wrapping Shannon in a tight hug, before reminding himself that she would be very, _very_ against that.

“Thank you, Shannon. Really. This means the world to me,” he told her, and she sniffed as she shrugged again.

“Okay. At some point soon we need to start talking about what is going to happen moving forward, because we can’t stay here forever. But I’m not ready for that conversation yet, so how about we just organise Christopher for the next week,” she suggested, and Eddie nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes, that sounds great,” he said, and he meant it. Things were far from okay between the two of them, but she was willing to let him see his son, and that was all he cared about right now.


	16. Chapter XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around for all the angst - here is your reward :)

As soon as Eddie finished up with Shannon, he pulled his phone out and called Buck. It was midday now, and he assumed Buck would be on his lunchbreak and able to talk. His theory was proven right when the other man answered on the fourth ring, a murmur of voices in the background.

“Eddie, hi! What’s up?” Buck said cheerfully, and Eddie couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his voice.

“Hey. Am I catching you at an okay time?” he asked, pulling out into traffic. Buck made a sound in the affirmative, and he heard the sound of a chair scraping against the floor as he assumed Buck was getting up to move somewhere more quiet.

“Hold on, let me just step out of the kitchen – it’s pretty busy in here,” he said, and Eddie waited until the background noise died down and Buck spoke up again.

“Okay. Hey,” he said, and Eddie chuckled.

“Hey. How’s work going?”

“Ugh, the usual.”

“Mmm, doesn’t sound too promising.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just,” Buck sighed, and Eddie could almost visualise him running his hand through his curls, “this was meant to be a temporary thing, you know? Like, I needed a job when I got to LA and I had a bit of experience in this field, so I figured it would do for a bit until I decided what I want to actually do with my life. And at first it was great, I had a steady income and it left me with time to play gigs, but it’s been 2 years now and I guess I’m just…wondering what else is out there.”

“Mmmm, yeah.”

“Anyway! You called!” Buck changed the course of the conversation, and Eddie was kind of glad. He was more than happy to sit and listen to Buck if he needed him to, but right now he was walking on cloud 9 and selfishly wanted to stay there.

“Yes, I did. I was wondering if you were free tonight and wanted to come over?”

“Well, lucky for you Red had to cancel band practise tonight, so I am indeed free.”

“Excellent. Say about 6?” Eddie grinned, and Buck hummed.

“6 sounds great. I’ll see you then.”

“Great. Have a good rest of the day!” Eddie whistled after he hung up, taking a detour towards the supermarket on his way home. He picked up some ingredients for his Abuela’s famous chilli chicken and rice, as well as some red wine and a box of condoms. It had been a long time since Eddie had had sex, and he wasn’t confident the ones he had in his bathroom drawer were still even in date. Once he arrived home, he spent an hour tidying up, vacuuming the floors and changing the bedsheets. Then he began to prepare dinner, setting up his Spotify account to play via the bluetooth speaker on the bench. It was the first time in as long as he could remember where he was stress-free, and he was truly ecstatic. The guilt he felt over betraying Shannon still lingered underneath his skin, but instead of feeling like a blanket weighing him down like it normally did, today it was featherlight – the relief of being able to see Christopher again coupled with the knowledge that he was finally free to explore a more intimate relationship with Buck without the secrets and lies was palpable, and he intended to bask in it.

He hummed along to the songs as he moved around the kitchen, chopping and marinating and taking sips of wine. He had intended to wait for Buck before he opened the bottle, but he figured that sipping a glass of red went hand in hand with preparing a delicious dinner, so he relented on his original plan and happily poured the liquid into a crystal wine glass. When everything was prepared and ready to be placed in the oven, he glanced at the clock and noted that he had 30 minutes until Buck was due to arrive. He put the pan in the oven, set the timer and then went to have a shower. The nerves started to kick in whilst he was under the water spray, now that he had nothing to distract him, the reality of what was (hopefully) going to happen tonight hit him hard. While he had zero reservations about having sex with Buck, the fact that he had never been intimate like that with a man before was playing on his mind. Eddie knew that Buck wouldn’t judge, and if anything he would be sweet and kind and _slow_ with him, but it was still nerve-wracking. Aside from the anxious feelings the night was bringing, it also brought with it feelings of longing, and the more Eddie thought about it, the more blood rushed south between his legs.

He stood underneath the warm water, feeling the spray cascade down his back and over the curve of his ass as his cock steadily grew in size. Part of him didn’t want to indulge, wanted to wait until Buck was here and he could slowly take him apart, but the other part of him reminded him of how long it had been since he had had another persons hands on him. What if he left it, and then came as soon as Buck touched him? Eddie flushed red at the thought, deciding that a quickie now wasn’t going to harm anyone. If anything, he was just making sure the events of later on would not have an embarrassingly premature conclusion.

He reached down and gripped his now rock-hard cock, rubbing his thumb along the head gently and shivering as tingles of pleasure rushed down his legs. He tipped his head back slightly, the water adding a new layer of pleasure as it hit his scalp, and gripped his hand tighter. He moved up and down, twisting his wrist as he moved, acutely aware that he didn’t have a whole lot of time before Buck was due to arrive so he needed to be quick. Luckily for him, the past few months in particular had left him very familiar with the art of masturbation, so he knew exactly what he needed to do to achieve his goal within a limited timeframe. He continued to stroke, every now and again running his thumb across the slick cockhead, while he moved his other hand between his legs to tickle his ball sac and probe gently at his perineum. He imagined Buck underneath him, naked and sweating and looking completely fucked-out as Eddie pushed into him, watching as his eyes rolled back into his head and he arched his back in ecstasy. Eddie audibly moaned out loud at the thought, quickening his strokes as he moved his hand from between his legs to the shower wall, dropping his head forward as he braced some of his weight onto the tiles. Fantasy-Buck moaned too, moving his arm up behind him to grip the headboard, his biceps bulging and Eddie licked his lips at the image, the familiar tingle in his balls warning him that he was getting close.

“Fuck, Buck,” he whimpered, spreading his legs a little wider and gripping his cock in a way that teetered on the brink of painful. Eddie’s mouth hung open as he approached the edge, Buck’s name whispered over and over and over until the wave broke and intense pleasure washed over him, cum spurting out over the tiled wall and dribbling down his fingers. He moaned loudly, louder than he normally would, but the fantasy and the orgasm that came with it was enough to lower his inhibitions, and he rode the wave until it finally subsided and he slumped forward to rest his head on the shower wall. Eddie was panting heavily, his eyes still closed and his toes still clenching and unclenching, until he noticed the water had started to cool down. Springing back up straight away, he remembered that Buck would be here any minute, and swore under his breath as he rinsed his hand and turned the spray onto the wall, washing all the evidence of his solo activity down the drain. He gently cleaned his softening cock, wincing once at the oversensitivity, before turning the water off and hopping out. A quick glance at his phone told him it was 5:48pm, and he swore again before rapidly drying himself, running a comb through his hair and rushing into the bedroom to put on the clothes he had (thankfully) laid out earlier. He was pulling his t-shirt over his head when he heard a knock on the door, glancing at his watch and shaking his head in amusement when he saw the time read 6pm on the dot. He stopped in the hallway on the way to the door, giving himself a once over and feeling happy with the results – the olive green Henley sat nicely, showing off his physique in a way that was subtle enough to look effortless, and it accentuated his tanned skin and dark hair. Smiling at his reflection, he continued on to the door and opened it slowly, his breath hitching in his throat.

Eddie was used to looking at Buck and thinking he looked irresistibly hot; the man had a way of looking gorgeous in pretty much anything, but tonight Eddie was left speechless at the sight in front of him. Buck was standing there, tall and lean in a pair of navy blue suit pants, black dress shoes, a white shirt that was rolled up to his elbows and a skinny black tie, with a matching navy blue suit jacket draped over one arm. His hair was styled nicely, off his face but still showed off his curls, and he had a wide smile on his face.

“Hey! Sorry, I got held up at work and didn’t have time to get changed,” Buck said by way of explanation, seemingly oblivious to Eddie’s complete and utter mental breakdown. He leaned forward to peck Eddie on the mouth before he slipped in beside him, making his way to the kitchen, not noticing that Eddie continued to stand at the door and stare blankly into the space where he once stood. Eddie didn’t move until he heard Buck call out his name, an amused tone to his voice, and he closed the door and made his way to the kitchen, a red tinge to his ears.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, but Buck just smiled at him and nodded towards the oven as he pulled his tie over his head and placed it onto the bench.

“What are you cooking? It smells absolutely amazing,” he said, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply through his nose. Eddie chuckled and went to fill up his wine glass and pour one for Buck, checking the timer on the fridge.

“Chilli chicken and rice. Abuela’s recipe,” he added, winking at Buck as he handed him his glass. Buck’s grin got wider and he clinked his glass against Eddie’s before taking a sip.

“Is everything alright with you?” he asked, not unkindly. He sounded…confused, but in a good way. Eddie chuckled again, placing his wine glass on the bench and stepping close to Buck, his hands resting on his waist. Buck glanced down and then back up, his eyebrow quirking slightly.

“Do I not seem okay?” Eddie asked, and Buck shook his head immediately.

“No, it’s not that. The opposite, in fact. You seem,” he paused, scanning Eddie’s face, “you seem relaxed and happy. I like it.”

“Well,” Eddie smiled, leaning forward to peck his lips briefly, “that’s because I am. I spoke to Shannon today.” He didn’t miss the way Buck’s body tensed when he mentioned Shannon’s name, so he made a point of squeezing his hips.

“Eddie, I-“ Buck started.

“She’s letting me see Christopher. We’ll probably end up splitting custody 50-50. She’s still angry at me but she agreed that Christopher comes first so we have to put our personal shit aside. We’ll be getting a divorce after things settle down,” Eddie interrupted him, sprouting off all the new developments in quick succession. Buck stared at him, mouth slightly agape, and Eddie moved one hand up to cup his cheek.

“She told me you came and spoke to her. And that you offered to walk away if she let me see Christopher,” he said softly, his grip on Buck’s cheek tightening slightly when Buck went to turn away in embarrassment.

“No, don’t,” he pleaded, and Buck stopped his movements, staring back at him softly. “Were you serious?”

“Of course. I love you, Eddie. But Christopher comes first. Always,” Buck replied quietly. Eddie’s heart constricted a few times, almost painfully, and he stared at Buck quietly for a few moments, taking in the earnest expression in his eyes. He knew he was telling the truth, and it was almost more than Eddie could handle, so instead of replying he leaned forward and brushed their lips together. Buck responded immediately, his hands moving up to grip Eddie’s hip and face, deepening the kiss with a ferocity that surprised him. It was the first time they were free to kiss, to touch, to _feel_ freely, and it was liberating. Buck licked his tongue along Eddie’s lips, and Eddie accepted his advances by opening his mouth and allowing him in, Buck’s tongue dancing against his own. The kiss was much more aggressive than their last one, but it was also done without any urgency. This time they were free to explore and enjoy without time constraints or conflicting emotions, and Eddie practically melted into it. He allowed himself to run his hands down Buck’s sides, taking note of the hard planes of muscle underneath his shirt and the way his waist tapered in. He noticed the way Buck’s hands softly rubbed his cheek as he kissed him, his other hand flexing against his hip bone. It was soothing and mesmerising and Eddie felt like he could do this forever, until he was rudely interrupted by the _beep beep beep_ of the timer going off behind him. He broke away from the kiss with a groan, resting his forehead against Buck’s for a moment before he moved backwards to turn the timer off and get the food out of the oven.

“As much as I was enjoying that, I have to say that I am starving,” Buck admitted, his eyes taking in the dish greedily as Eddie placed it on a cooling rack on the bench. Eddie laughed as grabbed the salad from the fridge and placed it on the dining table, gesturing at Buck to sit down.

“Do you need help?” Buck asked, but sat down anyway when Eddie shook his head.

“No. Just sit and relax,” he instructed, grabbing the serving spoon and dishing up the food between two plates. Buck sipped his wine and watched, a fond expression on his face, and Eddie felt himself preening a little under his gaze. Once their food was ready, Eddie placed one of the plates in front of Buck, and then sat down behind the other one. He suppressed a laugh as Buck inhaled deeply before tucking into his food, a loud moan escaping his lips. Eddie paused, fork halfway to his mouth, his eyes widening slightly. The sound wasn’t meant to be erotic, but it shot straight to Eddie’s groin and he shifted discreetly in his seat. Buck didn’t seem to notice by the way he was shovelling food into his mouth, and so Eddie slowly continued to eat, trying his best to avoid focusing on the little noises coming from Buck and instead focusing on not spilling anything down the front of his shirt.

“Eddie, this is amazing,” Buck said during a break between mouthfuls, and Eddie blushed a little as he smiled at him in response. He was glad Buck was enjoying it, however his nerves and excitement about what was coming _after_ they ate prevented him from eating too much. By the time Buck was putting the last morsel of food in his mouth, Eddie was still only halfway through. He put his fork down when Buck leaned back in his chair, sighing contently as he closed his eyes.

“Okay, I didn’t realise I needed that, but I one hundred percent did,” he said, opening an eye to grin over at Eddie, who smiled back.

“Abuela will be so proud,” he teased. Buck’s grin widened as he sat up straighter, but it was replaced with a frown when he saw how little Eddie had eaten.

“Are you not hungry?” he asked, staring at the half-full plate. Eddie shrugged casually, reaching over to collect Buck’s plate, stacking it on top of his own before moving to take them into the kitchen.

“I nibbled as I was cooking,” he lied, placing the dishes in the sink. He walked back to the table where Buck was still sitting, stopping nervously beside him. Buck leaned back and twisted his body slightly so that he was facing him, the beginning of a smile forming on his face.

“Another drink?” Eddie asked, reaching to pick up the wine bottle. Buck just nodded, his smile growing as Eddie poured the liquid into his glass. He didn’t take his eyes off the other man as he lifted his glass to take a sip, and Eddie’s insides warmed as he watched Buck lick his lips afterwards.

“So, ah, what do you want to do now?” He asked, hoping his voice didn’t betray how nervous he was. Instead of responding, Buck sipped his drink again and stood up, so close that Eddie instinctively took a small step backwards. He smirked as he slid his arms up Eddie’s sides, his fingers dragging lightly as he manoeuvred them up and over his shoulders before resting them on the base of his neck. Eddie shuddered out a deep breath as his eyes fluttered closed, his skin feeling hot in Buck’s wake, and he moved his hands to grip onto Buck’s hips. Opening his eyes slowly, he found himself staring into a sea of bright blue, and he couldn’t suppress the grin that spread across his face. The other man mirrored his expression, his thumbs caressing the skin below his hairline gently as he moved his face forward until their lips connected. Eddie’s eyes fluttered shut again as he welcomed the intrusion, savouring the taste of red wine on Buck’s tongue when it slipped into his mouth to fight with his own. It was a raw and intimate moment, and Eddie felt both an urgency to get undressed and press their naked bodies together, along with a desire to stay where they were and continue to do exactly this forever. He settled for a compromise, pulling Buck’s hips forward to sit flush against his own whilst not breaking their kiss, and felt the vibrations as Buck moaned into his mouth. Eddie could feel Buck was half-hard already, his cock pressed firmly against his thigh, and he rolled his hips slightly, smiling when Buck muttered a _‘fuck’_ against his lips.

“Do you like that, _hermoso_?” Eddie whispered, nipping Buck’s lip as he pulled back to stare at him. Buck’s cheeks were flushed, and his pupils had blown wide, the bright blue hue much smaller than they were before. He simply nodded, gaze flicking back down to Eddie’s lips before he attached them again, this time with an earnestness that was absent before. Buck’s hands slid up into Eddie’s hair, tugging on the strands and sending shockwaves of pleasure across his scalp and down his spine, and Eddie responded by grinding his hips roughly. This time both men moaned, and then Eddie started pushing Buck towards the bedroom. Their lips stayed connected as they moved, only parting when Buck pulled Eddie’s top up over his head and threw down the hallway. They managed to make it into the bedroom, and when the back of his knees knocked into the mattress, Buck immediately had his hands on Eddie’s belt, tugging it loose and pulling it through the loops before tossing it to the side. His fingers skimmed along the skin above Eddie’s jeans, making goosebumps appear, and Eddie tipped his head forward to rest on Buck’s shoulder.

“Can I touch you?” Buck whispered, and Eddie frantically nodded, his nails digging into his hips.

“Please,” he answered, his voice already sounding wrecked. Buck smiled, popping open the button and pulling the zipper down in what Eddie considered to be a glacial pace, but all that was forgotten the moment he slipped his hand into the front of his jeans and cupped the outline of his cock.

 _“Santa mierda,”_ Eddie groaned, his hips bucking forward in reflex. Buck moved his arm so that he could get a better grip, his fingers closing around his shaft, and tugged gently. Eddie still had his head resting on Buck’s shoulder, and he began kissing and sucking the skin at the base of his neck, just above his shirt collar. Buck let out a hiss when Eddie bit down suddenly, his grip tightening on Eddie’s cock. Eddie let out a whimper before running his tongue along the darkening skin, pleasure washing over his body. He reached forward and started unbuttoning Buck’s shirt, hoping he didn’t notice the way his fingers fumbled. Eventually he had all the buttons undone, and he pulled the fabric out of Buck’s dress pants and ran his hands up the hard muscle of Buck’s stomach and chest. He felt Buck shiver beneath him, and Eddie leaned back up to kiss him as he slipped his fingers underneath the shirt and pushed it off his shoulders and down his arms. Buck pulled his hand out of Eddie’s jeans so he could remove the shirt completely, before breaking their kiss and pressing their foreheads together.

“We need to, ah, get rid of these,” Buck panted, tugging at the waistband of Eddie’s jeans. Eddie pouted at the sudden loss of contact, but moved his legs up and down to help the jeans fall down to his ankles, before he pulled his feet through and kicked them away. Buck leaned backwards, his hands on Eddie’s hips, and took him in. For the first time that night Eddie felt self-conscious, but the look on Buck’s face told him he was very happy with what he saw.

“Beautiful,” Buck whispered, so low that Eddie wasn’t sure if he meant for him to hear, before he undid his own belt and pant buttons, not even bothering to remove the belt completely before he yanked them down and kicked them to the side. Eddie was about to make a joke about his eagerness when Buck surged forward, smacking his lips back on his and pushing his tongue into his mouth.

“I need you,” Buck said between kisses, reaching down to cup Eddie’s ass and pull him against him. Their cocks rubbed together, the friction creating a delightful sensation that Eddie never wanted to end.

“You have me,” he finally responded, and he heard Buck growl underneath his breath as he flipped them around and pushed Eddie back onto the bed. He landed with a thud, his surprise interrupted by Buck immediately crawling over him, his knees on either side of his thighs. He grabbed Eddie’s hands, pulling them up over his head as he ground down against him, making Eddie’s eyes roll back into his head.

“Fuck, Buck,” he whimpered, thrusting his hips back up to meet Buck as he pushed down. Eddie was so turned on he was sure it wouldn’t take much more than this to make him come, and he could feel the front of his boxer briefs becoming wet and sticky.

“Have you got lube?” Buck asked suddenly, trailing kisses along Eddie’s jawline. Eddie blinked, a moment of panic hitting him when he remembered that what they were going to do tonight required a _lot_ of lube, before it disappeared just as quickly. He wanted this, wanted _Buck_ , more than he’d wanted anything before in his life. Eventually he nodded, pointing to the bedside drawer, and Buck leaned over to open it and pull out the small bottle. He dropped it on the bed next to Eddie’s head, kissing him briefly before he sat up and tugged on Eddie’s underwear.

“We don’t need these anymore, don’t you agree?” he said, and Eddie blushed a little before nodding and lifting his hips so that Buck could pull them down. His cock sprang free, resting against his stomach as Buck rid him of his briefs before quickly following suit. Eddie barely got a chance to take in the other man before he was laying down next to him, reaching out to turn him so that they were on their sides facing each other.

“I have dreamed of this moment for months,” Buck said, leaning forward and sucking on Eddie’s neck. Eddie let out a content sigh, letting his hand run down Buck’s side, over his hip and down his thigh before bringing it back up, ghosting along his cock on the way. Buck shivered as he did so, and his dick jumped at the sudden touch. The urgency of before seemed have diminished somewhat, and both men seemed happy to take their time exploring the body in front of them. Buck traced lazy circles along Eddie’s stomach, moving further and further down until he reached Eddie’s hard cock, where he used his thumb to rub across the head. Eddie’s own exploration faltered, and he stayed still while Buck stroked his cockhead a few more times before moving down to grip the shaft.

“Your cock is perfect,” he murmured, and Eddie went to laugh at the cheesiness of the line, but it died in his throat when Buck twisted his wrist in _just_ the right way. Instead of a laugh, a garbled groan escaped, and Eddie would have been embarrassed if he wasn’t so fucking turned on. Buck leaned forward, keeping his hand on Eddie’s cock, and grabbed the lube from beside Eddie’s head. He flicked the cap open and squeezed the bottle, drizzling the cool liquid over his fingers and Eddie’s dick, making Eddie jump at the cold sensation. Buck quickly sped up his hand movements, warming the lube up as he jerked Eddie off, and soon Eddie found himself panting heavily.

 _“Por favor no pares,”_ he moaned, slipping back into Spanish without realising. He gripped onto Buck’s shoulder with one hand, the other grasping aimlessly at the bedsheets beneath him as his legs kicked out desperately.

“Right there, _mierda,_ Buck, I’m so close.” Apparently having some solo time in the shower earlier made absolutely zero difference to his endurance, as he could feel the tingle in his fingers as he thrashed about on the bed, his balls drawing up as his orgasm drew closer and closer. Buck gripped his cock tighter, running his thumb in circles across the slit until Eddie fell over the edge, crying out as he came. Thick ropes of cum spilled out onto Buck’s hand as he continued to stroke, his grip getting looser and looser until the last spurt of semen dribbled out and he let go as Eddie collapsed onto his back. Eddie was panting, his vision blurry and his head spinning as he laid still on the bed, basking in the afterglow of his orgasm. He hadn’t lasted as long as he wanted to, but truth be told he had lasted longer than he _expected_ he would. He vaguely registered Buck bending down to pepper kisses along his collarbone, his soft lips making his skin tingle. Opening his eyes, he blinked rapidly to adjust to the brightness of the room, and lifted an arm weakly before flopping it back on the bed.

“Fuck,” was all he managed to say, and he felt Buck’s breath as he laughed against him.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he replied, nuzzling his neck before leaning back. Eddie turned his head to face him, suddenly remembering that only one of them had finished. He glanced down to Buck’s cock, which was standing thick and proud against his stomach. Pre-cum was glistening at the tip, and it was flushed a deep red colour. He flashed Buck a grin before pushing him onto his back and sitting up, grabbing the bottle of lube and squeezing it into his hand.

“Eddie,” Buck started, but stopped when Eddie shook his head.

“It’s my turn to take care of you,” Eddie said, and he meant it. He thought back to the last few days in particular, the way Buck had been there for him when he thought he was going to lose his son. The way he came over whenever Eddie couldn’t bare being alone, and the way he texted him throughout the day just to make sure he was alright. And most importantly, the way he had gone to Shannon and literally begged her to reconsider her threat, offering his own happiness up in order to restore Eddie’s. Whenever he thought about that little nugget of information, his chest was torn into two opposite emotions – despair at the thought of losing the man he had fallen in love with, and overwhelming joy at how far he would go to ensure Eddie got to see his son again. His stomach did a little somersault and he couldn’t help but lean forward and press a chaste kiss to Buck’s lips before he wrapped his hand around his dick and started to stroke gently. Buck let out a shaky breath and gripped onto Eddie’s bicep, his hips instinctively bucking upwards every now and again.

“You look so hot right now,” Eddie said, resting his spare hand on the bottom of Buck’s toned stomach. He rubbed the skin gently, occasionally moving it down to grab the base of Buck’s cock and jerk him off with two hands. Buck seemed to enjoy that, judging by the way his eyes would flutter shut and strangled groans would escape his lips.

“Eddie, Eddie,” he whispered, chanting his name softly over and over as he gripped Eddie’s bicep tighter and moved the other one up to his hair, tugging at the strands.

“Are you close, _querido_?” Eddie asked, tightening his grip slightly and quickening his hand movements. Buck just nodded furiously, continuing to mutter Eddie’s name until his face contorted and he let out a loud moan, releasing his own stream of semen over Eddie’s hand. Eddie’s stomach spasmed at the sight, and he bit his lip to hold back his own moan. He lessened his grip when Buck squirmed at the overstimulation, reaching down to wipe his hand on the sheet beside him. Buck’s breathing was laboured, but it slowly evened out until it reached a normal pace and he opened his eyes to look up at Eddie.

“That was amazing. _You_ are amazing,” he said, reaching up to pull Eddie’s face down into a searing kiss. Eddie complied, kissing him back until his neck complained about the awkward angle and he had to pull away. He smiled down at him before laying down and pulling the doona cover up over their naked bodies.

“Movie?” he asked, not ready to fall asleep just yet. Buck nodded, and Eddie grabbed the remote and flicked on the TV mounted to the wall opposite the bed. Eventually they agreed on a movie – The Old Guard – and pressed play, snuggling into each other comfortably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note: if you haven't watched The Old Guard on netflix yet....get onto it, like YESTERDAY. I am high-key obsessed with everything about it and I have legit watched it 8 times in the past 3 weeks. Nicky & Joe, the fight scenes, a FEMALE director...it's all just *chefs kiss*


	17. Chapter XVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am once again asking you to watch The Old Guard on netflix. 
> 
> That is all.

By the time the movie was almost over, Eddie was already ready for round 2. It didn’t help that the movie featured two incredibly good looking actors who played a beautifully in love gay couple, because it kept reminding him of how he finally, _finally_ , had his own beautiful romance. Buck was wrapped around him, his head resting on top of his own, and Eddie was absentmindedly running his fingers up and down his chest. He was running their previous tryst through his head, remembering the way Buck’s hands had felt on his cock, and how his own cock had felt when he came into Eddie’s hand. It had felt amazing, but Eddie craved more. The nerves he had felt earlier in the night were mostly replaced by his desire to be even closer to Buck, but a few butterflies still lingered. Pushing them down, Eddie continued to stroke along Buck’s skin, his fingers dipping lower and lower until they were scratching against the tuft of pubic hair. He heard Buck’s breath hitch before he swallowed, turning his head slightly so he could kiss against Eddie’s head. Eddie bit his lip as his fingers continued to stroke gently, moving up and down and across his lower abdomen. After a moment he felt Buck place his hand under Eddie’s jaw, tipping it upwards to catch him in a kiss. They continued to taste each other, the movie forgotten in the background, as the kiss moved from soft and gentle to more heated and intense, until Buck swung his leg up and over Eddie’s body. He pulled his mouth away, trailing kisses across his cheek and up his jawline slowly.

“I want you to fuck me,” Buck whispered in his ear, nipping the lobe gently. Eddie shivered, a response to both the words he said and the way his breath ghosted against his skin, hot and heavy. Not trusting himself to speak, he simply nodded and leaned forward to kiss his throat, hands already blinding patting the mattress to find the bottle of lube they had discarded earlier. Eventually his fingers landed on it, and he clutched it in his hand as he continued to pepper soft kisses down the expanse of Buck’s pale throat to his collarbone. Eddie could feel Buck’s heavy breathing above him, noting the way his chest moved up and down and the steady thump of his heartbeat underneath his skin. It was intoxicating, really, the way Buck wanted him. Eddie felt dizzy from the knowledge, and he was unsure if he was ever going to be able to give up that power now that he had felt what it was like. He moved his free hand from the back of Buck’s neck, sliding it down the thick muscles in his back until he reached the curve of his ass and hesitated briefly. It was one thing to give another man a handjob – after all, it was pretty much just doing what he would normally do to himself, but to someone else, right?! – but Eddie wasn’t overly knowledgeable when it came to butt stuff. Shannon wasn’t into it, and while he had had a curious poke around his own hole a couple of times over the years, he had never worked up the nerve to go any further than brushing against his rim.

Buck sensed his hesitation and reached down to clasp Eddie’s hand, bringing it around to his face and kissing his knuckles softly.

“If you’re not ready, we don’t have to do this tonight,” he said, and Eddie could tell by his tone that he was being nothing but sincere. Eddie shook his head though, straining his neck to reach up and kiss his lips.

“No, I want this. I just don’t know what I’m doing,” he admitted, and couldn’t help but smile when Buck huffed out a small laugh.

“Well, how about I do it and you can watch?” he offered, and Eddie felt his dick jerk at the thought of watching Buck work himself open with his fingers. Buck noticed too, smirking as he bent down to quickly plant a kiss on Eddie’s flushed cheek before sitting back. He was resting on Eddie’s thighs and gently ran his finger up Eddie’s abs and chest as he ground his hips against him, making Eddie close his eyes as he pushed his head back against the pillow and moaned loudly. When he managed to open his eyes, the sight before him was almost enough to push him over the edge; Buck gazing down at him, dark hair tousled from Eddie’s hands, a pink lip caught between his teeth. His chest had a light smattering of dark hair, and his skin was starting to glisten from sweat, and it was without a shadow of a doubt the most erotic thing Eddie had ever seen in his life.

“Holy fuck, you are gorgeous,” he blurted out, causing Buck to chuckle as he glanced away before looking back at him shyly.

“Right back at you,” he murmured, cupping his jaw and running his thumb along Eddie’s bottom lip. Eddie was about to open his mouth and suck on the digit when Buck pulled away, grabbing the lube Eddie had forgotten he was holding and swinging his body so that he was laying on his back next to him. Eddie pushed himself up on his elbows, watching the way Buck’s stomach muscles contracted as he made himself comfortable on the bed.

“Here, move around so that you’re in front of me,” Buck instructed, gesturing with his head for Eddie to sit up. Eddie did as he was told, moving so that he was kneeling between Buck’s legs and swallowed thickly when Buck moved his knees up and out. His gaze moved down to Buck’s hole, surprised to find himself viewing it with a hunger instead of the slightly squeamish feeling he had expected.

“Are you ready?” Buck asked him, even though Eddie wasn’t going to be doing anything aside from sitting and watching. Despite this, Eddie nodded furiously and held his breath as he watched Buck lube up his fingers. His gaze never left Buck’s hand, and he felt heat pooling in his belly when Buck circled the rim with his index finger before pushing it inside gently. He watched as his finger moved in and out slowly, going deeper and deeper until he was getting up past his knuckle. Buck let out a low hum before he flicked his middle finger down on an outward thrust, and pushed it in during the next inward movement. Eddie’s eyes widened when both fingers went all the way in on the first go, and Buck arched his hips off the bed, the low hum replaced by a loud whimper.

“Fuck,” Buck whispered, and Eddie tore his gaze away from his fingers and up to his face for the first time since he started. Buck was staring at him, his brows furrowed slightly and his mouth forming a little ‘o’ shape. Without warning, Eddie surged forward and crashed his lips onto his, slipping his tongue into Buck’s mouth erratically. It was neither graceful nor soft – teeth clattered together and saliva dribbled onto chins and Eddie was sure he was going to go absolutely crazy with desire, but he _needed_ to be as close to Buck as he could be right now. He felt Buck moan into his mouth, and was vaguely aware of his arm moving from beneath him, fingers still sliding in and out of his ass. Eddie reached down between them, gripping onto Buck’s wrist and stilling his movements, before he pulled back and stared down at him. Buck was looking at him curiously, and Eddie let out a breath before he glanced down at his hand and then back up to Buck’s face.

“I want,” he started, before hesitating and licking his lips. Buck’s face morphed from confusion to understanding, and he simply nodded and gently slipped his fingers out and wiped them on the bedsheets.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” he said, grabbing the lube and passing it onto Eddie. Eddie swallowed as he clicked open the bottle and coated up his own fingers, hoping that Buck didn’t notice the way they shook a little. If he did, he didn’t say anything, just ran his hands up and down Eddie’s sides in reassuring strokes until Eddie shuffled his way into a comfortable position, kneeling slightly to the side of Buck with his left thigh slung over his leg. Buck squirmed a little until he was also comfortable, one arm going up behind his head and the other resting on Eddie’s knee.

“Ready?” Eddie asked, and Buck shook a little with laughter as he nodded.

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life,” he answered with a wink, and if his goal was to calm Eddie’s nerves, it worked. Eddie chuckled and shook his head affectionately before he moved his hand forward. He started off just like Buck had, using his index finger to circle the rim softly, before he gently pushed inside. Because of Buck’s prior efforts, it slid in easily, and he only needed a couple of thrusts before he added another. He kept glancing up between his fingers and Buck’s face, trying to catalogue the different expressions to make sure he was hitting the right spots.

“Try scissoring your fingers a little bit, like this,” Buck eventually panted, holding up his own fingers and moving them around a little to demonstrate. Eddie nodded, glancing back down and copying what Buck had done, the tight passage slowly starting to feel less restrictive around his digits.

“Okay, now add a third finger,” Buck instructed, and Eddie noted that his voice had gone up an octave and his breaths were more laboured. He liked that, he decided, knowing that Buck was sounded wrecked because of what _he_ was doing. Eddie used his free hand to reach for the lube, squeezing some onto his ring finger. It was already pretty slick from when he first lubed up, but despite the scissoring, Buck was still pretty tight and he didn’t want to risk causing him any pain.

Cautiously he slowly added the third finger, stopping abruptly when Buck hissed out. He looked up at him anxiously, but Buck just shook his head, urging him to go on. Eddie did so, slowly moving in and out until all 3 fingers were in up to the knuckle. Buck let out a shaky breath and Eddie used his free hand to reach up and run his fingers along his stomach, rubbing gentle circles against his skin soothingly. They stayed like that for a moment, before Buck moved up onto his elbows and flashed Eddie a smile.

“Now curl your fingers a bit, towards my belly, and rub around.”

“Prostate?” Eddie asked, watching a bead of sweat run down from Buck’s hairline towards his cheek as he nodded.

“Yeah. It should feel kind of hard, like the tip of your nose. But trust me, if you find it, you’ll know,” he huffed out a laugh and dropped back down onto his back. Eddie smiled and stretched his fingers a little before curling them inwards and rubbing against the velvety walls. It took a minute or so of slowly alternating position, pressure and angle before the tip of his finger touched something harder than normal. Buck’s hips jerked upwards, his hole clenching tightly around Eddie’s fingers before releasing them just as quickly.

“Fuck yeah, right there,” Buck groaned, and Eddie put pressure on the same area again. He watched and listened with growing arousal as Buck thrashed and moaned underneath him, throwing one arm across his eyes and gripping the bedsheets with the other, until he squirmed away and whispered _‘stop, stop Eddie!’_ Eddie immediately ceased moving, worried he had hurt him, until Buck let out a loud exhale of breath and reached down to gently pull Eddie’s fingers out of him.

“If you keep doing that I’m going to cum, and I want it to be your cock that pushes me over the edge,” he explained, and Eddie almost shot his load right then and there.

“Fuck, if you’re gonna talk like that, I won’t last long enough to even get my cock inside you,” he muttered, but bent down to press his lips to his anyway. Buck smiled into the kiss, running his hands softly through Eddie’s hair. When he pulled away, Eddie moved over to the beside table and opened the drawer, grabbing a condom out before shuffling back over to Buck. Buck watched as he unwrapped the foil and rolled it down his shaft, his own hand moving to his cock and tugging it a few times. He then uncapped the lube, swatting Eddie’s hands away as he squeezed the liquid onto his fingers and wrapped them around Eddie’s dick. Eddie let out a whimper, squeezing Buck’s thighs as he twisted his hand up and down a few times before letting go and setting onto his back. He moved a pillow down underneath his hips, readjusting it a few times until he was satisfied with its position. Eddie took 3 deep breaths to calm himself and then moved forwards, lifting one of Buck’s legs up over his shoulder. Buck let his other leg bend at the knee and fall outward, and Eddie gripped his cock and positioned himself at Buck’s entrance. He waited a moment until Buck nodded, and then slowly started pushing himself inside. It felt incredible, better than anything he had felt before, and it took all his restraint to not start thrusting in and out straight away. Instead he focused on Buck’s face, the way his eyes clenched shut and he breathed in and out slowly, getting used to Eddie’s size. He reached down and rested his hand on Buck’s chest hair, carding his fingers through the strands in soothing strokes as he inched further and further inside. Eventually he was flush against Buck’s hips, and he stilled for a moment, partly to allow Buck to get used to him and partly because he was so tightly wound up he worried that any flicker of movement would have him coming embarrassingly early. After a minute Buck reached up to Eddie’s bicep and encouraged him to move, and Eddie removed his hand from his chest and placed it on Buck’s hip instead. He moved slowly, gaze still focused on Buck’s face, until he was almost all the way out. Then he pushed back in, slightly harder this time, and both men groaned.

“Fuck Eddie, you feel amazing,” Buck breathed, gripping his bicep tighter as Eddie started up a gentle rhythm. Eddie huffed out a laugh.

“ _You_ feel amazing,” he whined, throwing his head back, “fuck, you’re so tight.” He continued thrusting in and out, one hand gripping Buck’s hip and the other curled around the thigh of the leg resting over his shoulder.

“Can you go harder?” Buck asked, and Eddie was so surprised he lost his rhythm for a moment.

“Can I go harder,” he repeated, shaking his head and almost laughing at the request. Buck smirked at him, and Eddie felt a surge of satisfaction when he trust in so hard it wiped the smirk right off his face.

“Shiiiiiiit,” Buck groaned, scrunching his free hand into the sheets. Eddie continued the rapid pace, feeling beads of sweat dripping down the back of his neck, completely consumed by the feeling of being inside Buck. He shifted his angle slightly to alleviate the cramp in his leg, his mouth dropping open when he felt Buck tense briefly and let out a string of expletives.

“Holy fuck, right there, right _there,_ don’t stop Eddie,” Buck begged, and Eddie made a point of hitting the exact same spot over and over and over. Buck reached up weakly and grabbed his cock, which had been neglected until this point, flimsily tugging at it. A dribble of pre-cum roped from his belly to his cockhead, and Eddie’s mouth watered at the sight. He watched as Buck stroked up and down, occasionally twisting his wrist, and listened as the other man let out the most delicious noises. He wasn’t even forming words at this point, and Eddie bit his lip _hard_ so that he could continue pushing him towards the edge. He was getting close, the familiar heat curling up through his balls and into his groin before spreading out down his legs and up into his belly, but he didn’t want to finish until Buck had.

“Baby, I’m close. Are you gonna come for me?” Eddie panted, gripping Buck’s hip so hard he knew there would be little fingertip sized bruises there afterwards. Buck opened his eyes, gazing up at Eddie, his face a look of pure bliss. Eddie moved his hand from Buck’s thigh, pushing his fingers against his lips, and Buck opened up immediately. His tongue snaked around Eddie’s fingers, sucking on the digits, and that was enough to open the floodgates. Buck moaned one last time before he cantered his hips upwards, thick globs of semen spurting out of his cock and landing on his chest. Even if Buck’s hole wasn’t spasming around him, just seeing Buck orgasm would have been enough to get Eddie over the line, and he groaned loudly as he thrust erratically a few more times before emptying into the condom. The feeling was intense, so much so that he felt his fingers curl in Buck’s mouth, pressing harshly against his cheek, but he didn’t have the presence of mind to stop. After a moment the peak passed and started to subside to a pleasant buzz underneath his skin, and he unclenched his hands and opened the eyes he hadn’t realised he’d shut. He looked down at Buck, who was panting around his fingers, a dribble of drool dripping out the side of his mouth. Eddie pulled them out immediately, wiping the saliva as he went, and noticed that there were blobs of semen on Buck’s chin and neck. If he hadn’t have just come, that vision alone could have twitched his dick back to life, and he reached forward to run a finger through the fluid. Buck watched him with hooded eyes, his breath hitching as Eddie slowly brought his finger to his mouth and sucked it off. Buck’s cock gave a weak jolt, and Eddie grinned as he swallowed the semen down his throat. It wasn’t as bitter as he imagined, but it wasn’t overly pleasant either, however Eddie was open to the idea of trying more simply because it came from Buck.

“Holy shit, I think you’ve killed me,” Buck croaked from beneath him, moving his leg down from Eddie’s shoulder and placing his hands on Eddie’s hips. Eddie laughed, leaning down to kiss his lips gently before he straightened up and reached down to guide his dick out of Buck’s ass. Buck let out a little hiss when he extracted himself fully, and Eddie shot him an apologetic look before removing the condom and tying it off. He manoeuvred off the bed, standing up on shaky legs and made his way to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and clean himself up. He picked up a face washer from the bathroom drawer, running it under hot water until it was nice and warm. He came back in to find Buck in exactly the same position, and he crawled over to him, pressing the damp fabric between his legs gently. Eddie carefully cleaned his hole and the insides of his thighs before moving up to his stomach and chest, folding the cloth over and wiping down the mess. He dabbed at Buck’s chin and neck, chuckling when Buck snorted in embarrassment, before moving back down to clean Buck’s softening cock. Once he finished, he tossed the face washer onto the floor and laid down beside him, his head resting on Buck’s chest and his arm draped across his stomach. Buck’s arm curled around him, pulling him close, and Eddie was certain that he was never going to feel as high as he did right now.

They laid in silence for a while, both getting their bearings back, until Buck spoke.

“I think I can say with certainty that that was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.”

“Seriously? Even though I had no idea what I was doing?” Eddie chuckled, and Buck moved a little so that he was looking down at him.

“If that was you not having any idea what you were doing, I’m going to have to take out life insurance before we fuck again, because I may not survive,” he shook his head and Eddie barked out a loud laugh, swatting his stomach in embarrassment.

“Oh god, stop,” he mumbled, but curled in closer, secretly chuffed at the compliment. He felt Buck smile into his hair, and a relaxed silence overtook them once more.

“You know, as much as I am loving laying here with you, do you think we could maybe change the sheets or something? I’m in a wet spot,” Buck said quietly, squirming uncomfortably. Eddie blinked once before he burst out laughing, and after a moment Buck joined him. He leaned back onto his elbow, smiling down at the other man as a warm feeling made its way through his chest.

“What?” Buck asked, but he was smiling. Eddie just shook his head, reaching up to trace his finger along his jawline.

“I just,” he paused, trying to avoid the flood of emotions that were threatening to overcome him, “this has been the best and worst year of my life. My marriage ended, but then I got to fall in love with you. And it’s just amazing, but it’s also…a lot.” Buck cocked his head to the side, his smile growing wider.

“You love me?” he asked, his tone soft but hopeful. Eddie blinked, sure he had told Buck that before, but then realised he had only admitted it to Shannon. And even though Buck had already told him he loved him, Eddie still felt anxious that maybe it would scare Buck off. But he just stared at him, his hand coming up to rest on his where he had paused on his cheek.

“I love you, too, Eddie. Like, crazy love you,” he replied, and Eddie felt the warmth in his chest explode and spread throughout his whole body. He smiled widely, bending down and connecting their lips once more, finally feeling at peace. When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead against Buck’s and rubbed their noses together.

“Come on, let’s change the sheets and go to sleep. I’m wrecked.”


	18. Chapter XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is here!  
> Thank you to everyone who read, left kudos, commented or just generally enjoyed this story. I enjoyed writing it, so I'm glad it hit a chord with many of you. :)

Eddie looked up from the paper as he heard the front door open, smiling when he saw Buck walk through, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. His hair was plastered to his forehead and his grey gym singlet was patchy with sweat, but Eddie’s stomach still lurched with desire at the sight of him. It didn’t matter that it had been 6 months since they had gotten together; the vision of Buck, fresh from the gym, or work, or the supermarket, still got his pulse racing. His gaze lingered as Buck dropped the bag by the door, closing it behind him before he wandered into the kitchen.

“Good session?” Eddie asked, folding the paper and placing it on the bench. Buck grinned, bending down to give him a kiss before making his way to the fridge for a bottle of water.

“Good session,” Buck confirmed, guzzling half the bottle in one go. Eddie’s mouth dropped open a little as he watched the long expanse of Buck’s throat swallow the water, the pale skin bobbing up and down. Eventually Buck stopped to take a breath, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He glanced over to where Eddie was sitting, mouth agape and eyes glazed over with want, a sly smile appearing on his face. He replaced the cap and put the bottle back in the fridge before reaching down and pulling his singlet up over his head.

“I think I need to have a shower,” he said casually, bunching the singlet up and tossing it at Eddie’s face before turning on his heel and making his way out of the kitchen. That was enough to break Eddie out of his revere, and he scrambled to follow Buck to the bathroom. He caught him just as he was reaching in to turn the water on, coming up from behind and slipping his arms around his waist. He kissed along Buck’s shoulders, the strong smell of sweat and testosterone already making him heady. Buck simply sighed, tipping his head forward slightly and enjoying the tickle of Eddie’s lips against his skin. 

“I stink,” he said eventually, and Eddie chuckled, kissing him one more time before manoeuvring him around so that they were facing each other.

“I like it,” Eddie admitted, carding his fingers through the damp strands of Buck’s hair. Buck smirked, causing Eddie to roll his eyes and smack him playfully on the shoulder.

“Shut up,” he muttered, stepping back to strip off his clothes. Buck held his hands up in surrender, but his smirk never wavered as he pulled off the rest of his clothes silently. Eddie ran his eyes over his naked form as Buck reached into the shower spray to make sure the temperature was right before he grabbed Eddie’s hand and pulled him into the stall with him. Neither of them spoke as they stood under the cascading water, Eddie lathering up bodywash onto a loofa and running it along Buck’s skin. Buck let himself be washed, sagging his shoulders and resting his head against the cool tiles, as Eddie followed the loofah with his hand, massaging the tight muscles. Eddie smiled softly to himself as he moved his hands, the other mans body almost as familiar as his own now. He relished in how much Buck allowed himself to be taken care of, because it was something that Eddie enjoyed doing for the people he loved, but also something he had been denied of for so long. Christopher was an exception, but Shannon had demanded independence long before Buck had even come into the picture, and Eddie hadn’t realised how much he missed it until he was allowed to indulge in it again.

He moved his hand lower, running circles along Buck’s abdomen, the back of his knuckles rubbing softly against Buck’s straining erection.

“Mmm, enjoying this are we?” Eddie murmured against his skin, nipping the back of his shoulder. Buck huffed out a shaky laugh, pushing his hips backwards against Eddie’s own rapidly filling member.

“As much as you are, apparently,” he whispered, and Eddie’s hand faltered as he stifled back a moan. Buck twisted his head so that he could press his mouth against Eddie’s, his tongue flicking out and demanding entry. He complied immediately, his cock jumping when Buck reached up and put his hand behind his head, pulling him impossibly closer. Eddie couldn’t help but think back to the first time he and Buck teetered into adult territory, and the scenario that Buck described that caused him to come stronger than he had in years. It was eerily similar to what was happening right now, just with the roles reversed, and he grabbed Buck’s hip and ground himself against his ass as the familiar flood of arousal flowed through him.

 _“Ay, papi,”_ Buck whined, and Eddie’s legs almost gave out. He knew Buck had been learning bits and pieces of Spanish, mainly so he could impress Eddie’s Abuela, but he wasn’t aware said learning had extended into _this_. Interestingly, he also was not aware that that phrase was going to make him react the way it did.

 _“Santa mierda,”_ he grumbled in response, roughly twisting Buck around and dropping to his knees at the same time. Buck gasped as Eddie fit his mouth over the head of his cock, taking him down as far as he could in one fluid movement.

“Oh, god,” Buck groaned, trying to grip onto the slippery tiles. Eddie was by no means an expert at sucking dick yet, but he had definitely bypassed his initial nerves and now engaged in the act with enthusiasm. It helped that Buck loved it, and Eddie loved the way Buck would grip the sides of his head as he thrust gently in and out, the most delicious sounds spilling out of his mouth. He bobbed his head up and down, keeping his teeth away from the shaft and using his tongue to trace patterns along the tip every time he pulled off.

“I didn’t realise calling you _papi_ was going to elicit this kind of response,” Buck panted, one hand gripping the showerhead and the other gripping onto Eddie’s hair, “otherwise I would have done it sooner.”

Eddie groaned around his cock, sucking harder as he reached down between his legs to pull himself off.

“Oh, jesus,” Buck whined, his hips starting to jerk forward. Eddie ignored the way the water was dripping onto his face and into his eyes, instead focusing on the sounds Buck was making above him. He could feel his own orgasm starting to build, his hand furiously tugging at his cock as he sucked his boyfriend down further and further. When he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, he pulled off enough to look up at Buck, who was already staring down at him with his mouth hanging open.

“Say it again,” he demanded, before he wrapped his lips around him again. Buck blinked once before grabbing his hair tighter, the sting just adding to Eddie’s arousal.

“Come on, _papi,_ suck me. I’m so close, your mouth is fucking amazing, and I want to come down your throat,” he said, his voice rough. Eddie moaned, and Buck began to repeat the word over and over, throwing his head back onto the tiled wall.

 _“Papi, papi, Jesus, ay papi, fuck!”_ Buck chanted, until he stilled his hips and Eddie felt warm liquid shooting into his mouth and down his throat. It was enough to set off his own orgasm, and he moaned around Buck’s cock as he came all over the shower floor. By the time he finished swallowing everything Buck unloaded into his mouth, he pulled off and sat back, bracing himself with one hand beside him. He was still feeling the faint waves of his own orgasm washing over him, and his head felt dizzy so he didn’t even register Buck reaching down to pull him up, wrapping his arms around him and pressing their bodies together until he winced at the oversensitivity of his cock rubbing against Buck’s hip. They readjusted their positions so that it was comfortable, and hugged under the water quietly until they both got their bearings back.

“So you like being called daddy, hey? You sick motherfucker,” Buck teased, breaking the silence. Eddie burst into laughter, burying his head in his shoulder in embarrassment. Buck laughed as well, shaking his head and kissing the side of his head.

“I’m just kidding. I wasn’t sure how well received that was going to be, but I’m fucking glad I took a shot. That was,” he paused briefly, considering his next words, “something we will be exploring again.” Eddie shivered, nodding shyly in agreement. _Definitely_ something they would be revisiting in the future, for sure. They stood quietly for a moment longer, until the water started dropping in temperature and Eddie jerked his head up in horror.

“Oh fuck, I forgot Shannon was dropping Christopher back this afternoon,” he blurted out, panic building in his chest. Christ, he hoped they hadn’t arrived yet, because he and Buck had definitely not been quiet, and while Shannon never bothered to learn Spanish while they were together, he was fairly certain she would know what _that_ particular word meant. They had only just started to become more comfortable around each other as well, and he didn’t want to ruin the progress they had made over the past 6 months.

“Shit, better get out then,” Buck replied, ducking under the water quickly as Eddie stepped out and quickly ran a towel over his body. He didn’t bother waiting for Buck to follow before he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, straining to listen for any signs that they were no longer alone in the house. He deflated in relief when he heard nothing, and turned to give Buck a thumbs up before making his way into the bedroom and getting himself dressed. Buck followed him in a moment later, padding over to the dresser where he kept a few pieces of clothing for when he stayed over. He pulled out a tshirt and shorts, getting himself dressed before grabbing his towel and running it over his hair again. Eddie watched him, grinning when he finished and his hair was sticking up in every direction.

“What?” Buck asked, smiling back at him, but Eddie just shook his head.

“Nothing. You just look cute,” he replied, and Buck scoffed, but Eddie noticed a shy smile appearing on his face when he ducked his head. He didn’t have time to tease him further, however, as a loud knock on the door interrupted them. Shannon still had a key to the house, but Eddie knew she didn’t like to use it after she had officially moved out 4 months earlier.

“What timing,” Buck remarked, using his hand to smooth his hair down. Eddie lingered his gaze over him for a few more seconds before he went to answer the door, a big grin appearing on his face when Christopher threw himself at his waist.

“Dad!” he cried out, and Eddie felt his heart grow two sizes bigger. He reached down to wrap his arms around his sons shoulders, before ruffling his hair fondly.

“Hey bud! Did you have fun with your mum?” he asked, glancing up at Shannon. Christopher nodded, shuffling into the house and greeting Buck with as much enthusiasm as he had greeted his father. Eddie watched them with a tender smile, before he turned his attention back to Shannon. She was also watching Buck and Christopher, but she glanced back to Eddie with a tight smile.

“He has a science project due next week. We were going to start it but he insisted that he wanted to do it with Buck,” she said in a quiet voice. Eddie had to give her credit, she was really trying to keep the peace with him. He could imagine how much it would have stung to hear Christopher say that, especially considering Shannon was the one who always used to help him with his school projects.

“Yeah, Buck is an encyclopedia of random science facts and Chris has kind of latched onto that,” he explained, “he doesn’t even ask me for help anymore.” The last part wasn’t necessarily the total truth, but he wanted to make Shannon feel less neglected, and judging by the way her face relaxed a little, he had achieved his goal.

“Well, here is his bag. I’ll pick him up from school on Wednesday if that still suits,” she said, handing over his backpack. Eddie nodded, taking the bag and dropping it just inside the door. They had eventually agreed on a 60/40 split when it came to custody of Christopher, noting that the unpredictability of Eddie’s work meant it was better for Shannon to have him a few extra days a fortnight. So far it was working well, and Eddie was grateful to Shannon for keeping her initial promise that their sons wellbeing came first – his and Buck’s relationship was still an awkward topic of conversation, and while he knew she was trying to accept it, it was obvious she still felt uncomfortable around them. Despite this, she never said anything, and plastered on a smile in front of Christopher. Eddie was most thankful for that in particular, because it meant that revealing to him the fact that he and Buck were a couple was met with very little resistance. In fact, Christopher had reacted more positively than Eddie had expected, his only question being whether or not Buck was going to be living with them from now on. Eddie had explained that while Buck would be over at their house more often, it was just going to be the two of them for the foreseeable future. Christopher had accepted that, and there hadn’t been any issues between the three of them so far, thankfully. Buck was still a little reserved with his affection when Christopher was around though, not wanting to make him uncomfortable, and while Eddie thought it was cute most of the time, he had to assure him occasionally that a peck on the lips or a hug in the kitchen were age-appropriate PDA’s.

“Thanks, that sounds great,” Eddie replied, and Shannon shot him another tight smile.

“Okay, well I have to get going. Christopher!” she called, smiling brightly at him when he turned around, “I have to go. Come and give me a big hug!” Christopher walked back over to her, allowing himself to be squeezed tightly.

“Bye, mum. I love you,” he said, and she gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek which made him giggle.

“I love you too. I’ll see you on Wednesday. Have fun with your dad.” She ruffled his hair and glanced back up at Eddie before turning around and walking out to her car. Eddie watched her for a moment before he closed the door, turning back to see Buck scoop Christopher up in his arms and carry him towards the lounge.

“I hope you’ve done your research because there is a _tonne_ of lego in the lounge and I have no idea what to build with it,” Buck was saying, and Eddie grinned as he listened to Christopher rattle off a bunch of different ideas.

\------------------------------

Later on, after dinner and story time, Eddie and Buck were laying in bed, Buck’s finger tracing patterns along Eddie’s chest as he read.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Buck started, and Eddie paused his reading to look down at him in anticipation.

“Yes?” he prompted, when Buck didn’t elaborate. Buck huffed softly before he rolled back to stare at the ceiling, clasping his hands on his stomach.

“Well, you know how I’ve been talking about a career change for a while now?” he said, and Eddie raised an eyebrow before he folded down the corner of the page he was reading and placed his book on the bedside table. He turned to lay on his side, feeling like this was a conversation that he needed to be giving his utmost attention to.

“Yes,” he said again, and Buck glanced over at him before he continued.

“Well, I’ve been doing some serious thinking lately and I think I know what I want to do.”

“Okay. What have you decided?” Eddie asked, reaching forward to thread their fingers together. Buck seemed nervous, so Eddie wanted to show him that he had his back, no matter what conclusion he had reached. Buck took a deep breath and rolled over to face him, an anxious expression on his face.

“I think I want to join the LAFD.”

Eddie stared at him for a moment, somewhat caught off guard by his admission but not entirely surprised. Over the past few months Buck had hinted more than once about becoming a firefighter, especially after he had started weight training at the gym and his frame had bulked up considerably. Right now he was searching Eddie’s face for his response, his lip caught between his teeth in anticipation. Eventually Eddie broke into a wide grin, nodding enthusiastically and making the tension on Buck’s face evaporate.

“Yeah,” he said leisurely, making a point of raking his eyes up and down Buck’s body, “I think the LAFD is exactly the right place for you.”


End file.
